Those divine legs, that gorgeous hair, stunning eyes and deliciously chic face belong to Alice Berdeu, one of the two finalists in this years Australia's Next Top Model contest, who is a dazzling mixture of Nicole Kidman, Jerry Hall, Alexis Strum and Dita Von Teese. There are SIX. DAYS. till the Grand Finale of Top Model screens on Fox8, and I am about as excited as Lindsay Lohan behind the wheel of a car.
Alice is considerably taller than her final group of competition. She's 6ft 1. Her co-finalist, Steph H, is about 1 inch tall. During a scene in this weeks episode, make-up artist and the generally quite frightening Napoleon Perdis, asked Steph H and Jordan (who was rightfully eliminated shortly after) who they wanted gone that week. They bitched - in front of - Alice for quite a while, saying she hadn't worked as hard as they had. Out of nowhere, the demure, reserved and usually quiet Alice began firing up, blazing around comments the viewers - let alone the other contestants - probably never imagined could come out of her mouth. The gold-star comment of the evening was themed around her height difference. "Even when they're wearing heels, I'm still 10 inches taller than them."
Oh yeah. She went there.
Aside from all that, this girl truly is the only person in this years comp who has the classic French/London Vogue look about them. The other girls have been gorgeous, yes, but Alice has got that extra something. Between now and June 5th, the Australian public - along with the Oz Top Model judges - have the chance to vote for either Alice or, like, Steph H who, like, always, like, says the word "like", like, all the time. My advice to you is to send a text message to 1999 FOX8 (1999 3698) which reads "Alice".
Some more photographic evidence which should help sway your vote in Alice's favour:
I'm not sure if anyone within the lovely pop blogerati has spoken about these newly leaked Kylie Minogue songs yet, I've only just heard them within the last 40 minutes. Anyway, they've left quite the impression on me...
01. In My Arms 02. Fall For You 03. Lose Control 04. Stars
These are the four tracks which have found themselves - in full - on the interweb for illegal download. These are the four tracks which are said to be taken from the 2007 Kylie Minogue album sessions, cleverly being dubbed as "Kylie X" (PLEASE GOD LET THIS BE THE TITLE). The songs are what I'd call pretty special, a very good sign when the songs in question are DEMO'S.
"In My Arms" is an exceptionally produced piece of Daft Punk/Midnight Juggernauts/Justice-y house-pop. It's got this incredibly sexy talky bit through out, with a sweet breakdown before busting out into a balls-out, phenomenally powerful chorus. In a sentence; pretty good job there Kylie.
"Fall For You" starts off a little like Sophie's "Catch You". In fact, I'd not be surprised if this was a Cathy Dennis penned track, it has that Cathy-Dee feeling sprinkled all over it. This also means; pretty good job there Kylie.
"Lose Control" is another one with a chorus of large proportions. The verses sound a little like Trans X's 1981 single "Living On Video". That is what I would consider a pretty strong thing, what with that being one of my favourite dance songs of all time and all. Any ravers in the house? Tell me you too can spot a slight similarity in the chorus to the main riff from Jurgen Vries' "The Theme" (Dumonde Remix), right? I do recall reviewing that song years ago by claiming it sounded like "Dolphin's being raped", but this track manages to avoid that monstrosity, thankfully. After all that nonsense about mammal fondling, "Lose Control" is of a high quality and would mean; pretty good job there Kylie.
"Stars" is quite the lovely mid-tempo affair with, surprise surprise, a killer chorus. Alarmingly, in summary, this would mean; pretty good job there Kylie.
Four demo tracks which haven't even been confirmed to appear on the upcoming Kylie album, and they're already of a higher standard than anything on the "Body Language" album. This is totally how you do a comeback folks. If these tracks don't end up on the album, then the quality of what will be used is probably going to blow our ears apart with its brilliance. Not sure which of these (if any) are of a Calvin Harris nature, but either or, I still want to marry the man, rip all of his clothes off and make passionate love to him every SINGLE day for the very rest of my life. But that's another story for another time.
Sophie Ellis-Bextor's 2001 debut album Read My Lips was probably my most played record of that year. Back then I could not fault it and - still to this day - think it is one of the greater moments of pop's history in the 2000's. But Trip The Light Fantastic takes the wonder, the beauty and the dazzle splattered all over her first release to a whole new level.
