Thursday, June 28, 2007 Spice Girls. Darkchild. Let's Dance.
Fuck. Yes.
I have spent the past 14 hours listening to NOTHING. BUT. THE. SPICE. GIRLS. I am halfway through my second viewing today of Spiceworld: The Movie. My Melanie Brown doll is watching over my computer desk as I type away. I am, quite literally, living in a Spiceworld all over again.
They're coming to Australia! HOORAY! Possibly only to Sydney though! BOO! Come to Melbourne please girls... Sydney isn't the fucking be-all and end-all of Australia, no matter what all those cunty overseas popstars seem to think when they come down here. But I am pretty sure they'll be announcing more tour dates though, there are large gaps in between the ones made public, so I have a feeling there will most certainly be more shows in the UK and at least a Melbourne show in Oz.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007 Hostel II: A Global Warming Awareness Post
Would you believe that over the weekend I was sent to watch Hostel 2? I cannot stress the term "sent" enough. I was virtually forced at gun-point to get in my car, drive down to a cinema across the other fucking side of Melbourne, and watch the sequel for a movie who's original made me question the intelligence of the entire human race for a good three weeks after viewing it. It is amazing what we'll do to see our names in print.
Some of you may be aware of how dissatisfying the first installment of Hostelwas for me. Those who saw it with me in an undisclosed Geelong lounge room some time last year will forever have that ringing in their ears; a sharp, piercing sound of me randomly shouting through out the film "What is the fucking point of this movie?! What is WRONG with these people?! This is just... ridiculous! How is this even remotely scary? Is there a 'pointless' section in the video shop? That is where this belongs. Why are you DOING THIS TO ME?"
I'm not going to delve too much into my thoughts on the first Hostel. I can tell you this though: I understood more about the first Hostel's storyline within the sequels opening 6 minutes than I did after watching the first Hostel TWICE. Now, there are spoilers ahead... ha, "spoilers!" I say that as if me telling you the - hem hem - "storyline" of this "movie" may actually upset you! ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS? I will say that having my best friend Ben with me made the movie-going experience slightly more enjoyable. Enjoyable because Ben & I feed off each others ridiculous comments during crap movies and spent most of Hostel 2 making ourselves laugh hysterically at things I doubt anyone else would (rightfully) get or understand. Thankfully, we were the only 2 people in the cinema, which made our infamous movie commentary all the more sweeter.
The main players this time are three All-American girls, as opposed to the group of guys from the last one? The question mark has been placed there purposely, because I seriously cannot quite recall. I swear to god if I ever end up in repressed memory therapy, all the ridiculous ins & outs about the first Hostel are probably going to storm out as a giant floodgate of crap. But as I was saying. Lauren German - who suspiciously looks like Milla Jovovich - plays the lead victim. Lauren German has previously featured in such roles as Girl In Wheelchair for the movie It Is Fine, Everything Is Fine!, Teenage Girl in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Lovestruck Woman in Down To You. Then there's Bijou Phillips (ask your parents), who hasn't made a movie worth watching since 2001's Bully. Heather Matarazzo, the crazy lesbian who is quite amazing (watch 1998's The Hairy Bird - "Up your ziggy with a wah-wah brush!" - and tell me she is not fabulous), also stars in this evident waste of time and, frustratingly, is the first of the girls to be killed off.
Not satisfied with killing the greatest acting talent on his set, director Eli Roth not only kills Heather off first, but does so in such a way, that it reeks of desperation. The sheer pointlessness and outright vulgarity of it is despicable. Heather's character is found screaming, naked (of course), hanging upside down from a harness over what appears to be a giant bathtub. A woman walks in, disrobes, lays completely naked in the bathtub underneath Heather, and proceeds to slash her apart, rubbing the pouring blood "sensually" over her breasts and soulless cunt as the poor tourist dies while she has a fingerbang. She licks her hands and moans in a sexual fashion, all as blood forces its way out of the tortured girls throat. Now I've seen people piss on each other on film for sexual gratification. I've seen some various fucked up shit in my time, but this was just so fucked up that all I could do was laugh. It was such a blatant 'shock tactic' that, in the end, it didn't do its job. It didn't shock me. It didn't make me feel sick. It didn't frighten the life out of me. It did, however, make me wish Eli Roth had never been shown how to operate a video camera though. It made me wish that I had told my boss to go fuck himself when he told me to watch this movie. It made me wish that I had just not gone, downloaded a pirated copy of Hostel 2 and saved myself the $30 in petrol I had to pay just to travel to the movie theater. It made me wish for the Australian MTV Video Music Awards. It made me want to take a sleeping pill for the remains of its duration. It made me want to turn to crack. As the movie continued, more people were killed or, at the very least, tortured. A child is shot for no apparent reason other than to fill a few more minutes.
Two of the non-important male idiots from Desperate Housewives also feature heavily in this film, and one of them even gets his dick cut off at the end. Which, as you could probably imagine, looks incredibly real and not at all fake in the slightest.
