...is quite good.

A total of 7 new Girls Aloud tracks have been made available on a selection of two CDs. First of all, there's the UK #3 CD Single of "Something Kinda Ooooh", which contains an ace Kimba-solo-b-side, and the other 6 come from the 2 CD set "The Sound Of Girls Aloud: The Greatest Hits". It also comes with an alternate version of "Wake Me Up". It's more than likely the demo version but, unlike the "Love Machine" demo which has appeared on the ace new Popjustice compilation, the "Wake Me Up" demo doesn't sound weird.

THE CRAZY LIFE [10/10]
It's not just because Kimberley sings this on her lonesome that makes me love it so. It's such a simple track, minimal bleeps and beats that somehow manages to work. Kimba's voice is put through Cheryl's amazing voice distortion machine, and - judging by things of the past - I suspect that this was co-written by Kimba with the Xeno-guys, which therefore makes this the 2nd most brilliant thing Girls Aloud have ever done. Maybe 3rd.

SINGAPORE [10/10]
To think they left this off the "Chemistry" album, when garbage like "No Regrets" made it to the final cut. This is gorgeous, certainly not the high-nrg pop stomper people had assumed it would be, but none the less, the melody, the chorus, their vocals, the lyrics - just lovely.

HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE [8/10]
An unreleased demo of the Blondie classic, somehow, this works. Nothing overly different to the original, just a slightly more modernized backing track and - dare I say it - at times - weaker than Debbie vocals.

I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW [8/10]
Girls Aloud cover Tiffany. Amazing. It's a dance number that is like a much more fluffier version of their cover of "Jump". The re-constructed middle 8 is a work of genius, but still no match for the "rrrrrrrrrr-eh-rrrrrrrrr-eh-rrrrrrrrrr-eh-rrrr" found in "Jump". Hopefully the video clip will be filmed in a shopping mall (it's the next single), and the girls will wear plenty of denim. Kimberley might have to revive that perm from the "Ooooh" video clip for this one too.

MONEY [7/10]
Girls Aloud meets The Prodigy meets Big Band. It works, but only just. I can tell this is going to grow on me quite heavily though, so come back to me in a week and ask me how much more I love it then.

I PREDICT A RIOT (Live) [6/10]
You know, a studio version would have been much more appreciated girls. Actually, scratch that: You should have covered "Everyday I Love You Less & Less", easily the better Kaiser Chiefs song.

SACRED TRUST [5/10]
Aloud's version of the One True Voice Popstars: The Rivals single, this sounds about as dated as you'd expect. Take a listen to this and then immediately listen to "Sound Of The Underground". If you ever wanted further validation that the viewers of England really did make the right choice, this song is very much it.

Overall, the new material is good enough, and will do for now. The girls plan on touring the greatest hits package and - if you believe Sarah - will be releasing a 4th studio album this time next year.

I won't be holding my breath though.

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The ugly mugs standing with a very young Kylie Minogue there are more well known to most as Stock/Aitken/Waterman. They made some excellent pop music in the early-to-mid-to-late 80's and early 90's. Eventually, they stopped because they hated each other. It was very sad.

Cut to 2006, Australia's Ricki-Lee & The Other Blokes have somehow reinvented the camptastic sounds of Mick Stock, Matt Aitken and Pete Waterman. Their cover of the Donna Summer/S/A/W classic "This Time I Know It's For Real" is a CORKER, going Number #2 on the Aussie ARIA charts. The Gays of People in Australia were apparently more than ready for a bit of the 'ol Hit Factory in the Naughties, and now those Young Divas are set to release an album containing roughly another 5 or 6 S/A/W covers. To celebrate this ridiculously homosexual event, tonight - if you happen to be in the Melbourne/Geelong area - tune your radio to 94.7 FM from Midnight this evening and prepare yourself for the most amazing night of music you'll ever experience.

Yep. A very special Stock/Aitken/Waterman classics edition of Professional Distortion. For those of you who cannot tune in, never fear, for the show will be available for download IN FULL next week some time.

HOW FUN.

Have a great weekend all...

x IAR.