Earlier in the year a 5 track album sampler began floating around the interweb. The five songs, although completely brilliant, were not a clear indication of how spectacular the album would turn out. Sophie's magnum opus had to be heard in full to completely be appreciated. Whilst I immensely enjoyed, for example, "New York City Lights", "Today The Sun's On Us" and "Me & My Imagination" - three of the five album sampler tracks - they never really took me by the ears and shook the life out of me. Until I pieced the album together as it was meant to be heard. Instantly the songs were given a new lease of life. "Me & My Imagination" - the most Spiller-like song on Light... is a gorgeous piece of dance floor totty*, with an incredibly radio friendly chorus that invites you into its warmth. "New York City Lights" is a frantic number with chunks of inspiration drawn from Blondie's "Atomic" and Madonna's "Everybody". That's what I can hear anyway.
"If I Can't Dance" won me over within seconds. The pronunciation of "dance" (she's soooo British, innit?), the shimmy-yourself-stupid chorus (watch Adem as he drives to work every morning, thrusting his shoulders from side to side singing at the top of his lungs), and the crisp electronic production... all a solid song it makes. "China Heart" - what I would call an outright fucking stomper - has the most gorgeously strange instrumentation through it. It's the type of song you could drive a car to incredibly fast at night... it's the hustle and bustle of an evening in New York, Tokyo and Melbourne all rolled into 3 minutes and 44 seconds.
"If You Go" is such a special moment, one which would sit quite comfortably alongside the gorgeous "Is It Any Wonder"from the first record. This one's a Xenomania production, and - rightfully so - tipped to be the third single. The middle eight is to die for, with Soph's voice reaching such gorgeous heights it's impossible not to shiver with a mass of goosebumps. "Only One" reminds me of every movie Rob Lowe starred in during the 80's (picture this: Lowe with his top off, sweating profusely as he plays on his Saxophone. A man who played the sax was SOOO the 'sexy drummer' of your typical 1980's fillum). There's also the "I don't know why you cry/you must have a wind-swept eye" line which made me laugh till I choked the first time I heard it. Totally bewildering in a completely ace way.
Let's talk about why "Love Is Here" could very well be hailed as Soph's most gorgeous musical piece to date. Even the guitar solo is as cute as a button. As a very big fan of a key change towards the end of a song, you can only imagine my surprise when I was struck over the head with not just the one, but two of them in the last 45 seconds of this. When I hear that, an intense wave of euphoria takes over my body, the hairs on my body stand on end and my heart beats a little bit faster. This is how music should make you feel all the time.
"What Have We Started" is a dramatic but luscious love song which insists on making you feel exactly what she's singing about. "Can't Have It All", very loungey and makes me think of the rain, with a final 10 seconds which is all a bit sublime and Pet Shop Boys-esque. "Supersonic" - her collaboration with the musical legend that gave us "Rock Lobster"/pop nutbag/B52 Fred Schneider - is so, so very 90's. Fred's little talky-bit half way through is a completely unexpected, but lovely, surprise.
There are songs I haven't mentioned, which doesn't mean I love them any less. There isn't a single sliver of music on this album which hasn't tickled me in the right way. I remember the very first time I listened to Madge's Confessions On A Dance Floor and being totally dazzled by the production, by how instant it was. And even THAT had a couple of dud moments, whereas Light... completely delivers as a consistent and instant chunk of pop classics. As each song progresses you're left wanting more, hoping it doesn't end and praying there isn't an off-center moment creeping around the corner. I listen to this album and am happy to be alive. It lifts my spirits and it makes me sing. I want to dance at some parts, and at others I want to cry. But it's mainly dancing. It's so rapturous and intensely clever that you feel yourself spun into a hyperbole of emotion with each songs passing.
A note to pop acts releasing albums in 2007: This is going to be a VERY hard record to top. Madge, Kylie, Girls Aloud, The 'Babes - you allbetter be lifting your game. There are now absolutely no excuses for you bitches not to be bringing it. Britney, XXX-Tina take note: this is the kind of material a proper popstar puts on an album. That is all.
*Spot the Ellis-Bextor reference and win a prize!!
To make up for my absence, I think it's high time I invested a bit of web-space to a blogerati round-up. Here's the online goodness that's been fondling my senses whilst I should be studying...
The woman to your left is the little-known sister of Dannii Minogue. She's looking a bit spectacular right now and xolondon has some lovely shots of her for your viewing pleasure. There is also a tidbit on the new Garbage track (thank you xo!) and a pretty accurate review of the new Sophie Ellis-Bextor album. Unless I decide to withdraw it, my review of that should be online tomorrow some time.
The gorgeous Paul and his Zapping are "fizzing at the slit" over Maroon 5 at the moment. I'm yet to listen to the album in full but I have bought it solely on Paul's recommendation, so if I dislike it I'll know who to send the receipt to. Paul was even lucky enough to have a chin wag with the quite-good-looking Adam Levine. FANTASTIC read.
