Wednesday, August 30, 2006 The Man who, sadly, has no Iron mask
I promise this is not going to become a habit.
Honest to god, I swear I'm not going to make it a regular thing, banging on about Australian Idol every time it's on. I'm going to leave it in the more than capable hands of brilliant people like Scott and, I'm hoping - when she gets her net turned back on - Jess.
You must understand that I'm - very patiently - waiting for Australian Princess to return, so I'll be saving all my reality television talk for that. However, after tonight's Idol, I feel like something needs to be said. Something for which I am most likely going to pelted with rocks for, but, whatever. I was strong when I told people "You know what, I actually LOVE the Paris Hilton album". I was strong when I told a close friend the other day that "Yes, I actually DO think Kyle Sandilands is strangely attractive". So now it is time for me to be strong and say the following:
Lavina Williams and Lydia Denker are, in my ideal top 12, our two finalists. Lavina "Labia" Williams ripped Aretha Franklin's "Natural Woman" a new arsehole, whilst Lydia Denker turned a very good Whitney Houston song into a fucking BRILLIANT LYDIA DENKER SONG.
To celebrate Lydia, here is a downloadable (!) mp3 of her single from 2001, which can be found on the 1st series Big Brother Soundtrack, called "Real To Me". It was written by Merril Bainbridge, who we should all remember for such songs as "Mouth", "Under The Water", and for not really ever being quite as good as Max Sharam. I've included the original version (which is bloody ace), and the Barcelona Remix, which was the version on the Big Brother Soundtrack.
If Lydia gets through, I'll post the song she recorded for the One Perfect Day soundtrack.
Anyways, I URGE YOU ALL TO SMS THE FOLLOWING NAMES TO 191010: SMS #1: Lydia SMS #2: Lavina
PLEASE Australia, let us not make any more mistakes with our final 12. If I wanted to watch Eric Stoltz in Mask, I WOULD BLOODY WATCH IT BECAUSE I OWN IT ON DVD.
Hello, what's this then? Why, this would be THE COMPILATION OF THE YEAR. Joy FM, Melbourne's Gay & Lesbian radio station, are about to release the third installment of their latest compilation series. It consists of two CDs, all of which are absolutely packed-choc-full of BRILLIANT POP SONGS. Let me give you a guided tour of just a tiny few of the tracks featured on this amazing CD.
Gaelle's "Give It Back" (which you may remember came in at Number #9 on my Top 205 songs of 2005) sits along side such gems as Dannii Minogue's "So Under Pressure", Goldfrapp's "Ride A White Horse", Tina Cousins' "Pretty Young Thing", Lisa Scott-Lee's "Electric", T-Funk feat. Katie Underwood and the lovely "Be Together", Izzy & the other blokes with "Watching You" (rrrrrrrrrrawwwwwkkkkkkk!!!), "Suburbia" by the WEST END GIRLS (holy fucking HELL DO YOU SEE HOW AWESOME THIS CD IS GOING TO BE?!), September's "Satellites", Wonderland Avenue's "White Horse", and even an ace re-swizzle of an old Ike & Tina Turner track.
All of these tracks - plus the rest which feature on this cd - are splendid musical ditties that I have gotten an ear-erection over at some point this or last year.But the real show stopper (boom-tish) comes from my favourite ladies of pop, Girls Aloud, and the inclusion of the OUTSTANDING Australian released single "The Show", which came in - with a bullet - at number #67 (insert very upset smiley face here) on the Aria singles chart earlier this year. Girls Aloud + Dannii Minogue + The West End Girls + Other brilliant pop songs = the greatest compilation put together in the year of 2006. Thank heavens that the search for the king (or queen) of that title is now OVER. "Don't look any further", as they say. (FUCK OFF HEATHER SMALL!)
"Joy 94.9 Volume 3" is released on the 16th of September through Central Station Records, and I strongly urge any Australian fan of pop music, or any Australian Gay who would like to support the country's only radio station of its kind - to fork out that $30 and buy said CD.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006 Veronicas + Geelong = Bonkers Much?
The City of Greater (!) Geelong.
That is the name the council of Geelong go by. The City of "Greater" (!!) Geelong. For our International readers, Geelong is a place situated in Victoria, Australia. It's by the bay (thankfully not Summer Bay, quite possibly the only thing Geelong has going for it), and often tries to be a more relaxed version of Melbourne. But, we all know full well that it really only ever comes off as a modernized Adelaide.
Sadly, I was born in Geelong. What is probably even worse is that I still currently live in Geelong. A town who's stereotypes across Australia consist of beer drinking bogans, a record number of stolen moccasins from the local K-Mart (this is FACT, I am dead serious), and drunken scrags that give birth to their 46th child by their 13th birthday. Stereotypes which are only true in our "trouble" areas (everyone has them, don't they St. Albans, Sunshine and Dandenong? You too Cronulla).