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You may remember, way back in August I went to see the lovely

"We, the people who have signed below, believe that the magnificent Vesna Tosevska should be given a show to host or co-host at your delightful radio station. Out of everyone from any of the Big Brother Series, we feel that Vesna is THE one with the most star quality - and yet she has not been given her own show on commercial radio – something we all feel she so richly deserves. Come one… give her a chance, put Vesna to the air of your, er, waves."

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Over the past week I've been having serious discussions (!) with several friends (!!) about the talent to be found between Andy Lee & Hamish Blake, arguably Australia's two funniest young entertainers.

Their mockumentary style show, Real Stories*, hosted by the amazing Jennifer Adams**, has been a surprise for many - Australian Comedy on Network Television that's actually funny: WHO KNEW?! [Insert picture of P!NK pulling a retarded face with her middle finger sticking up, here.]

The boys also host a now-gone-National drive program on the Austereo Radio Network, one which somehow manages to rope me into listening to Melbourne radio every single day at 4pm. People at my Gym must think I'm the biggest fuckwit because I can be spotted a mile away, heard because I'm in an absolute riot of laughter listening to their shows Podcasts on my iPod.

They're loved by many. Andy won Cleo's Bachelor Of The Year this year (I voted no less than 7 times). Hamish practically runs Spicks & Specks over on the ABC these days (well not really, but he's on it virtually every week). Holly Valance*** said "Bloody oath" during an interview on their radio show, which clearly indicates that she loves them too (maybe not as much as I love her though). After some "investigation" (about 5 hours on Google, at work, whilst I should have actually been working), it became clear that something was horribly wrong. Are any of you aware that there is not a SINGLE WEBSITE DEDICATED TO THESE MEN OF COMEDIC BRILLIANCE?!!!?!?!? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

So, after some continued "serious" discussions with previously mentioned friends, I decided it was probably about time IAR dedicated an entire micro-site to Hamish & Andy. That's happening over the next few weeks, along with - hopefully before the New Year - a Vesna (who, need I remind you all was ROBBED IN 2005's BIG BROTHER) microsite. If you have anything on either Hamish & Andy or Vesna Tosevska you would like to contribute to the microsites, please fire it through the email and I'll get back to you "asap". Legendary people deserve some kind of web-dedication from a fan, and it just so happens Hamish & Andy and the delightful Vesna are Aussie legends of Holly-Valance-Proportions. Hamish is quite funny. Vesna is also quite funny. Andy is also quite funny and a brilliant musician/singer (his band Zoophyte are tremendous and deserve to be bigger than God/Madonna). And I probably need not remind you that Andy's "a bit" pleasant to look at.

So that's something to look forward to. Congratulations to the International readers of my site for making it this far through yet ANOTHER Aussie-only-infused blog post. I promise tomorrow I'll talk about music on a global scale, I promise.

* Real Stories is an Australian Comedy series put together in the same fashion as a Current Affairs program. It is amazing, and this particular "story" was by far the best they'd put together, and I'll tell you why: Keep an eye out for Kylie Minogue. I still cough up my lungs, intestines and other interesting parts that belong inside of me from laughing so hard everytime I watch this "Kylie" scene. Trust me, in the words of Charles & Eddie, "Would I lie to you?".

** Jennifer Adams is - by far - the greatest woman on Australian Television. There is no doubting or questioning this, for it is fact, and anyone who thinks otherwise is very, very wrong.

*** One day I will discuss with you all my intense obsession with Holly Valance, why she's easily my favourite Australian celebrity and why Australia is filled with idiots: idiots who did not buy her absolutely amazing second album. One day, but very obviously, not today.

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To our friends at Channel 10,

When is Australian Princess coming back to our screens? I don't think I can wait for Idol to finish - this needs to happen in the next month or else I'm going to give up complete hope on your network ever being watchable. Now that Australian Idol has officially become more painful to watch than this years Big Brother, I'd just like to know whether or not you guys plan on lifting your game at all? Once a station that was best described as the New Weekly of Television, now threatens to declare itself as a copy of the shittest street press newspaper you've ever seen.

On top of this Idol fiasco, such "quality" programs as The Wedge and David Tench Tonight are causing the most horrific of migranes at the mere thought of their presence. A migrane which insane doses of valium and xanex can only repair. I've had to down half a bottle of each just to write this letter without passing out from the pain.

