Saturday, August 11, 2007
From The Rubble To Ritz
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 On Tuesday night I felt very, very old. It didn't help that I was at an all-ages Arctic Monkeys gig. What probably didn't help even more was that I was in the very front row of what would, 6 minutes into their set, turn into the most outrageous mosh-pit I'd ever encountered in my life. Surrounded by 16 to 18 year olds. Moshing. Pushing. Knocking me and others over. Did I mention there was pushing? Yeah, there was a lot of that. These bastards were distracting me from appreciating the greatest rock band of the 21st century at the fullest. Now, my problem with this lies with the fact that I'd been waiting outside Festival Hall, in the freezing cold, since 4pm. All in order to secure myself a front-of-stage position so I could stare at my darling Alex (click for bigger pics) whilst he sung to me. Within seconds of the Monkeys opening their set (ironically with "This House Is A Circus"), the temperature in the "mosh" area (which had been labeled "standing" area on my ticket thank you very much) rose from about 25 degrees Celsius to about 45. THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION. As the second song began, I'd decided that the minute I could take a photo of Alex on stage up close, I'd grab my bag from the barricade and push my way out of the prime spot I'd secured. There was no point. I couldn't breathe. I was thirsty. There was a thick stench of beer, teenage sweat and alarmingly sharp body odor mixed with the cheap, locker-room sprays of Lynx lingering through the air. Whilst this all may sound like the setting of some delicious erotic fantasy, delicious; it was not. Erotic; it was not. And most definitely sexy; it was not. Sexy? No, No, No. On top of all that, my attempts at reaching for my camera were doomed. The second I'd placed my hand in my pocket to pull it out (the camera folks), I realised that the very second i took the photo-maker out of my pocket, I'd never see it again. It was all pretty upsetting and I reluctantly grabbed my backpack and began to push my way through to the back of the hall. On my travels, a young girl who'd noticed me leaving latched her arms around my waist and begged my kind self to take her with me; her face was pale and she looked like she was seconds away from death. The poor thing. So I allowed this random stranger (and three of her friends) to latch onto me in a conga-line fashion whilst I charged my way through a sea of fucking idiots.
The further I walked away from the front, the older people got. By the time we'd reached the bar, I was actually spotting people my own age. Some of them were even older! It was like I'd just undergone some sort of biblical revelation; I can only put this down to the fact that I was seconds away from hyperventilating and was suffering from serious dehydration. I got a bottle of water into my hands. Started to drink it. Picture me shaking so much because of how drained I was after my crowd-related, life draining incident. I couldn't believe it; I then spent about 20 minutes trying to calm myself down and barely paid the amount of attention I should have to the set. I sang along to songs, but if you asked me what songs they played during that 20 minutes I'd have no fucking clue.
I eventually found a spot near the side which allowed me to enjoy the remains of the show. I ended up with no on-stage shots, which I was a little disappointed about. But I was more upset about having to leave my well-earnt position up front. Seriously though,the mere thought of trying to last another 6 minutes in those conditions probably would have brought on a heart attack.
The show was great. I may have spent 20 minutes in my own little water-sipping world but the last 55 were probably the best 55 I've spent at a concert in ages. The boys were phenomenal and Alex gave the crowd a few gorgeous monologues in between songs here and there. No surprise covers or anything either; it was all strictly Arctic tracks. BUT then again, they could very well have sung "Biology" during that 20 minute time frame and I wouldn't be able to confirm it. I would like to add, in regards to my surroundings, that Festival Hall is by far the very WORST live music venue in Melbourne and its demolition is LONG overdue. The only seated areas in an Indie-type of show are so far to the sides of the stage that it just isn't worth the money you pay. If you're going to shove people who've paid the same amount of cash as those up the front, at least provide them with large screens to view the show. But nope, not a single screen in sight, just a glimmer of a couple of tiny bodies playing some instruments.
So the show ended and I was determined to at least try and get one of my CD's signed. Out in the cold again, I stood for up to 3 hours (which explains the horrible, horrible flu I have right now) with a bunch of kids aged between 15 and 18. They were talking about assignments they had due the following day, and some were discussing the exams they had coming up. It only made me feel older. I was--once again--the only person there over the age of 18. And I'm quite a few years departed from 18. Anyway, after a pizza delivery guy dropped off 8 boxes of pizza, a bus-boy delivered two bins filled with ice and bottles of beer, Alex and the boys eventually emerged from the side doors of Festival Hall. Jamie waved but joined the others swiftly into the van. Alex began to walk towards us, completely wasted with a glassy look in his eyes; it was bloody adorable. He signed my CD and agreed to a photo. He then signed across the line and allowed me to take a few extra random shots along the way (I am still quite confused that I was the only person out of 20 waiting who had bothered to bring a camera). Just as he was leaving, he walked back over to me, looked at my Girls Aloud t-shirt and said: "That's a crackin' t-shirt my friend!" He then followed it with a wink, smiled, and then turned back around, waving goodbye to the crowd as he walked over to the van.
And that is how My favourite worst nightmare turned into the greatest night of my life.
 Labels: Arctic Monkeys, Gig Reviews, Girls Aloud
5 Comments:
- 3:05 AM | Poster Girl said...
That is amazing. The last part of the story, not the part where you almost died.
And I can't remember if I ever mentioned to you: you were so right. The album is really, really good.
The pictures are great--but get better soon!
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- 3:45 AM | Hotstuff said...
What an AMAZING story.
I might even chance my arm and buy their album. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
- Samuel
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- 8:44 AM | Paul said...
that IS a cracking t shirt my friend. I will dream of Alex tonight
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- 5:04 AM | Phil said...
But Adem! Despite the flu, despite the being forced from your prime position, despite being older tahn the average bear at that gig... you GOT his signature! And the fact, that like Girls Aloud themselves, you got a comment from Alex about your GA t-shirt... THAT should be worth it alone.
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- 12:11 PM | Adem IAR said...
PPG: Thanks hon, feeling much better today, spent the last few days nestled in my bed so have managed to come out the other side relatively quickly.
Samuel: Turn that maybe into a definitely!! You will not regret it.
Paul: It's all I've been dreaming about since. Le sigh.
Phil: Oh believe me, I have been saying that all week. Every time I coughed or felt the scratching on my throat, I just looked at the picture of Alex & I and croaked "god this was all so, so worth it." :D
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