Somehow, these stereotypes did not prevent those lovely sisters called The Veronicas from putting on a bit of a show here on Sunday Night, because, of course they were not going to be confronted with THAT type of ridiculousness, right? Surely people that steal footwear from K-Mart and reproduce at an alarmingly frightening rate are simply unable to afford a ticket to see a pop band, yes?
Well. Obviously not.
And after hearing what happened at the gig from a best mate who worked security on the night, I suspect they will not be returning again.
Let's start off with crowd trampling. Avalon Drive, the support act on the girls' "Revolution Tour" apparently gave security a miniature heart attack when they demanded the people in the back, up in the seats, move their way down toward the front for a mosh of sorts. Everyone was told prior to being seated that, if you are in a seat, you are to stay in that spot. Not surprisingly, security had a bit of a hard time controlling things, but eventually got it all sorted. I am assured that Avalon Drive were given quite the strongly worded letter in verbal form from the stadium's management.
The real problems held off until the end of the show though. As the lights went on in the stadium (!), and security had escorted the last person outside, a frantic search for the V's drummer began. It wasn't until a good 15 minutes into the search that the drummer was found, on the ground out cold and unconscious. You see, as the show was ending, Mr Drummer was leaving the stage and somehow managed to fall off the back of it, hitting his head along the way and knocking himself out. He would have been there for about roughly 30 minutes. Out cold. A good 30 minutes. Almost forgotten. 30 Minutes.
Then, an ambulance was called. It arrived (as they do, sometimes even on time), and security began to lift the drummers body onto a stretcher to have him popped in the back. Whilst this was going on, The Veronicas were attempting to make a quick exit-of-venue and into-the-white-van. Never mind the fact that there were about 30 screaming Corio-bogans, willing to fight tooth and nail for a simple after-show glimpse of the V's all hovering about the car park. Things got a bit out of hand, with several people attempting to bolt for the girls. A female security officer went to stop one of them, but some silly security guard was not going to stop this particular girl from her destiny to meet the V's. So much so, she BIT THE SECURITY GUARD UNTIL THERE WAS BLOOD COMING FROM HER ARM.
She was swiftly arrested. Along with two others for similar conduct.
I am absolutely petrified as to what the poor Rogue Traders are going to encounter when they come to the same venue in October. God help us all.
There is some sunshine after the rain though. My security mate was having a friendly chat to Lowie from The Hot 30 on the Austereo Network, and host of CD LIVE on Foxtel. She questioned him during the conversation, after assuming he did not like The Veronicas (it was something he said apparently), that "It must be hard for you to interview bands you think are shit." I later explained to her that Lowie was apparently dating one of the V's. She is most probably still as red-faced this very minute as she was last night when I told her.
Monday, August 28, 2006 "What's wrong with fanny-wiping?"
I hope you, the lovely readers of this site, enjoyed a weekend as brilliant as mine was.
I can actually proclaim that it was the "BEST. WEEKEND. EVER".
Let me take you through my Saturday afternoon. As some of you may have already known, I had an appointment set for a cut and colour with Vesna Tosevska - finalist from Big Brother 2005 - at her lovely salon in Camberwell.
I can now say that Vesna is quite possibly the greatest living person in this world, and actually manages to (somehow) be funnier in real life than she was on TV. We talked for a good four hours (about some extremely controversial topics too, which I will be keeping hidden under my belt thank you very much), discussed television, life, the fact that she still hasn't gotten any decent work out of the shows success (Harry M Miller - what kind of agent ARE you?), why she hasn't released a single yet (again, Harry M Miller - what kind of agent ARE you?), and her thoughts on Tom Cruise: "Did you hear he got dropped by Paramount?" she chirped. "No doubt it was because they finally realized he was a bit of a dickhead." It actually got better though; "and what about when he was on Oprah, destroying her furniture? I tell you now, Oprah would not have liked that, she does not put up with that kind of shit on her set."
Yes, it is true. Vesna is a genius.
The most refreshing thing to see was that Ves (we got along so well that I can now call her "Ves" you see) is exactly how I remembered her to be on television: Bright, Funny, Switched on, Funny, Funny, Funny, Fucking hilarious, Joyous, Bubbly, FUCKING HILARIOUS, FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY. Did I mention she was funny and fucking hilarious? Well, she TOTALLY was. *Flicks hair back in a Fast Forward "Dumb Street" fashion*
Let's take a look at a couple of Vesna's great hilarity filled moments from last years Big Brother.
* Vesna, whilst eating a packet of Pringles, realizes she has just finished her very last chip. In a state of fury and hunger, Vesna begins to scream at the top of her lungs. This continues for at least a full minute. (I must thank Will Fop for reminding me of this brilliant moment on Saturday evening!)
* Kate "I hate the gays and my real name is Rochelle" Whatshername is discussing with Ves and Christy how she has no clean underwear to have a shower in. Vesna then starts talking about her "femme-wipes", and how she should just use them and "give your vagina a bit of a wipe". Tim grumbles at Vesna's brilliant idea, to which the Macedonian Goddess snaps back with "What's wrong with fanny-wiping?".