Samuel's VERY ACTUAL LEGENDARY The Hotstuff Files somehow manages to get better as the days roll on. Today there is a piece on Steph McIntosh's UK launch, and how pop is always better in Australia. TELL THAT TO THE THOUSANDS OF AUSTRALIAN'S WHO MADE SANDI THOM, HINDER, EVERMORE AND MISSY FUCKING HIGGINS NUMBER BLOODY ONE ON THE SINGLES CHARTS THIS YEAR. And would you believe that in the space of a couple of weeks, Hotstuff and the ace Pop Trash Addicts have made mention of Girlband? One day I'll write up my story with photographic evidence of their ridiculous children's clothing line at K-Mart. Oh yes folks, I'm actually being serious. In the meantime, you can read other things I've said about them.
Fun Fongo is one of those new sites I cannot stop "refreshing". Great content, very very funny stuff, bookmark this baby.
Speaking of Aussie pop, there is a heavy mention of IAR favourite/possibly convicted drug user Katie Underwood over at the rather delightful A Kind Of Love In. Pinkie's pretty ace, yeah?
The TV advert for the alarming new range of Sugababes Barbie dolls can be found at Bop Pop. Seeing is believing kids...
The mardy CFBGoesPop girls have got a hilarious few pieces on things that are better than Lily Allen. When I asked my mother what she thought was better than Lily Allen, she said "world war". We've already established my mother is not Lily's biggest fan in the past.
Speaking of Lily Allen, Chartrigger has a bit on the whole Cheryl Tweedy v Lily saga, which I refuse to talk about on the website because I think both of them are being absolute fuckwits. J'ason - calling Lily a "two-bit transexual" will certainly make my mothers day when I tell her tomorrow.
Robpop over at Don't Stop The Pop! is predicting a girlband revival of 2007. Yet another blog mention of Girlband! That crazy Columbian group who've covered The Aloud's "Something Kinda Ooooh" were mentioned first at the Pop by the way, further cementing why they're a bit fucking good at what they do down there.
NEW TIFFANY VIDEO CLIP OVER AT ELECTROQUEER!! Raj is my newest MySpace friend who's site I heart, PS.
There is talk of Deborah Hutton liking the cunt over at Luke's brill Billable Units. I HAVE IT ON VERY GOOD AUTHORITY SHE'S QUITE THE RUG MUNCHER.
William's marvellous Fop has looked into the Young Divas crystal ball, predicting big things in the form of 90's dance classics in their future. I may talk on this topic a little more next week some time.
One of my must-visit-daily reads is Pop Poster Girl's totally primo blog. Is this lady one of the pop worlds best bloggers? Yes, yes she is. A favourite story of mine this week is about a boy with lovely eyes.
Both the brilliant Scott, 2 Be Certain and Popjustice discuss Kelly Clarkson's new album cover. Hopefully what's on the actual CD isn't as shit as that new single.
New bookmarks added to the side link-up this week, including fellow Geelong-boy Glenn's remarkable Stale Popcorn, It's like 2 Unlimited; but it's not - it's Pop Unlimited, more goodness at Whudahexup!, and the charming Worrapolava, which I added about a month ago but keep forgetting to mention.
Also, Retro Remixes is one of the greatest new websites you will visit.
GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL! See you in a few hours for Sophie EB stuff.
In news that will have no doubt shocked the 7 people in attendance of 5IVE's press conference held last year to the absolute CORE, the five-gone-four-but-still-called-five piece have decided to call it a day. Again. This time, seven (7!!) months after the electrifying reunion announcement was made. The reason being?
"It is with deep regret that FIVE today announce that their comeback is no more. The band have decided to call it a day, seven months after reforming. They would like to apologise to all their fans throughout the world for any disappointment caused. Despite considerable broadcast interest in a reunion television series being secured, an album being half-way completed and a world tour in the final stages of confirmation, Ritchie, J, Abz and Scott feel that they cannot continue together.
A huge amount of hard work and effort went into the bands' reformation, but with the state of the music business as it is and with decent record deals being so difficult to procure, the band were really left with no other option than to split.
It is hoped that the new tracks the band have recorded will be available for digital download in the very near future."
All in all, the story behind the split simply comes down to not being able to - hem hem - locate an actual record contract.
The whole debacle raises a few interesting points. Let us observe.
* 5IVE were not offered any sort of deal possibly because the new material was just THAT bad, record executives the world over were just trying to save them from (further) humiliation?
* But the deals may not have been flowing like a running tap simply because record companies would rather sign artists like Razorlight or The View. Alarming, I know.