We are in the middle of an environmental epidemic. It is alarming that such a waste of time as Hostel 2 has been allowed to commit as many crimes as it has against the globe. The amount of carbon emissions this movie has generated disgusts me. The amount of black air released by the three-plus months of shooting this movie horrifies me. The number of flights the cast and crew will have made in order to promote this waste of time infuriates me. While we are all trying to save water by housing buckets in our showers, Eli Roth and Bijou fucking Phillips are blatantly killing trees and ice glaciers all over the world every time they set foot in an airport to promote this ridiculous shell of a movie. The amount of harm I have released into the poor environments soul driving to the theater, and driving BACK from the theater, alarms me. The amount of electricity consumed typing this review destroys me. I have the computer on, a light on, the television on for background noise and had even boiled the kettle for a cup of tea, in order to keep myself awake as I typed out this review. YES. THAT'S RIGHT. I BOILED THE KETTLE. Not only did I use water to fill it up with, I then went and switched the power point on to boil the fucker. Heart wrenching, isn't it?
Hostel 2 is a seriously disturbing global tragedy. Al Gore: your attention should be focussed on Eli Roth and the entire crew responsible for this hideous attempt at cinema, not the Bush Administration.
In case you've been living in a coma, you'll have noticed we are 23 days into the month of June. June is the 6th month of the year, every year. In 2007, there are 12 whole months to make the year. In fact, every year has 12 months in it.
Isn't this all just fascinating?
With it being June, it is official that we have reached (and completely passed, mind) the mid-year hump.
So, naturally, it's time to glance over the best music releases so far of 2007. Over the next few days I'll cover my favourite single releases AND also my favourite DANCE albums (which is where you'll find Justice, Simian MobileDisco and the delectable Calvin Harris.) But what POP albums have absolutely knocked the pants off Adem over the last 6 months? Well, I'm very glad you asked...
01. ARCTIC MONKEYS Favourite Worst Nightmare I've had such a powerful love affair with the new Sophie Ellis-Bextor album, yet I still end up coming back to this as my favourite so far of 2007. "Do Me A Favour" and "505" still manage to send an absolute violent ripple of goosebumps through my body, with the remains of the album delivering similar sensations. I still think Alex Turner is one of the greatest lyricists of the last 20 years, I still think this album is an incredible achievement, and If you didn't read my slightly lengthy review of this record from April, feel free to give it a squiz and read what else I still think about this album.
02. SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR Trip The Light Fantastic As I said earlier, SUCH a love affair with this album. There was a period of time last week where I was falling asleep every night with "Can't Have It All" playing on a continuous loop in my head. I'm completely convinced now that this UK bonus track is probably one of Soph's greatest accomplishments. I have this spectacular video clip for it all set up in my head; Sophie, trapped in giant maze made solely of not glass, but crystal. Only the best for our Soph. There's also the video clip idea for "China Heart" which involves manga-like real-action filming, and a room full of china plates, shaped as hearts, breaking, with the pieces revolving around Sophie's body as she sings the "aaaaaaaaah, ooo-aaahh" before the final chorus. This is the kind of shit that goes through my head when I'm at the gym. My review from May.
03. PATRICK WOLF The Magic Position It is all Scott, 2 Be Certain's fault that I love me some Wolf. Late 2005, Scott casually mentioned I should give "Wind In The Wires" a listen to and highly recommended its brilliance. I did, and fell completely head over heals. "The Magic Position" is probably the poppiest record we're going to get from Patrick, and what a fine pop record it is. The title track makes you want to fall in love, "Bluebells" is just epic, and "Get Lost" reminds so much of The Cure. There's also the inclusion of Marianne Faithfull on the gorgeous "Magpie," which sort of seals the deal for me, but really, it's all about "Augustine," Patrick's greatest song to date.
04. RIHANNA Good Girl Gone Bad So who was expecting this to be great? The very first time I saw the video clip for last years "S.O.S" I thought to myself "sheesh, this Rihanna bird looks serious about giving the whole being a proper popstar thing a good stab." Then she released that hideous album, that disgusting "ballad" about mouhr-dehr-uhr's, and I had all but assumed she would only ever release the one good single per album. So what happens when her follow up album is full of potential singles? There is not a single track on "...Gone Bad" I don't like. Obvious winners are "Don't Stop The Music," "Breakin' Dishes," "Push Up On Me" and first single "Umbrella." How about the not-so obvious, but still very much so, winners? "Question Existing" is just so powerful, (that talky-bit is off it's trolley! Give this woman more of these, pronto!) and the purchase of furniture with other people's money has never sounded as fun as it does in "Lemme Get That."
05. SIOBHAN DONAGHY Ghosts It's Kate Bush for a whole new generation. This is an important thing to be bringing to a new generation, though sadly it seems no one's all that keen on paying attention to it. Siobhan's follow up to "Revolution In Me" is a REVOLUTIONARY (boom! tish.) record of solid gold tracks. "Coming Up For Air" is so fucking ace that there are no words to really explain its beauty, and "Medevac" - well - you've all heard it by now and would know EXACTLY where I'm coming from when I say it's what an orgasm would sound like were it a song (unlike Lil Louis' "French Kiss," which is actually a song ABOUT orgasms). It is not too late to get behind Siobhan people. The album is released in the UK on Monday. Your general existence will definitely mirror that of a dull and boring housewife if you do not bring this masterpiece into your life.