Is she not the most ace woman ever?
How could all this brilliance simply not ignite so many ideas in your head of how our beloved Vesna should re-enter the public eye? Don't you think she would be great on radio?!
Well Vesna thinks she'd be great on radio too. It's a giant pity that her "hard working" agent and "the powers that be" don't seem too fussed in helping Vesna along the way though. At all. It's quite obvious that Ves has a LOT of fans and admirers still in this country - let us not forget that she came 2nd place in this years Favourite Housemate of all time poll. Let us also not forget how devastated most of Australia was when she was evicted the night before the finale last year.
I still have my nights where I cry myself to sleep because of it.
So why hasn't she graced us with the soothing sounds of her voice on the FM Dial? There are a few conspiracy theories (ones that I firmly believe are, sadly, right on the mark) as to why she's not had a single decent media job since getting out of the house ('Celebrity Ready Steady Cook' simply does not count Mr Miller). It has been well over a year on, and I think it is high time that our Ves gets what she wants.
Over the next few days I'll be launching a petition, one which, when there are enough signatures, I am going to send to every commercial radio network in Melbourne. Vesna is aware of this campaign and endorses it 100%. Also, over the next month, I'll be opening up the Official (!!) Vesna Tosevska website. Before the end of the year, with all our powers combined ("Hey! That's my line!" - Captain Planet), I am hoping we will have this absolutely gifted and spirited woman talking brilliance into a microphone for all of Melbourne to hear. I mean, FOR FUCKS SAKE, if that absolute MONGOLOID Angela from last year was able to get a job on radio, WHY HAS VESNA NOT?
I'll keep you all updated on the petition. I am expecting all of you to sign it, too.
Friday, August 25, 2006 U & UR HND IZ TTLY LYK 4EVA'Z LOL!!111
P!NK is about to release one of the greatest songs OF THE YEAR. It's called "U & Ur Hand". Incidentally, it's about masturbation, which is a topic P!NK quite enjoys crooning about.
The Origliassos Veronicas have a great song, as you know, called "4Ever". Aside from terrible mobile-phone text speak being used in the titles of both these songs, they also have something else in common. The choruses sound exactly the same.
GASP! It is true. And the reason being may have something to do with the fact that both of these songs were penned by Max Martin. You know, the man who brought us "...Baby One More Time", "Oops! I did Again", pretty much all of NSync's stuff, and more recently Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone". To say he's made a bit of money in the last few years would be quite the understatement.
Anyways, someone on the internet has decided to mash the two songs together, and then mash them again with bits and pieces of each video clip. It needs some work, but is as close to brilliant as we'll probably get, and thanks to the amazing Popjustice and their story on this yesterday, you can watch it here:
NOW. Let us discuss how P!NK's "U & Ur Hand", although released much later, is quite obviously the superior song of the two.
It's time for Nicola Friday, the exciting (!) new 'regular thing' that happens on IAR, funnily enough, every Friday. On Nicola Friday's, myself, or someone from a blog I love dearly (Alyson from CFBGoesPop was last weeks Nicola Friday Guest Contributor) discusses in great detail what song from the vaults of pop they would like to see Girls Aloud band leader Nicola Roberts cover, once the ladies split up and Nicola goes it alone.
Last fortnight I professed my love at the mere thought of Nicola one day covering Madonna's Gambler. This time around, it's Girls Aloud's "Models".
You are probably thinking it's a little strange that I've selected a song by Girls Aloud, the pop group Nicola is currently a member of, for this weeks Nicola Friday. But If you all remember correctly, "Models" was cruelly overlooked as a single in place of the ballad "Whole Lotta HysterectomyHistriiiiia History". Whilst that song was quite nice, it didn't perform as well as the girls' "people" had hoped. This was quite clearly because they hadn't released "Models", which would have been at least Number 5 for about a week.
So in light of the fact that not many people even know the avant-garde brilliance of "Models" even exists, Nicola Roberts, the year 2007, mega super-solo-popstar, famous the whole world over (UK, US & Australian Number #1 debut single), is about to release her first solo album, and the second single to come if it is a dance floor stomper called "Models".
Even though it is quite safe to say that no one could quite do this song the amount of justice that my beloved Kimberly does in the original, I'm quite certain that Nicola's solo effort would be almost just as good.
The video clip would take place in a Myer/Grace Brothers Store. It is after dark and the 7 or 8 mannequin Nicola's around the clothing department start to "come to life", eyes begin blinking and their mouths start to move: "Girls Girls Girls.... Girls Girls Girls...." coo the plastic Nicola's, who would be completely still if it weren't for their lips moving to the song. Then, the all out stomper assault of "COZ HE Loves the models..." begins, and the Nicola's start moving about the store.
Obviously, all of the mannequin Nicola's have extremely large cat-walk like hair. The kind of hair Kimberley should have had in the clip if Girls Aloud had bothered to release the song in the first place.