* Quite obviously, by "The View" I mean the horrific band, not the life affirming talk show starring Rosie O'Donnell, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the four greatest women to live after Madonna, Eva Longoria and Vesna BB05.
* Hopefully the B*Witched reformation will work out a little better than the 5IVE one has.
* Ritchie - formerly he of the Billie Piper banging - STILL looks like Celine Dion.
* When is Celine Dion going to make a new English album?
Quite disgusting that the one thing to disrupt my Uni essay scribblings would be to blog about 5IVE breaking up.
The middle eight is bizarre yet completely wondrous, and the rest of the song, well it'll do. It's for charity/Live Earth/Al Gore, and you can read more about downloading the bugger - for free and legally - from here.
PS: Proper updates coming, I've got exams over the next two weeks so my mind has been elsewhere.
The greatest woman to grace Breakfast Television in Australian History has been shown the door, a cruel gameplan originally planned many months ago by Channel 9 CEO Eddie McGuire.
Jessica Rowe had left Channel Nine's Today breakfast program last year on Maternity leave, a mere few months after the "we'll bone her" revelation made its way as front page news across the country. Jess was due back on the show May 21st, but Channel 9 thought they would let her know a few weeks prior that they weren't interested in having her back.
So - like me - Jessica is looking for a new job after being shown the arse. The arse from a job she too was assured of having a little while longer. If you have any options for either of us, feel free to drop me an email. I feel like the two of us share an even stronger bond now that we were both fired in the same week...
To your right is a photograph of the mighty Ruslana, who won the Eurovision Song Contest for the Ukraine a couple of years back. Sadly, there is NO Ruslana at this years comp which means there will be NO crazy outfits made of roadkill, and NO large sticks being bung about on stage. So, aside from the disappointing lack of the 'lana, I'm embracing the fact that this years Eurovision is only a few days away. So I finally took the time to listen through each of the 42 entries today, in order to select my pre-show favourites. Out of all those songs, only 14 of them sparked any interest to my ears. Pretty unimpressive contest by the sounds of it, sadly. Anyways, out of the 14 songs I quite enjoyed, these are the 10 I would vote for were I judge on the evening...
12 POINTS FYR MACEDONIA Karolina Gocheava - Mojot Svet Out of all the non-English songs sung in this years contest, there are 6 (Bosnian, Croation, Slovanian, Serbian, Montenegro, Macedonian) that I can fluently understand. Out of those six, only one of them comes close to being brilliant. And what a song it is. VERY big chorus, really strong nay-na-nay-na's, great verses and a very pretty girl with a good voice fronting it. I'm going to be mighty angry if she performs the English version of this on the night though, which is - sadly - more likely to happen. Pity, I really thought Carola's English performance of her entry last year spoilt the songs original beauty... It's a European song contest so I firmly believe they should sing in their native tongue. This is SUCH a touching song in its Macedonian version, but the English version is terribly boring: "Music knows no queen or colour, day by day, we live our dream". Aside from the lyrics being quite tired, they are COMPLETELY different to what the original offers. I have a feeling I'm going to be very disappointed come Sunday.
10 POINTS DENMARK DQ - Drama Queen Arguably, Dana International was the first Drag Queen/Transesxual/Et Cetera to perform in the Eurovision Song Contest. Her song "Diva" was fabulous, and following in that tradition, Denmark's DQ's song and dance about being a Drama Queen is just as special. What's not to love about this song? Feathers, elaborate dancers, feathers, feathers, feathers, and a momentous key change. It's the Kylie Showgirl Tour crammed into 3 minutes and 5 seconds.
08 POINTS RUSSIA Serebro - Song No. 1 The CFBGoesPop Girls LOVE this, and with very good reason. That chorus is smoking hot! They say "bitches", and call their Fifi-Box a "cherry pie". Sweet! And THAT breakdown... how very Janet "Nasty-Boys"!
07 POINTS GREECE Sarbel - Yassou Maria This song is incredibly confusing. It starts off incredibly Greek, turns into something by Panic! At The Disco, then into a Ricky Martin song, before slamming itself into a bit of Hellogoodbye. All before the first chorus which takes things back to Greece. Fucking crazy.
06 POINTS UKRAINE Verka Serduchka - Dancing Lasha Tumbai Bonkers. ABSOLUTELY BONKERS. It reminds me of the kind of thing Patsy Stonemight dream about after a night on the town. Secretly, I want this to win winwin.
04 POINTS ANDORRA Anonymous - Let's Save The World Good looking emo boys at Eurovision. This trend has officially gone from 'fashion statement' to 'epidemic'. It's like a watered down James Bourne, which possibly speaks volumes. In fact, this song isn't terribly good at all, but considering the caliber of the REMAINING songs in the competition....... Actually, I'm beginning to hate this.