06. LA ROCCA The Truth I really couldn't give a flying fuck that this was actually released in 2006. My theory is, if it's no more than 12 months old at the beginning of 2007, it is more than eligible thank you. I do warn you, the album is quite harmonica happy. But I love me some harmonica action and - for some unknown reason - it usually tends to set off the waterworks in me. If you like that cruisey, slightly whiny, guitar-meets-synth-pop-but-not sound that may find itself playing during key scenes of One Tree Hill, you'll love this incredibly well produced alternative-pop album. "Sketches (20 Something Life)" is a very cute lite-alt-pop delight, "Sing Song Sung" is, in fact, very first-album Keane, combining it with some seriously fun synth action. "Non Believer" - the very song that got me interested in this album - is still the most beautiful moment on here though. The piano which comes in at around 3:18 and goes through to about the 4:00 mark? That reminds me of how good it is to have music in my life every single time I hear it. Follow it with the last 40 seconds of the track, and you have near perfection through song. Watch a YouTube video of the track here... but be warned, it is littered with scenes from One Tree Hill as it's one of those fan-made 'montages.' It should be noted that for about 2 months this year, I wanted to actually BE Peyton Sawyerfrom OTH. She's so cool.
07. SILVERCHAIR Young Modern Daniel Johns! Chris Joannou! The Other One! Five years since the Chair's last studio album, and "Young Modern" manages to well and truly deliver the idea it's been well worth the wait. "Young Modern Station" is an exciting Devo-ish explosion, new single "Reflections Of A Sound" is probably the most gorgeous song 2007 has delivered so far, and "Strange Behaviour" - bookended by the Parts 1 & 2 of "Those Thieving Birds" - is very theatrical, epic, and camper than a row of tents. But the most glorious moment on here is "Waiting All Day," a very luscious piece of pure guitar pop... in fact, it's probably the poppiest Johns moment on record, though don't let that fool you; it's not exactly the happiest song, even if the cheeky honky-tonk piano tries telling you otherwise. This is exactly what Silverchair should sound like in 2007, regardless of what their upset, loser, stuck-in-the-mid-90's "fans" have to say on the matter.
08. KLAXONS Myths Of The Near Future Modular have done it again. This album is so ridiculously schizophrenic it's hard not to find something on this to like. I just so happen to be one of the people who seem to like everything on here. "Isle Of Her" - my absolute favourite on this album - is a brilliant exercise in the downright bizarre, "As Above, So Below" throws around gorgeous melodies with strong guitar, and "Magick" is just so beyond insane that there's not much else to do but love it. Being a dance music enthusiast, I should hate their indie cover of 1990's rave classic, Grace's "It's Not Over Yet." I really don't though, it's such a wonderful rendition that it manages to stand tall on its own. One to watch folks, I have a feeling the Klaxons only going to get better.
09. TRACEY THORN Out Of The Woods That voice... wow. From start to finish, "Out Of The Woods" is an intense, exciting and thrilling journey through song. "Here It Comes Again," the most fragile piece on "Woods," is a perfect opener. "A-Z" borrows 80's synth and combines it with a very, VERY deep bassline. In fact, this whole album is very Nile Rogers, which is most certainly not a bad thing at all. The dance-nut in me absolutely WORSHIPS the speakers "Grand Canyon" plays from, the most club-friendly melody, and instantly uplifting moment Tracey's delivered vocally since "Future Of The Future."
10. TORI AMOS American Doll Posse This has gotten mixed reviews since its release. In my opinion, it's the stronger of the Tori albums since "To Venus & Back." Definitely no "From The Choirgirl Hotel," but that doesn't stop it from being a little on the breathtaking side. "Bouncing Off Clouds" is a serious contender for song of the year, with its totally spellbinding nature. I reviewed this back in April, and the only thing that's really changed in my thoughts toward this record is that I love it more now.
11 - 20...
11. HILARY DUFF Diginity BEST BITS: "Dignity" and "Danger." IN AWORD: Popsicle.
12. MAROON 5 It Won't Be Soon Before Too Long BEST BITS: "Makes Me Wonder," "A Little Of Your Time" and "Can't Stop." IN A WORD: Notaboutjane.
13. MARGARET BERGER Pretty Scary Silver Fairy BEST BITS: "Samantha," "Get Physical" and "Will You Remember Me Tomorrow?IN A WORD: Sodapop.
14. RUFUS WAINWRIGHT Release The Stars BEST BITS: "Between My Legs" and "Tiergarten." IN A WORD: Refined.
15. DRAGONETTE Galore BEST BITS: "True Believer," "Take It Like A Man" and "Black Limousine." IN A WORD: Electric.
16. ERASURE Light At The End Of The World BEST BITS: "Sunday Girl" and "Fly Away." IN A WORD: Fabulous.
17. LONG BLONDES Someone To Drive You Home BEST BITS: "Giddy Stratospheres" and "Weekend Without Makeup." IN A WORD: Blondie.