First, there's Idol. Let's get this very clear: Mark Holden should not be on Television. His place is in a padded cell. What on earth is that man saying half the time? Is he a massive Wiggles fan? Because this is the only excuse one can come up with for the way he speaks. "Googedy-giggly", "Wackity-boom-bam"... what's next, "Zig-a-zig-ah"?? People who are in clear need of refreshing their High School VCE skills should not be allowed on television. Then there's that fucking maggot Lisa Mitchell, boring the country to death one by one by with each strum of that bloody guitar. And what WAS with her ratty hair on last nights originals show? She thinks she's Bjork, doesn't she? She needs a hard slap right across the face. Maybe even a kick to the back of the knees as well. At least Kyle Sandilands and Marcia Hines are on this show to (barely) save the day. Actually, could Marcia win the competition this year? I have no interest in any of the others left winning this competition, is there any way we can vote for her?

Then there is The Wedge. Which, I'm told, is supposed to be a comedy. I have not laughed once whilst watching it. Even the delightful Julia Zemiro cannot save this show. And now there are DVD's being released? IS THIS FOR REAL? Where are your execs getting this high-class Cocaine from, because I'd like to get some - it's obviously really bloody good.

What about David Tench Tonight? Well, it just so happens to be the biggest embarrassment on Channel 10 since 9AM With David & Kim - it's pointless. HE IS NOT REAL. WHY ARE THESE CELEBRITIES PRETENDING HE IS? WHY DIDN'T NELLY FURTADO SCREAM WHEN APPROACHED? WHY DID MICK MOLLOY AGREE TO BE INTERVIEWED (Yes, he had a film to promote, but you're supposed to promote such things on shows people actually watch.)? At least Georgie Parker did the right thing and got blind drunk before coming on the show - something that seems to happen every time she appears on television. God bless her. Is an abundance of alcohol in her contract? I'm curious to know, I'd like to hire her for a function one day and need to know what her requirements are.

And finally, there's 9AM With David & Kim. David Reyne is either constantly complaining about the clothes the stylist has put him in, or talking about his trouser snake and balls bulging through his pants every day. And poor Kim Watkins, a consistently frigid look on her face, living in fear that David is going to ram his trouser snake right up her arse. This is more than car crash television - It is like watching the early stages of the Gulf War EVERY SINGLE MORNING. And let's not even get into that terrible Celebrity Poker Show you forced down our throats last night. Mike Goldman hosting? Was everyone else busy? Where were Bree and Fryzie? Why is Vesna not hosting every single television show on your network yet? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Finally, so you don't think I just about hate everything your network stands for, Jennifer Adams and the Real Stories crew are just about the best thing on television at the moment (Andy Lee is also very easy on the eyes), and Ryan Phelan is quite lovely to look at. He wasn't on Sports Tonight Tuesday Night though, which pissed me right off. Thankfully, Tim Webster was not his replacement. He looks like Ron Moss in about 40 years time, not a sight one wants before hopping into bed for the night.

Please Channel 10, for the love of god, do something about this. You used to be the best free-to-air network in Australia. Now no one holds the title. Thank goodness for VH1 and E! over on Foxtel.

Regards,
Adem IAR.

PS: I miss Gretel. =(

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Let's take a look at some goings on this morning here at IAR HQ.

Thanks to our tremendous friends at Giant Step, I've managed to secure you - the lovely reader of this site - with yet ANOTHER free MP3 Download. One which is, once again, totally legal. It's the Tony Humphries set of remixes from an upcoming Nina Simone compilation called "Remixed & Reimagined".

The remixes on offer today however are not going to be made available on the compilation, so you could say this is an exclusive of sorts.

The remixes in question are very good. But then again, you cannot really go wrong by remixing Nina Simone, can you? Anyone remember the brilliant Felix Da Housecat remix of "Sinnerman" from a few years ago?

Exactly.

>> 01 << Nina Simone - Turn Me On (Tony Humphries Vocal Mix)
>> 02 << Nina Simone - Turn Me On (Tony Humphries Main Mix)

While I'm on the subject of free things, the winner of our Beat Broker/Generationext CD Competition was Michael Salter of Tasmania, Australia. Congratulations Michael, you've won yourself an excellent double CD, filled with music people might dance to when they are out on drugs.