They start trashing the shop, trying on clothes, dancing in the perfume department (smashing bottles and what not) and just generally causing a bit of a "kerfuffle". Things get a bit out of hand between two Nicola mannequins in Manchester after a pillow fight breaks out, and there are feathers flying everywhere.
You get the general idea of this clip, don't you? Mayhem in a shopping store, after hours. Amazing isn't it?
Of course, this song, in an ideal world, would go to Number #1 the world over and stay there for about 6 months.
But a number #5 in one or two countries for about a week would do.
MP3 >> Coming later on, I can't seem to get anything uploaded today.
Look what arrived in the post today. Yes, it's an exciting promotional copy of Deni Hines' new album "Water For Chocolate".
Sadly, this "exciting" promotional copy is a good four fucking weeks late, as the album was released on SATURDAY. Never mind all this though, and let's "get on with it".
Aside from the fact that on the cover, Deni looks like she should either be doing adverts for World Vision (as one of the starving children and not the celebrity) or, you know, maybe eating a Salada every once in a while, this album is quite a brilliant little package.
WATER FOR CHOCOLATE, the first single lifted off the album, sadly bombed. It is however a very nice and slick piece of urban-pop that should have been top 10 for at least one week. Two weeks would have been ideal but I'm sure you would all agree that's probably pushing it.
5 DAYS OF RAIN is yet another urban stomper, with rapping (not from Deni, sadly) and all. Her voice is as strong as ever, and the production on this number is so... stylish.
CUT IT UP is easily the albums finest hour. If this is not a single, god only knows what she's thinking. Hines refers to herself as a "hip hop fiend", and channels Nelly (the ugly one with the bandaid on his face) on several occasions. But you know, unlike Nelly, is really quite good.
RHYTHM OF LIFE meshes soul, Deni's obvious first musical love, with her almost-as-loved urban. Again, so incredibly stylish, and the chorus is extremely luscious.
SON OF A PREACHER MAN is, sadly, to be the next single. Deni starred earlier this year in the amazing musical DUSTY, which was based on, funnily enough, Dusty Springfield's life story. Deni played Dusty's rug-munching lover, and was obviously able to obtain recording rights quite easily for it, so she thought "Hey, why the fuck not?" quite inspired after her musical stint ended, hence this cover of Dusty's biggest hit (not her best however. I'd be much more impressed if Deni had covered "I Close My Eyes And Count To Ten"). It's nice enough, sticks very closely to the original, but still feels a little karaoke. All I can say is I'm very much looking forward to the remixes.
NEW DAY stinks. Ballad. Horrible.
GHETTO HEAVEN, is, without a doubt, the sexiest Deni has ever sounded on record. This is so sensual, yet extremely dramatic. It's all about music, preaching, and needing "Ghetto Heaven". This can be taken many ways, but I'm going to take a guess she's saying she needs some "food". "Sister needs her sugar, to get her through the day, she aint got no money, but she always got a way to pay". Quite.
FREEDOM and LOVE JOURNEY all go down a lovely soul route, but SWEET LOVIN' sounds a bit boring. Possibly a grower so I will not rule it out just yet.
GETTING ON MY NERVES sounds like something that would have maybe been on the new Kelis album had she worked on it with The Neptunes instead of people who were not The Neptunes. Which obviously means this is really very good. And that Kelis' new album is not so much.
THAT'S YOU has guitars and sounds a bit dated. Deni does say "shit" though, which makes up for the dated sound, it instantly then becomes brilliant.
Overall, this is a solid album. More than solid, this is refreshing. Deni's a bit like the urban Dannii Minogue - somewhat haunted by the shadow of an older relative in the biz (God Marcia has been splendid so far on this years Idol, hasn't she? I particularly like it when she vocalizes how wet she is when any of the males sing to her.), and, much like Dannii, is the 'slightly' better one.
It's disappointing to think that whilst street-walking vultures like The Pussycat Strays have the attention of young urban-ears, something with as much class and sophistication as the new Deni Hines album will be overlooked and ignored. This is the way RNB should sound like. Sadly, no one really seems to care any more about such style. It's all about beeping the word "Cunt" from said genre these days and somehow creating a whole song out of an annoying noise used for censorship.
10/10 This is the closest Australia has come to producing a contender for album of the year for 2006. Absolutely breathtaking.
Monday, August 21, 2006 Celebs Say The Darndest Things
Quite recently, Beyonce "Not-as-good-as-Kelly-coz-Kelly-says-dang" Knowles was reported to have been "furious" that Angelina Jolie had beaten her to the number #1 spot in a Sexiest Female's Poll.
Not that Beyonce had a chance at the top spot. Number #5 is the ranking she managed, making her America's answer to Jana "Pittbull" Pittman, who we all can recollect, with much endearment, as being a bit of a fuckwit.
But the 'yonce has insisted the report is rubbish. "I'm not mad that I'm number five" she says, "I'm mad I'm listed at all. Every woman is sexy because she can give birth to a baby."
Sorry Beyonce, can we hear that again?