18. MIKA Life In Cartoon Motion BEST BITS: "Relax (Take It Easy)" and "Billy Brown." IN A WORD: Sugary.
19. BJORK Volta BEST BITS: "Declare Independence" and "Innocence." IN A WORD: Spikey.
20. SNEAKY SOUND SYSTEM Sneaky Sound System BEST BITS: "I Love It" and "U.F.O." IN A WORD: Glamorous.
This list is going to most definitely change over the next 6 months, especially with possible new releases from Courtney Love, Madonna, Girls Aloud, Britney and Kylie all tipped to be heading our way before the year's up. Some of the albums above were actually released in 2006 (Sneaky Sound System, Margaret Berger, Long Blondes), but never really made an impact on me until now, which is why they're included, just in case you were wondering.
OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS: The so-far-results for my Singles and Dance Albums of 2007.
Thursday, June 21, 2007 BBUK's Liam epitomises everything that is good and decent about life.
AND YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT.
Where on EARTH of have they plucked this LOVELY YOUNG MAN FROM? Isn't he just DIVINE? Not only is he ridiculously wonderful to watch in a wifebeater, he's also incredibly charming and full of nice manners. Can we clone him? I need one of these here in Australia, whether it be in the Oz Big Brother house or MY house. Did you see him crying after he won the £100,000 prize giveaway? WAS THIS NOT COMPLETELY ADORABLE?! Did you not want to hug him, stroke his hair and FONDLE EVERY INCH OF HIS BODY? It surely cannot just be me who feels this way.
The best thing about Liam winning the £100,000 is that the rest of the housemates THINK he's won the actual shows prize money. So now there might be a few more upsets within the house - possibly some shifts in personality? Isn't it all very exciting!? Sitting through two nights of the Australian Big Brother is torture for me now, especially knowing that the kitchen sink in the UK house has more personality than any of the people left in the Oz house.
Let's talk Charley. I hate the woman but I'll be disappointed when she goes. She's ah-mah-zhing to watch. I have a feeling she may think she's this years Nikki, which is ridiculous because not only did I enjoy watching Nikki, but I actually LIKED her. Whilst Charley may be an absolute riot to watch, I do hate her with a hefty amount of passion. Regardless, I'm happy she's not up for nominations again this week. I have a feeling there's even more classic moments to spew forth from Charley's mouth/arse like an incredibly forceful spray of gastro.
I'm still enjoying Carole & Nicky, regardless of their whinging. As for the new guys, I'm enjoying Brian - he seems quite lovely, I don't *really* need to form an opinion of Jonathon seeing as he is most definitely going for Friday's eviction, and as for Billi? Aside from appearing in Jamelia's "Beware Of The Dog" video clip, I'm not really sure what his purpose on earth actually is. Maybe I'll find out later in the week.
THE TWINS. I cannot believe I am about to say this BUT... I AM QUITE LIKING HAVING THEM AROUND. Dear Mr Hotstufffiles, you were right, they are brilliant! I've gone from despising them, to loving them SICK. They have also infiltrated YouTube in the form of a dance song. Let's take a look the video clip which is an easy contender for Song Of The Year. To quote Not Another Teen Movie, those bitches represent.
Barbie's, Pink, WOO!
Chaniggy: I adore them. They make such a sweet couple do they not?! I'm still finding Ziggy rather charming even if he has gotten uglier as the weeks roll on. There's just something about him I find quite delectable. And as for Chanelle, excuse me, weren't the suspenders she had on for eviction night FARKING HAWT?
Obviously though, my favourite is most definitely Liam, and very special thank you to Paul for allowing me to indulge in this new attraction through The Zapping as well. At this present stage (though it's too early to say), he's who I want to win the actual competition... Just to rub it in Laura's face. She'd just HATE it if he walked away with £200,000 at the end of it all, wouldn't she?
Monday, June 18, 2007 Big Mc (and a little Girls Aloud story)
WARNING. There are times when I talk about McFly that I make complete sense and sound like I am quite aware of what I'm relaying. Other times, I make absolutely no sense and sound like a 5 year old girl. The following post may contain traces of nuts.
I'm having a heavy McFly week. I've been watching and listening to them at a full pace for the last 7 days. This will probably be followed with a Girls Aloud week, which always progresses onto a Madonna week, then a Dannii Minogue week. That then turns into a Kylie Minogue weekend, which closes with 3 days of Bjork/Tori Amos obsession. There is a method, it seems to happen twice, maybe three times a year, and that is how it operates. I like it when it pops up because I don't have to worry about what CD's to take in the car. But back to McFly. Their music has the ability to make me laugh, cry, dance, sing, get up and do my thing. I discovered them in the early stages of 2005, shortly after having some life-changing lung surgery, so they - alongside the Popjustice forums (which I had also just discovered) and Girls Aloud - played a giant part in my recovery process. There are four acts I "collect" and "scrapbook" things of. Madonna, Girls Aloud, Dannii Minogue and McFly. If you were to ask me who my favourite acts of the last 20 years were, Madge, GA & McFly would be the top 3. Dannii's top 10, don't worry. One day I may divulge the others. Erm, anyway...