Finally, remember a week or so I had mentioned there were several songs I was unsure of placing at my Number 1 spot for song of the year, and that there was a full length rant of-sorts about this? Well, I can announce the artists fighting for the top spot are: Girls Aloud, Paris Hilton, Rogue Traders, Sugababes and Robbie Williams. And for the first time ever, one of the songs trying to squeeze itself in at Number #1 IS NOT a single, but an album track. Hrmmm....

An undecided top 5 you could say, but more on my chart-debacle later in the week...

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"hey regarding your article on your index page about the young divas. Their second single is being released Nov 11th and is not Right about now. Thats the b side you moron. Its called "happening all over again' a 1990 cover of the Lonnie Gordon disco Smash. The other hting is, to be bagging out you rfellow aussie artists makes you something of a fascist. I say you really need to get your facts right matey before advertising this guff of bullshit on your main index page. Your an aussie disgrace."

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Studio B, who are to be held solely responsible for the rather dire "I See Girls" from last year, manage to mix up quite a storm for the house disc. Aside from a few over-played turkeys ("Flaunt It" needs to be placed in a vault somewhere, never to be heard of for at least a minimum of ten years), tracks like Axwell's "Watch The Sunrise", the Trentemoller Remix of Royksopp's "What Else Is There" and The Egg's "Walking Away" are nothing short of breathtaking. It's also very nice to hear some new stuff from poxyMUSIC as well.

Dr Willis and Scott Alert take things to a harder level with the second disc. Hence the whole 'House2Hard' thing. Kicking it off with the surprisingly good TV Rock remix of Goldenboy & Miss Kittin's "Rippin Kittin" (give it a try, it really isn't the abomination I was expecting it to be), progressing through to some absolute stomper electro tracks (Rob Mooney's "Feelin' Electro" could quite very well be the best dance release of the year.) before finding itself meeting up with some dirty tech trance and, alarmingly, even a bit of hardstyle by discs end. But don't worry, it's only a couple of tracks of hardstyle, which I'm sure we can all agree is quite possibly the most hideous genre of music in the history of recorded sound.

Even though meshing all these genres together - on paper - sounds like an absolute car crash (inevitable with Hardstyle some might say), when put into action it's quite good really - minus the hardstyle.

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I know I said I wouldn't be talking about Idol, but after last night's disgusting display of Australia getting it all wrong once again, I feel my silence must be broken. For my dear Queen Lavinah was booted right out of the Idol 8 last night by you, the terrible Australian.

Lavina did "Best Of My Love" justice. Granted, it's not the best disco song in the world (she really should have done Amii Stewart's "Knock On Wood" - an assured touchdown), but she was lovely none the less. Certainly much better than a couple of the others. How about that foul guitar-strumming, falls-festival-going, Missy-Higgins-and-Ben-Lee-loving, Super-cool-indie jTV watcher, Lisa Mitchell, who couldn't even "talk" her way through Blondie's "Heart Of Glass" without fucking it up? You know, if Deborah Harry had seen Lisa's performance on Sunday, the girl would have been shot right in the head just in time for her to miss last nights show. Maybe it's not too late to send Debbie the footage. Lord only knows what drivel she's going to make us sit through next week with that fucking guitar of hers.

My family have been more than repulsed by Lisa's appearance on their television sets. Here are some choice quotes:

Mum IAR: "I cannot believe she's still there and Lavina is gone. I fucking hate her, she's... she's a whore."

Aunty IAR: "I can sing like that too, you know. Anyone who has the ability to - you know - TALK, can 'sing' like that too. She should be disqualified, that's not singing, that's reciting poetry."

Uncle IAR: "Hopefully someone will smack her over the head with that fucking guitar of hers next week."

My family - on occasion - can be brilliant. I can't leave you without sharing one of my friends comments as well: "Wouldn't it be hilarious if she totally screws it up next week on acoustic night? I hope she does."

How AMAZING ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

Sadly, the same cannot be said about this country. Once more Australia proves it's ridiculously tone deaf.