"I'm not mad that I'm number five. I'm mad I'm listed at all. Every woman is sexy because she can give birth to a baby."
Sorry love, I'm not entirely sure I heard you correctly, please, one more time?
"I'm not mad that I'm number five. I'm mad I'm listed at all. Every woman is sexy because she can give birth to a baby."
My god. There really are no words, are there readers?
Something on the side: It should be noted that Beyonce's next single - and its video clip - are both very ace. She screams down a megaphone in the song, and lusts for Michael Douglas in the clip.
SPECIAL THANK YOU TO SCOTT, 2 BE CERTAIN FOR NOTIFYING ME OF THIS ALARMING QUOTE. HE IS BACK, BY THE WAY, AND HAS RETURNED TO THE EXCELLENT FORM WE ALL FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM FOR DURING LAST YEARS IDOL. PAY HIM A VISIT AND RE-BOOKMARK THE SCOTT.
Well. It seems tonight's installment of my Friday Night radio show Professional Distortion is gearing up to be quite massive.
Not only will we be celebrating Madonna's birthday by giving away no less than SEVEN (7) copies of Madge's "Confessions On A Dance Floor" album on LIMITED EDITION PINK VINYL, we'll also be road-testing the brand new Paris Hilton album. NOT ONLY THAT, but we'll also be GIVING AWAY 5 COPIES OF SAID ALBUM, which is simply called "Paris" and contains such stompers as "Nothing In This World", "Screwed" and the poptastic first single "Stars Are Blind".
It also includes her hilarious cover of "If You Think I'm Sexy". Quite ironically, it is not very sexy at all.
This Paris Prize pack is all thanks to Warner Music. Amazingly, they've been quite generous to my beloved radio show. Not so much to the website though. Funny that.
So, don't forget to tune in tonight (Melbourne & Geelong viewers only, sorry!) from Midnight over on 94.7 FM, for more details on how you can win yourself a copy of the new Paris Hilton album or a Madonna record on... er... record.
It is the end of the week, and to celebrate, I've moved Nicola Mondays to Fridays!
What happens on Nicola Fridays is that I, being a lover of music, will each week select one song from the vaults of pop music history, and explain why Nicola Roberts, Band Leader of Pop group Girls Aloud, should cover said song when she launches a solo career once the girls split in December.
Of course, on some weeks, people that write and/or run fabulous blogs that I worship will contribute, discussing what pop-vault-classic THEY think Nicola shoud cover. One week it will be me, the next, someone else. So for those of you who failed math, each fortnight will be my contribution, and the other weeks will be someone elses. Fantastic! This fortnight's guest comes in the wondrous form of Alyson from the amazing CFBGoesPop, and although I do not approve of her use of Hamish Blake in the video clip (my fantasies involve Andy and nobody else thank you), it is none of my conern because this is HER Nicola Friday, not mine...
DON'T FORGET THERE IS AN MP3 ON OFFER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POST AS WELL, SO IT IS TRULY WORTH "STICKING AROUND", IF NOT FOR THIS BRILLIANT AND HILARIOUS PIECE OF WORK THAT ALYSON HAS WRITTEN BUT THEN FOR THE AMAZING BETTY BOO TRACK YOU WILL NOW OWN ILLEGALLY.ENJOY! Alyson, CFBGoesPop: Even though in the great girlband wars of 2006, I'm a card carrying Vanilla Ninja fan, I am becoming increasingly enamoured with the individual ways and mannerisms of the individual members of Girls Aloud more and more as I study their development with a glass of brandy, and the aide of Youtube. I see them less now as a group, especially in light of Vanilla Ninja's statuesque blonde army indentikit look, and more as 5 functioning individual members. There's Tweedy, with her mean right hook and desperation to marry class with a reet guid Geordie accent (incidentally, how apt is it that my friend Claire's impersonation of Geordies focuses on their obsession with coal, and Tweedy married Ashley Cole?) and thrashing right hook, there's Nads, and the brilliant way she says "Gerls Allowd", there's Sarah, and her knifes edge balancing act between blonde sensation and slightly skanky girl of ill repute who made it out of Volts nightclub and away from her old nickname "Strike" (don't ask), and there's Kimba...who...um...so how about that Tweedy huh!
As this individuality grows into something more dynamic, ie. solo careers, some people would have you believe that the rude ginger bitch, Nicola Roberts, is somehow the 5th and lowest member of Girls Aloud instead of one of the worlds 5 best pop stars (Lily Allen? PAH!) to which we can only say two things - if you think this, you are clearly a brain dead moron, and secondly, even if you DO think this, think of how well the 5th best member of Take That did with his solo career! That's right! Howard Donald...um...no wait, that's wrong...where was I...ah yes, Nic Rob. Now, during the Girls interview with Frank Skinner (the Ugly Dave Grey of UK comedy) the sole moment Nic Rob was mentioned was in a Tweedy anecdote about how Nic Rob fished Tweedys phone out of the toilet - that Nic Robs only mention was in a Tweedy anecdote is part of my problem when it comes to solo careers - how to position the truth, that Nic Rob IS the girls leader (given my three favourite Girls Aloud moments, "Frankly I don't even care", the pants that say "I am a Rude Ginger Bitch - BOTHERD!", and her brilliant "BONES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" insane ranting in the Popjustice magazine interview are all hers, and the fact that she's the only ginger person on earth my friend Claire doesn't find evil right now, I say this with authority) is through a brilliant, dynamic cover version single, which showcases all that us Nic Rob fans can see, brilliance, dynamism, beauty, intelligence and above all, mardy indifference.