A couple of weeks ago I finally received my copy of the re-released edition of McFly's "Motion In The Ocean" album, which contains a brand spankin' new DVD of the entire Motion In The Ocean Tour 2006 show, Live from Wembley. There was a confusing uproar from a lot of the fans over the re-release. People were claiming it to be "cynical marketing," and feeling they were being "ripped off." The confusing part about all this was that, only a short few months earlier, these very fans were complaining about the news this tour was NOT going to be released on DVD at all. There were complaints it had not come in a proper DVD casing (!!), and "I've already got the Motion In The Ocean album!" The fact that they were getting the show in full didn't seem to register, or the fact that they were going to be paying CD price for the package rather than a DVD price (which, by the looks of it, is more expensive than buying CD's in the UK!) So after all that, it's nice to finally have the disc in my hands.
The show begins with "Please Please," which you may recall is "loosely" (such an appropriate word to associate with her, too) based on turbo-slut, lover of knives and friend of the Minnillo (ugh), Lindsay Lohan. Easily one of their better video clips, however the song hasn't aged well. But then again, most novelty songs wear very thin on me after a couple of months, and "Please Please" really IS a novelty song. There is, however, an incredibly healthy amount of boxer shorts-shots through this opener. There's also a shot of a nice-looking-indeed teenage emo-esque boy singing the lyrics in the audience. Which is an exciting change to all the screaming girls they show in the crowd.
There are highlights galore, including a cover of "Ghostbusters." Their cover of the Beastie Boys classic "Fight For Your Right" just doesn't cut it when compared to the ace late 90's dance remake by NYCC, but really, what does? These guys are a talented bunch of musicians and songwriters (I'm leaning towards "Wonderland" being my favourite McAlbum of all time now by the way), regardless of what a lot of pop fans might think. Tom Fletcher is a musical genius, and that Danny Jones has the greatest pipes in all of man-land. Danny's solo of "Not Alone" on the DVD is earth-shatteringly good. You know that wave of euphoria you get when you hear something really special in a song or a performance? It's the feeling I got when I saw Madonna crucified on a cross for the first time. That very same feeling ran through me whilst watching this. If you ever wanted proof as to why Danny Jones is one of the greatest male vocalist's of the 21st century than this IS IT. Watch out for the harmonica action, which almost evokes an internal combustion every time I hear it.
There's also some ex-Busted action, as Matt Willis makes a very welcome guest appearance during "Don't Stop Me Now." Though - quite alarmingly - there are a total of ZERO boxer shorts-shots. Tsk Tsk Matt, Tsk Tsk.
Danny's hair is exceptional through out the show. Whilst most people seem to focus on charming young Dougie's hair, ever since Danny ditched the hair straighteners, I've been a solid Danny Jones boy. Early 2006, it was always Dougie or Danny. My moods would change, and so would my preferred McFly totty (like Lindsay, I've been through them all), but I have been a Danny Jones boy for a strong 8 months now. We're soooogoing steady... There's alsothat smile which will probably result in my very first heart attack were I to see it in the flesh. Combine that with those curly locks... Christ alive...
But back to the show. Overall, this is a vast improvement on the Wonderland Tour, even if there was no "Silence Is A Scary Sound" this time round. I would have given an arm, leg, and vital organ to have been at either (or both) of those shows. I've no fucking idea why they've not attempted to crack the Australian market yet. What is going on there boys? How else am I supposed to stalk you around Melbourne until I get a photograph with you unless you actually come to this country? Though, if I ever did get to meet them, it would probably just end up exactly the same way it did when I met Girls Aloud last year* in Melbourne. But seriously, they've got a fan base down here so why not give it a go? If Girls Aloud were able to do it then they can too. Come on Camp McFly, chop chop.
DOWNLOAD: Danny Jones & George Karalexis - Forget All You Know Last year Danny recorded some stuff with a guy by the name of George. A few of the songs appeared on his MySpazz page recently, and this is probably the better of the selection. It's a ballad; it's not brilliant, but it is nice to have in the collection if you're a fan like I. Quality is pretty medium-to-low, sorry. Special thanks to the ace boys and girls over at McFly Media for the rip.