Just one final thing, that picture of our Queen and the delightful King Kyle together... it sparks up something, doesn' it? C'mon Sandilands, now that Tamara's apparently busy spreading her legs for Dave Navarro, you're going to need someone signed to that record company of yours...

...and I would like a single from Lavina by tomorrow, so hop to it.

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Over the weekend I managed to drag myself away from the PILES AND PILES of work that I have strict deadlines for, in order to attend a live show those lovely folk from the Rogue Traders were putting on in Geelong.

It. Was. Sensational.

The support for the night came from the quite good TV Rock, and the poor mans version of Girls Aloud, Girlband. So let's begin where most of these tales do - at the very start. I arrived at The Geelong "Arena" (an incredibly misleading name) early. Over two hours early in fact. Eager, I know, but you have to understand that there was no way I was going to allow anyone else to snatch my rightful place up the very front of the stage. In the two hours of waiting around, myself and the three pop-loving-freaks I took along with me managed to amuse ourselves to the point of delirium. For example - a taxi drove past, and we made claim that it was Girlband's ride. We then joked a bit more about them having to pay the taxi fare themselves. The joke (somehow) continued hours later when Girlband appeared on stage minus a member; "Ah, OBVIOUSLY, the other one didn't have enough cash to pitch in for Taxi fare, so she got left behind".

BUT. Back to the start. TV Rock opened up the proceedings with guest vocalist's Seany B and Nancy Vice. Let me tell you a little something about Nancy Vice. She is like a mixture between Eurovision entrant Silvia Night, and former X-Files star Gillian Anderson (ask your parents). Which makes this lady VERY AMAZING INDEED. Take a look for yourself...

Oh. My. God.

"Believer" kicked things off, as Natalie filled the "Arena" with every ounce of her energy, parading about stage like the goddess that she is. Nat's voice was in perfect-form too, surprising many around me. I was not surprised however, because I always knew Natalie was an absolute star whose talents covered MANY areas. Now everyone else does too. Thank heavens for that.

"White Lightning" and "Watching You" followed, with James, Tim and Cam exuding just as much energy as Nat was behind their respective instruments. The treats kept coming, and through the night we were given gifts in the form of three new songs, including "Better In The Dark" (in which Natalie sings a line simply MADE for a Girls Aloud single: "You look better in the dark"), the ace "Shout Out" and the even, er, acer "What You're On". "Rescue Me" took the high-energy levels down a bit, as did "World Go Round". All which were performed effortlessly by "our" Nat.

As Miss Bassingthwaighte vacated the stage for a quick costume change, James Ash took centre stage and positioned himself behind a set of turntables/CDJ's/I-can't-remember-which-one-it-was. It was time to step back into the Rogue Trader time-capsule. For those of you who aren't aware (shame on you, et cetera), The Rogue Traders had an album out in 2003 called "We Know What You're Up To". This was before the inclusion of Natalie to the band line up, and when it was just James and Steve Davis as the faces of the act. Their first album is THE greatest dance music album an Australian artist/s has ever produced so, you know, it's a bit of shame no one bought it.

Anywho, James' history lesson came in the form of a DJ set, mixing 3 of the Traders' back catalogue numbers together as one. "Give Into Me" - which should have been Number #1 in this country for years - pulsated through the system first, followed by the EUPHORIC CLUB ANTHEM "Stay?". A bit of INXS followed, with the Rogue's remix re-titled "One Of My Kind". Some of you may remember that song being quite big. And rightfully so.

Watching James up there was amazing. This was a man I grew up listening to on the radio as an impressionable teenager (James used to host shows on Hitz FM and Kiss FM in the early-to-mid-to-late-90s). This was one of the four people who was responsible for my early interest in radio. The was one of the four people who was the reason I now host my OWN radio show in my "older" years. One of the reasons my passion for dance music is as strong as it is these days - again, I grew up listening to people like James Ash, Paul Dowsley, Lisa Foley and so many others from Hitz - and their passion for and knowledge of dance music not only inspired me, but TAUGHT me so much as well. Truly. Watching one of the people responsible for all of that up on stage, taking in all of his success - it was without a doubt the most brilliant moment I've ever had the honour of experiencing at any concert. To see someone I looked up to - scratch that - STILL look up to - standing up on a stage, performing in one of the greatest pop concerts I've been to... yeah, definitely a moment to remember.