So what to release? So many choices, so many brilliant songs across the globe for Nic to sink her teeth into....honestly, I could sit here for hours and just come up with ideas, and strategies, but let's start out with the dream, in fact, let's start out with the one I've already started drawing sketches and single covers for - in confession, it wasn't my idea, it was actually the idea of one Edward O, but truthfully, I've taken the idea and gone a bit nuts with it, even coming up with an original album for Nicola entitled "botherd" (lower case b deliberate) with songs about Liverpool, broken hearts, fiesty revenge on old lovers, and a cover of Melly Ts "Blink" which we imagine to somehow be regarded as the worlds greatest ever song.
If you thought Betty Boo was some kind of one hit, drop the microphone and fail kind of pop star, you haven't really hung around me have you? No, nothing tops the sheer magnetic brilliance of Grrr! It's Betty Boo (I went through a phase of having my answering machine say Grrr! It's Alyson Guard) and it's pivotal, narcoleptic, woozy lullaby slash pained stab to the broken hearted "Hangover". Where as Hepburn shouted their pain with London references to the Kings Road (so THAT'S where Lily Allen got it from!), Betty gently pulls the covers over her head, trying to be brave and the ice queen we know she is for the public, but as she gently hums "won't get over it in a day", only stone hearts remain unbroken (a mix only Kylie Minogues "It's just..........Sex" in Finer Feelings and Venke Knutsons final sighed "Love explains it....all" can pull off).
So I hear you say, why this song? Well, in my sketches, she's in a coffee shop, with her mates, explaining why her boyfriend (played by Hamish Blake, because it's my damn video and he's pwetty!) is no longer with her. The video is entirely in black and white, except for Nics couch which she's sitting on, which is bright red. Hamish smilingly tells her all the things she wants to hear in flashback shots, while her friends console her. In key moments, Hamish is frozen, while Nic walks around him, rolling her eyes and shaking her head wistfully, singing the song. Even though she's bravely smiling, throughout the video, she progressively goes from brave to angry, to sad, as Hamish packs his stuff and moves out. In the part that says "Didn't have the decency to even confess", we see Nic walk past a local shopkeeper, who in a thought bubble, realises that he saw Hamish going out with a generic blonde (played by, I don't know, one of the Appletons?) but the final shot is of her smiling gently as she looks out the window as a hearse drives past - does it mean she killed him, or her, or is it a metaphor for the fact she's over it and he's dead to her? Perhaps we'll never know, as the song fades on her walking out of the coffee shop arm in arm with her mates. It's perfect for Nics gentle, soothing vocals, and ice maiden, slightly vulnerable sense of cool.
B sides? A short, sharp cover of Kenickie's Rebel Assault (1:27, with Tweedy on the tin whistle), film clip on old skool CD rom component, and a cover of Jo Breezers sighed "You'll Get There Some Day", artwork of Nic outside a nightclub watching the world go by - sorted, #1 around the world, bashing Lily Allen over the head with an iron bar...
Thursday, August 17, 2006 Still Dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty
So I've finally sat down and listened to the whole Christina "Christinka" Aguilera album. I hadn't listened to the whole thing because I was a bit frightened of how much time I'd have to commit to it, what with it being a 2 CD album with like 22 tracks all up. Last night, I underwent a small experiment. I copied all the songs to the PC and then tried to fit them onto some blanks, to see how many of the tracks I could get on the first CD. Surprisingly, all 22 tracks fit on the one blank CD. So she's ripping everyone off. Thank god my copy was a free promo then, eh?.
It's actually really quite good, but I am devoting another 80 minutes to it this morning at work just to form a set-in-stone opinion on it. Nothing on here is as instant as "Aint No Other Man" (even though, admittedly, Aint No Other Man had to grow on me), but the amazingly titled "Still Dirrty" is just ace, and "Hurt" is "Beautiful" times a million - which therefore makes it ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
Then there is the new Kelis album, "Kelis Was Here", which I began listening to last night, but because I'm very much still in Paris Hilton mode after getting a copy of her album early last week, it was hard to finish it and only because I wanted to hear "Stars Are Blind" another 600 times. Kelis, as with X-Tina, will be listened to in great detail here at work today.