*Have I ever told you that story? My best friend Ben & I drove at some ridiculous time in the morning down to the Channel 10 studio's in Melbourne, hoping we'd somehow convince reception to let us into the studios to watch the girls perform (I had a Girls Aloud t-shirt on! Why wouldn't they let us in?!) We were walking up to the studios through the car park of the hotel next door. Just as we were walking closer to the hotel, who should exit the revolving door but (in this order) Nicola, Kimberley, Nadine, Cheryl and Sarah. I froze, Nicola pointed at me (massive "Girls Aloud" logo on a t-shirt and about 37 of their CD's and Vinyl in my hands was obviously not very hard to miss) and they began walking towards me. ME! They spoke (Nicola was incredibly chatty. I seriously think she's not spoken that much in any interview before. It was amazing, seriously) to me whilst I shook, trying to speak and failing miserably at asking them any of the questions I had planned to on my drive up. They were incredibly sweet, Nadine gobbled something about my McFly baseball cap, we got photo's with them (which I look HIDEOUS in) and stuff was signed, then they were off. Within 5 minutes Girls Aloud - the people - had come in and out of my life. It was the most surreal experience ever. I spent the following 24 hours ecstatically happy. It was a really good day folks, a really good day.
Some photography to accompany this large post all of you have probably not bothered reading...
Sunday, June 17, 2007 Oz NTM: A sketchy finale round-up
It's been 11 days now since Alice Burdeu (pictured, left, standing next to runner up/future Dolly cover-girl Steph H) was rightfully crowned Australia's Next Top Model. There were tears, there were tantrums. Thankfully, there was no alarming dance routine from host Jodhi Meares ala Tyra on America's Next Top Model (you all know the dance right? Very first episode of the latest 'cycle'... it has convinced me the bitch should throw away modeling and give stand-up a good stab, because I've never laughed so much at a person in my entire life than I did watching that.)
There was a lot of priceless live television madness going on though. Jodhi's incompetence as a television host sparkled brighter than Alice's outfit did. The show was all over the place, mainly thanks to Meares' contribution. Her nerves completely took over. She stumbled words, spent a good five minutes at one point trying to read the auto-cue, went completely silent in the middle of sentences, following the silences with painful laughter, et cetera. And I spent the entire two hours petrified Jodhi's colossal breasts were going to fly right out of her size-too-small strapless dress. Live television. It is definitely safe to assume that my blood pressure was sky-high by this point, I can only imagine how torturous it must have been for her. This does not excuse her behaviour though! Charlotte Dawson for sole host next year! Viva La Dawson! Down with Packer!
Ian Thorpe appeared as a special guest judge. Turns out a special "friend" - who just happens to be a raging homosexual - was his "guest" at the after party. I think it's great that Thorpey continues to cement his heterosexuality claims further into cement with such blokey moments as judging on a modeling competition.
Judge Alex Perry is an absolute treasure to watch. He's fun, he's camp and he's a proper man-bitch. Evening highlight would definitely have to be watching Alex and Jez have a live-to-air bitch fight over the merits of Alice and Steph. Fucking priceless. There's nothing better than a row on live television, especially when it looks like one of them is either going to swear, slap or both. Napoleon Perdisis still bizarre to look at. I have reached the point where I feel incredibly confused whenever I look at him. I just cannot figure out what one thing I find so... intrusive about his face, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's probably hard to pin-point just the one.
Alice may have the car and whatnot, but the real winner of the evening was Charlotte Dawson, also a judge on the show and general god-like being. For the past few months I have been OBSESSED with this woman's greatness. There is no denying Ms. Dawson is the new Gretel Killeen. She's super, super hot, and her professionalism co-hosting the finale with the stunned Jodhi made things a lot easier to handle. During moments of Meares despair, Charlotte came gliding through in her fabulous white gown, gathered herself and was not only actually able to make sense of the auto-cue, she also managed to entertain whilst doing so. TV personality in professionalism shock!
I'm sure Charlotte's performance at the finale may have something to do with the news she's getting her own Janice Dickinson style reality show over the next 12 months. Bring. That. Shit. ON.
So, really, a good night for all involved bar Jodhi and Steph H. I would have liked it if nutbag/psychotic/future serial killer/contestant Paloma had've gone ballistic about anything whilst the cameras were rolling. I hated her guts but by fuck she was fun to watch, wasn't she?
I simply cannot wait for Alice's spread in the next issue of Vogue. However, I'm not looking forward to my phone bill next month after all the votes for Alice I sent in.
Not Charlotte Dawson, standing with the graceful Charlotte Dawson.
So earlier this week, whilst I was lucky enough to be so disgustingly ill I got to call in sick for work, I tucked myself into my warm bed and tuned into the 61st Annual Tony Awards as they screened Live on Foxtel. I am what you'd call a Broadway Enthusiast, one who, sadly, does not live in New York and therefor has only really ever seen a small handful of proper Broadway shows (and no matter what anyone tries telling you, the "Dirty Dancing" Musical was NOT a Broadway show.) This has never stopped me from taking an interest in what's actually going on with the razzle dazzle of it all, especially during Tony season.
There were some incredible key moments.
* Grey Gardens' Mary Louise-Wilson picked up the gong for Best performance by a featured Actress in a musical. As she approached the stage, she spat forth the evenings funniest acceptance speech: "You know, when I used to think about ever possibly winning one of these, I wondered if I'd ever feel like there was a mistake maybe. Would I feel that way? And I don't."