03 POINTS ESTONIA Gerli Padar - Partners In Crime I love it when 50 year old women try their best not to look like 50 year old women by rocking it out on stage. Madonna's not 50 yet smart arses.
02 POINTS UNITED KINGDOM Scooch - Flying The Flag For Christ's sake, surely Gina G was not busy?. I cannot stand this, what a fucking piece of shit. Yet I have listened to it no less than 20 times in the past week. That said, come back Javine!! All is forgiven.
This is why the female cast of Saturday Night Live are among the best comics we have in this world. There's also the Drew-factor of this clip too which, you just cannot deny, is hard to resist. Keep an eye out for the background "Woo!" from Maya Rudolph.
Saturday, May 05, 2007 Australian MTV VMA's = No Surprises.
Fucking hell.
There goes 4 hours of my life I'll never be able to claim back. Not only did I sit through the actual 2007 Australian MTV VMA's, I also managed to survive (barely) the Red Carpet Pre-Show, AND the, er, Red Carpet Post Show.
Have you ever undergone major lung surgery? The kind that disables your general walking abilities for a month, and puts an end to your working and driving privileges for a further six months? Well, I have. And I can tell you right now that if I had the choice of watching the 2007 AVMA's again, or adding another near-death experience to the list of my revolutionary list of health issues, the outcome would most definitely involve a lot of Morphine and a hospital gown, rather than a night of MTV presenters, spreading their infected souls all over our TV screens like some form of digital syphilis.
I love Fergie. Don't get me wrong, the woman is an absolute triumph and has paid a lot of good money to emulate Jack Nicholson in the first Batman movie. Aside from all that, I actually think she's an incredible pop star who's debut solo album should have sold millions more than it did. God bless her soul, she is such a delightful woman that she even agreed to co-host the Australian VMA's with Joel & Benji from Good Charlotte. Equipped with horrifying jokes about "threesomes", "her lovely lady lumps", and a bunch of other stuff I fast forwarded through... Whoever was in charge of writing what went up on the autocue should be doused in petrol, rolled in grams of crystal meth, placed in an empty field and set alight in front of 6,000 schizophrenic amphetamine abusers. I am not. fucking. kidding. Firing them from MTV Australia is simply not enough, they should be dealt with on a terrorism scale.
Perez Hilton was not only presenting an award but co-hosted the Red Carpet Pre-Show with Sophie Monk who - as much as I worship the ground she walks on - still hasn't evolved her general live television being past the rabbit-in-headlights look. Perez called Nicole Ritchie "Zombie hands" on stage and took every opportunity to slam Jared Leto to full effect. Fair enough though, Jared Leto is an absolute fucking wanker. Some street worker from Laguna Beach also presented an award, as did that master of plaigrism Teddy Geiger. It's an incredibly worrying thing when all round cow/Supermodel/part time horse Megan Gale is the most enjoyable and professional presenter the night has to offer. Even Jackie O was a breath of fresh air amongst a bunch of people I'm going to forget the names of the minute I have this xanax. Jackie O!! The Australian TV personality I have spent the last five years fronting a campaign of hate toward! Do you see what this evening was LIKE for me?!
Thankfully, there was minor relief through the night. Four lots of minor relief through a 4 hour 'spectacle' (DOES THAT MAKE IT ONE ENJOYABLE MOMENT PER HOUR??). They were (in no particular order)...
* Sneaky Sound System performing their new single "U.F.O"... Miss Connie is an absolute SUPERSTAR.
* Natalie Bassingthwaighte - she of the Rogue Traders, and James Ash - he of the Rogue Traders, presenting an award. See, I'm not hard to please! Why couldn't they have just enlisted they of the Rogue Traders to host the whole bloody show?!
* The whole evening was just so awkward to watch that it actually evoked one enormous burst of hysterical laughter at the two hour mark.
Some advice organisers should take on board for next years event? First of all, instead of paying a fortune for three International Co-Hosts, why not fork out the same amount of cash for a person who's had actual lessons in public speaking and has experience in managing a crowd through speech, rather than random shouts of "yeaaaah, wooohoo!!"? While you're at it, give every single last person at MTV Australia the sack and hire some actual talent. Although that Irish dude can stay because he's not that bad to look at and sounds a bit like Nadine Coyle. At the very least, do something with your auto-cue script writer/s. And by 'something' I mean 'throw them into a swimming pool filled with piranhas, turn around and never look back.'
I was lucky enough to attend the Rogue Traders' upcoming album preview show at Crown Casino this gone Saturday evening. Will have the full review - with photos - tonight or tomorrow.