NOW. On Wednesday night someone hacked into the websites beloved forum. It seems everything is gone, posts, threads, etc etc. So there is now a lovely new forum which I managed to finish 'throwing together' at 4 in the morning. It's quite lovely to look at, not as retina burning as the other one. It is yellow, black and grey. Of course, this site is red, black and grey. DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? You can view the amazing new forum here. Please do sign up. And please do actually post. =(
Also; this week I updated the chart, which represents (loosely) what I've been liking music wise for the month of August. You can visit that here.
Nicola Monday Friday coming tomorrow, with special guest presenter Alyson, from the lovely CFBGoesPop!
PS: This Friday night on my radio show Professional Distortion, I'll be hosting a Madge birthday special. What will be happening is everytime I play a Madonna song, if you buzz the stations delightful phone-room staff on (03) 5222 5947, and are the first caller through, you'll win yourself a copy of Madonna's "Confessions On A Dancefloor" album on limited edition pink vinyl. I've got 7 copies of it to give away, all with very special thanks to Warner Music Australia, so make sure you tune in from Midnight this Friday evening!
PPS: The reason I'm not hosting a proper Madonna Special is because I have one scheduled for a date which is yet to be classified. I couldn't get my fellow Madonna Expert, a lovely girl by the name of Natalie, down for this weekends show because her beloved kitty-cat passed today and she's not exactly in the highest of spirits. Her input shall be paramount in making the Madonna special one of the best Madge specials TO EVER GRACE THE AIRWAVES, so, you know, you'll just have to wait a bit.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006 Even Denis Leary sang about me once
I am such an asshole.
Whilst having an absolute fit of hysteria with html coding on the website links page, I noticed that I indeed have been a cunt of the highest order and not included a couple of grand sites.
First of all, there is the genius Clem Bastow and her tremendous blog, Lightning Struck Itself. Currently, Clem is trying to decide as to whether she wishes to pursue a career in Air Traffic Control and becoming a sex therapist, amongst other things. She also just happens to be one of the best street press journo's in this country, which obviously means her blog is like a top shelf spirit - ie: VERY GOOD INDEED. Then, the absolutely wondrous Popalastic.com - based in Australia and full of well written Oz-related pop music intel. It is very good, I have loved it for months, but thanks to the last remains of my frazzled brain only working on the odd occasion, I somehow forgot to add the link to the site when I tizzed it up.
And finally, here is the amazing and downright SPECTACULAR XO's Middle Eight, which is probably one of the most interesting websites you will ever head on over to. Xolondon, who runs this fabulous blog, is also a big fan of coloured text, which I completely approve of. I must say though, I'm not as much of a prick for not placing this site up on the links page as I am with Popalastic - I only discovered XO's marvelous place on the web last week. I believe the relaunch may have happened prior to that week. So there is an excuse for that, but, again, not one of decent explanation for failing to add the 'lastic.
Thank heavens then that I have now updated the links page. All three of these magnificent sites are now 'live' in said section.
NOW. The pretty picture of Axle Whitehead is there for a reason. After inspecting this weekends Video Hits on Channel 10, it was nice to see that Axle's role as a music television host has somewhat improved. Greatly. Which of course makes it much easier to find him attractive, does it not? Yes, he started off as a bit of a wanker, but my god, somewhere between a few weeks ago and Sunday morning, he actually turned into a proper host. One that looks like he now knows what he's doing! When did this happen? Overnight? I can't think of any other explanation. THIS NEW FOUND AXLE LOVE HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REALLY NICE DREAM I HAD WITH HIM IN IT THE OTHER NIGHT. NOTING AT ALL.
Before any of you get ready to fire up the comments with "Adem IAR, you have actually lost the fucking plot, haven't you?", WAIT TILL YOU HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY NEXT.
Kyle Sandilands, judge on Australian Idol. His comments so far this season on the show have - I'd hate to say it - not only been funny, but on the mark pretty much every time. I'm fairly certain he has the same idea going through his head as we all do: "Please, no more ugly Idols."
In the space of two nights, Kyle has managed to spit forth some of the greatest insults seen in the shows history. Let's take a look at a couple of the highlights:
"You look like a snake that's just eaten a goat."
"You really need to shave those pubes off your head."
"Just bear in mind that this is not Catholic Idol."
If he ever says "you're a bit shit, aren't you?", then I will probably hail him a national hero.
It makes you wonder why he's still with Tamara Jabber though, doesn't it? Maybe she has a lovely personality. Or maybe he finally put that mouth of hers to some good use.
Over the past twelve months I am sure you've all heard of high profile pop music shows in the UK going down the gurgler. It's been a time of sadness for those who love their pop music based television, a time of sadness which has now hit us all in Australia.
The people down at ABC TV's weekend music show RAGE have performed the unthinkable. They've gone and scrapped the traditional Saturday & Sunday morning format of The ARIA Top 50 Singles Chart to launch a new program entitled "jtv". Are any of you aware as to what jtv is? It's an "exciting" new show that successfully reduces Rage's once quite broad morning viewers to a much small number: struggling university students that listen to such nonsense as The Zutons, Thom Yorke and Youth Group.