* The little gay kid sweet child actor from Ugly Betty introducing a performance by Mary Poppins. Chim-Chimney indeed!
* Spotting Sex & The City star Cynthia Nixon in the audience, looking more like a lesbian now that we're actually aware of how official the news is. Weirdly, she seemed to be displaying some signs of affection toward an attractive man with broad shoulders sitting next to her... what's that all about?!!... Oh.
* Heidi Klum trying to convince people she not only sat through Cats, but did so a total of 13 times. Even Andrew Lloyd Webber was unable to sit through it 13 times you lying bitch! Do you think she's possibly confused Cats with Batman Returns? Or maybe even High School Musical? Or Schindler's List?
* Bebe Neuwirth being FABULOUS whilst presenting an award with the gay from Frasier. I'll leave it up to you to decide which gay I'm talking about.
* Claire Danes frightening the living shit out of everybody with "her" incredibly deep voice. I knew it was deep before, but she seems to have grown about six penises since appearing in The Family Stone back in 2005.
* Coast Of Utopia's Martha Plimpton (pictured, top right). The woman is a highlight in herself and if you're not convinced, watch 200 Cigarettes or Pecker, and only then can you attempt to come back to me with your negativity.
* Vanessa Redgrave and Angela Lansbury: Absolute entertainment royalty. The Murder She Wrote theme song is my ACTUAL ALARM CLOCK TONE. Every morning I jolt out of bed, crippled with the fear of ending up as another victim subjected to the poisonous friendship of Angela Lansbury. Please do not laugh, I have dreamt of that woman about 5 times in my life so I am not actually kidding. I still love the old hag though and am quite aware I'll be using up some of my sick leave the day she karks it.
* Liev Schreiber! Excuse me Liev, why are you dating Naomi Watts? The only things Naomi likes to get intimate with are Nicole Kidman and her hand. Clearly it is you and I who should be dating. kthxbye.
* Jane Krakowski, from one of my favourite new shows of this year, 30 Rock, doing what she does best: comical slut.
* The American Idol winner who's name is not Jennifer Hudson singing a song from The Color Purple Musical. Pretty fucking ace actually, she totally got some serious pipes on her.
* Legally Blonde: The Musical. For crying out loud SOMEONE BRING THIS TO AUSTRALIA.
For the first time in a LONG time I actually enjoyed a televised Awards Ceremony. I was not bored at all! Can you believe that? Do you think it has something to do with me not having seen ANY of the nominated shows? I don't know. I was so excited each time there was a musical number, it was quite literally like the rush you get every time you watch that scene in Mommy Dearest when Faye Dunnaway screams about the wire hangers. Which isn't as good as the "I'm not mad at you Helga, I'm mad at the dirt" line earlier on in the film.
I really wish Broadway was something more people directed attention to in Australia. It appears in bibs and bobs, but not enough to warrant, say, our own Tony Awards. One day I'll fly to New York and sit in on as many Broadway shows as possible, and as many tapings of The View ABC will allow me to (Joy Behar, I love you!) But until that day arrives, I'll just have to settle with a yearly dose of Tony. To quote the fabulous Paul, I am "fizzing at the slit" with excitement for next years event.
Fin.
|COMING UP OVER THE WEEKEND: McFly! Big Brother! Possibly other things! |
Thursday, June 14, 2007 Vesna's Second Ever Podcast
SNATCHCAST #02 IS HERE!
Vesna & I spent a portion of last night giggling/screaming as we recorded our second Snatchcast together. What is a Snatchcast I hear you ask? Because I'm not the biggest fan of repeating myself, you can just read my previous post introducing the whole Snatchcast thing here.
NOW. Episode #02 is online and ready to be downloaded. And with very gulp-sized thanks to Tim at the fucking ace BehindBigBrother.com, we now have PROPER server space for you to download the podcasts each week, rather than going through Megaupload or Rapidshare.
In this weeks riveting audio number, Ves & I discuss the new batch of intruders in the Australian Big Brother, whether she's still in contact with Hotdogs, her feelings on Big Brother's treatment toward ex-housemates, and the latest saga involving her Vagina.
For next weeks snatchcast, we're giving YOU the opportunity to ask Vesna a question. If you wish to have a question submitted, simply email it to:
We'll try and get through as many of your questions in the next weeks podcast as possible. But if not, we'll spread a few out here and there through other upcoming episodes. If you'd like to read more, you can visit Ves' latest blogpost on her MySpazz.
Would you believe I plan on spending my ENTIRE WEEKEND* BLOGGING?! From Friday there will be a review of the McFlyMotion In The Ocean Tour DVD, UK Big Brother chat, another Vesna Snatchcast, my long-overdue scribblings on the Australian Next Top Model final, and - time permitting - something else.
In the meantime, let's admire this photograph of Dermot O'Leary resting on a pillow.
Barely into week 2 of the UK Big Brother journey and some serious controversy has seen the lover of "new music" trend 'Indie', Emily, ejected from the house.