Nat returned in the most exquisite British-flag inspired dress since Geri Halliwell's infamous Brit Awards "gown".


Isn't she just sensational?

"Fashion" followed shortly after, and just as I thought things could not get any better, THEY DID.

Regular readers of the site may remember a few months ago I made mention that the Rogue Traders should cover Transvision Vamp's "I Want Your Love". I said that because not only is it BEGGING to be covered, it was pretty much MADE to be covered by Natalie. End of. So you can imagine the absolute VOCAL ORGASM I underwent as the beginning of that VERY SONG began to blast through the speakers. Looking back on it all now, it was quite clearly all a bit too much for me. I'd just had an emotional experience minutes earlier watching James do his DJ thing, and now THIS was happening. If I wasn't screaming so much, I probably would have cried tears of sheer joy. Let's hope the cover is studio-recorded and, one day, surfaces as a B-Side to a future single release.

"We're Coming Home" signalled the "end" of the show (well, the "end" before the encore anyways), with the crowd inside the "Arena" chanting for more. As the guys returned to the stage, Natalie positioned herself on a stool, and began to serenade the audience with a touching, slow and gorgeously tender version of the first verse to "In Love Again", which IS the 5th greatest song ever made IN HISTORY. By the 2nd verse, in kicked the heavenly synth-electro-pop beats found within the original, and I absolutely lost my shit.

Of course, one more song to go before they could call it a night, and that was "Voodoo Child" which, as predicted, managed to tear the mutha-fuckin' roof off the "Arena".

To say this show was money well spent would be an understatement. I haven't had THAT much fun at a concert in a very long time. Nor at any festival I've gone to either. The atmosphere and the entire show was even better than any Big Day Out Festival I've gone to (International Readers: Big Day Out is a massive indie-music festival thrown every year here in Oz over summer). What else can be said except that this is most certainly my choice for live show of the year, without a doubt.

I was lucky enough to meet Natalie after the show. I waited around with several other fans for nearly 2 hours. Unfortunately, the 3 minutes I'd ducked back inside to use the public toilet just so happened to be the 3 minutes James decided to leave the venue and drive off in a van. I was mortified, I had so many exciting things for him to sign and so many more exciting things to say to him. Next time I'll just have to hold off my waters, won't I?

Anyways, as promised, exclusive photos as taken by myself can found here. Please don't publish them on your website unless you ask me for permission first. And if you ask me, of course I'm going to say yes. But it's just nice to be asked you see. Thievery is SO uncool.

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...the complete verdict from Sunday's ROGUE TRADERS show, along with exclusive photographs and nothing more. Kind of.

October the 23rd celebrates 1 year since the Rogue Traders released their 2nd album, "Here Come The Drums" here in Australia. As a form of appreciation, I'll be taking a glance at the album this week - comparing what I said about each song a year ago to what I think of them now. Fascinating, I know. And what's more, I'll be doing the same in November for Madonna's "Confessions On A Dancefloor". But, the Rogue madness DOESN'T STOP THERE.

You may also be aware that, before Natalie joined the line up, the Traders (James Ash and Steve Davis) had released what can only be described as a seriously slick and superb dance album in 2003. The Long Player is called "We Know What You're Up To", and it is one of the greatest (if not THE GREATEST) Australian Dance Records of all time. Sadly, barely anyone bought it (I had to actually HUNT for the album around all the stores in Geelong at the time), which is a real shame because it is several million shades of spectacular. So to bump the number of people who've bought it since 2003 from 6 to 7, I'll be talking about that as well and how it is truly worthy of having in your collection. The outcome will be that - hopefully - one of the 3 people that read this website will go out and buy a copy.

Also this week will be the announcement of four songs released in 2006. Not just any four songs though, oh no. Four songs that are fighting each other for the Number 1 spot on my end of year singles chart. Each year it's a battle - to say the least - so this week I'll be making the effort to explain why.

This could all go really well or completely blow up in my face.

I trust you all had a splendid weekend, yes?

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