Before I discuss what she actually did to have herself removed, let's take a look at one of the more exciting moments week 2 of the Australian Big Brother house provided us:
Inside Emma, TJ, Travis and Andrew taste the chickpeas Emma cooked. "They're a great little snack - with salt they are almost as good as chips," says Andrew.
Gripping. I'm sure my International readers are absolutely kicking themselves they are missing out on such quality, Australian made reality television.
Now, compare THAT conversation, with the one which, also from week 2 - but this time in the UK - saw Emily booted from the Big Brother house last night at 3:30AM...
(To JavineCharley - a lady of colour - whilst dancing) "You pushing it out you nigger."
Followed by...
"Don't make a big thing out of it, I was only joking."
...............
Obviously I am not implying there is anything great or awesome about being a racist pig, but, you know, some actual controversy that didn't involve someone's Dad dyingprobably wouldn't do any harm to the Australian Big Brother's ratings, would it? I don't want someone on there to throw around racial slurs, but how about actually putting some interesting people in the house so as we may be guaranteed some actual entertainment? The two interesting people - Bodie & Demet - were booted out early on, leaving us with an entire house of incredibly dull blondes, bimbos, biceps. Oh and of course, the Mormon and the annoying/fatal attraction-esque geek. For the first time in, well, forever, I am actually beginning to think that Home & Away would be a more pleasing ritual. I know.
Within 8 days the UK Big Brother has already managed to provide more entertainment, excitement, enjoyment and more watchable-bitchiness than we have seen in 47 days of the Australian one. Within 1 WEEK of the UK Big Brother beginning there has been more to talk about than the last 7 WEEKS the Australian one has provided. (Granted, when the censors 'forgot' to beep out Bodie's use of the word "cunt" during a 7pm family time slot, was pretty priceless.)
I would also hate to say this, but there is every possible chance that UK Big Brother host, Davina McCall, is actually a smidge better than our lovely Gretel Killeen, who regular readers will know I worship quite unhealthily.
I have virtually given up on the Australian Big Brother. For the first time in 7 years (I've enthusiastically watched every single episode since the first series in 2001), I am so uninterested that I've only been watching eviction night, and the first five minutes of Nominations night, only to see what Gretel is wearing.
Don't cry for me fellow readers. The truth is, I don't even miss it. I'm not even sad about it. After last years terrible series, it's almost as if I somehow broke up with it then. Isn't that pathetic? I broke up with a TV show! What is even more pathetic is that it took me almost a full year to realise. My thirst for watching a bunch of idiots caged in a house has not dampened, for I now have Davina to keep me warm at night. Last year I dabbled in daily youtube clips of the UK Big Brother ("I'M! SO! COLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD!!!" "Who IS SHE?! WHO. IS SHE?!!!"), and read the online diaries quite obsessively. This year, I'm just downloading the whole lot and forcing all of my friends to watch it with me instead of the Australian one. We already have our favourites, are already messaging each other with daily thoughts on our new British friends, and are wishing now more than ever that we actually lived over there.
I possibly doubt this will be my last UK Big Brother related post. But don't panic, I do plan on talking about some music over the next few days, particularly McFly, Madge and some other tidbits.
The delicious Vesna from Big Brother 2005 and I will be discussing the events of THIS years Big Brother in her brand new podcast, "Vesna's Snatchcast". Here are the details straight from her recent MySpace blog:
Hi Guys!
Adem & I have been busy this week recording my very first podcast, which we're calling "Vesna's Snatchcast"! Each and every week we'll be talking about all things Big Brother related, and on a Thursday morning you'll be able to download a new episode from my official myspace page, or from Adem's pop culture website (www.imalwaysright.co.uk).
We both make mention in episode 1 of doing it fortnightly, but after we finished we changed our minds and decided to it weekly instead haha. Sorry about the sound quality, Adem's amplifier blew up on the weekend so we're going to have to do the Snatchasts on his mobile phone until it gets repaired. Technology, man, I just don't get it!
Anyway, here are the download links for Vesna's Snatchcast #01:
Adem's told me to let you guys know if there are any other free upload services you'd like the Snatchcast's to go up on each week, to let him know by commenting on this blog post. I'm not sure what any of that means, but okay!
Love you all lots, thanks for your support and I really hope you love this little thing I've made for you all. xoxoxo
x V.
Sensational. So there you have it. Do download, there are some legendary Vesna quotes, such as the bit half way through when she calls Big Brother "a racist." Apologies for the sound quality once again, it didn't help that Ves was stuck in a tram during the recording.
Is it just me, or does the following video clip from J-Pop Boy Band 5566 look incredibly familiar?
Er... Anyone called Camp McFly about this?
ARE WE ALL ENJOYING UK BIG BROTHER?! ISN'T IT MUCH BETTER THUS FAR THAN OUR SHITTY AUSTRALIAN ONE?! ISN'T DAVINA JUST FABULOUS?! CAROLE WENT TO THE SCISSOR SISTERS CONCERT DRESSED AS A MOBILE PHONE!! ISN'T SHE ALSO FABULOUS?!