The show is a Television spin-off, turning "youth" radio station Triple J into a Saturday & Sunday morning viewable extravaganza. Whilst I am not opposed to any of this happening (people who listen to shit music deserve to have a show of their own too, I am not denying them of this), it is the principal of the ABC and Rage totally deleting the Australian Top 50 chart from their schedule, to make way for a show that fobs itself off as something for the youth. Not everyone between the ages of 13 and 25 don only the blackest of clothes, so why are we being force fed a television program telling us they do?
For as long as I can remember, waking up at around 5 or 6am on a Saturday morning to watch Rage play Australia's top 50 singles was a weekend tradition. I remember being a young little tyke, going to bed ultra early on a Friday evening to wake up and video tape music clips by artists such as Felix, AB Logic, Belinda Carlisle, En Vogue and Shai. I recall being slightly older, waking up to dance around the living room to musical delights by Steps, Tina Cousins, Sash!, and the Spice Girls. I remember being much older, earlier this year in fact, waking up at 7:00am to view Girls Aloud's "Biology" video clip displayed as that weeks Number #26 single. I wanted to actually SEE the girls on an Australian Music Chart TV Show, and thanks to Rage, I actually could. I have a plethora of memories that involve Saturday Mornings and Rage. They are now simply that, memories, and nothing more.
The amount of emails I've received in relation to this topic has been astounding. No less that 23 of you felt that Rage scrapping the Top 50 in place of Indie Music Television was not on. They could have still left the Top 50 on a Saturday morning, surely? There is plenty of room to do so, is there not? It is so frustrating that they could not try and work something out in order to have pop and indie live together harmoniously, hand in hand on Saturday mornings.
Sadly it seems the broke Uni student with CDs by H.I.M. wins out over the guy next door who worships Christina Aguilera.
So what I'm asking all of you pop music lovers across this fine country is, rather than emailing me, why don't you contact Rage and tell them that they are behaving like fucking idiots. Over on their official website, "If you want to comment on the Top 50 issue, you can visit www.abc.net.au/contact" is placed just below the jtv press release. Obviously, they've gotten a few complaints already.
A few more is not going to hurt.
PLEASE NOTE:Nicola Mondays is returning... on Fridays. I've decided to move the weekly special event to Friday Mornings instead of a Monday. This week, Alyson from CFBGoesPop will be telling you all why Betty Boo's amazing "Hangover" should be the next song to be covered by our 'fantasy' solo artist Nicola Roberts.
Thursday, August 10, 2006 Alright, Still? Not really, no.
What a fucking disaster last night's Lily Allen gig at St Jerome's was.
It was a disaster because it ended with me not even getting to see her. Myself and a good friend lined up at 5:30pm. Not surprisingly, there was a line already beginning to rear its ugly head through Caledonian Lane. I'm well aware that St Jermoe's is the size of a fucking toilet but I still figured that we'd be right, after all, queuing up at 5:30pm - for something that opened at 9pm - surely we would be fine, right?
NO.
Let me explain just how shithouse the evening was. Lining up in weather which has prompted a severe case of hypofuckingthermia whilst needing to urinate so badly you actually feel like your entire body is about to explode... it's not exactly my idea of a very fun experience. Neither is hearing your stomach churn, begging for some food, all whilst standing in an alley way that smells like the last ever turd to come from the anus of Marlon Brando prior to his death.
This went on until about 8:30, when we were finally alerted that there were only 100 tickets for sale, and we were at least the 200th people in line.
What a fucking joke.
On the bright side of things, I did end up having a lovely time at a Chinese Restaurant with my darling friend Sarah. I had Satay Beef with Rice and she had Sweet & Sour Pork. We also shared a Banana Fritter, and drank Coca-Cola and Lemonade respectively. The staff at the food-ery were a bit shithouse though, they kept watching us eat, hanging around the table and what not. I'll be writing them a strongly worded letter about this some time next week.
Hilariously, after we had finished the meal, a piece of rice fell out of Sarah's breast.
But back to being angry. If there had been more details made available about the gig, I mean, if I had known there were only going to be 100 tickets, I either would have gotten there earlier, or not gone at all. Instead, I drove up all the way from Geelong, taking TIME OFF WORK, to spend an evening of absolute misery in a stinky inner city alleyway. With two absolute fuckwits standing behind us, chattering about absolute dogs-wallop, mind you.
I have no idea why I was so surprised. Lily is absolutely everywhere at the moment. Not only was the gig mentioned several times in the Herald Sun over the past week, but it also had a couple of mentions on evil "youth" radio station Triple J (I'll explain to you all why those sons of bitches at the ABC are evil in tomorrows post, which has something to do with Rage scrapping the Aria Top 50 on Saturday Mornings because of JTV - which is just shitty alternative television for 'dark' uni students, emo kids and people who listen to tripe like Placebo.) - even I mentioned it on this website, and the amount of google searches directed to this site yesterday for "Lily Allen St Jerome's" was absolutely astounding. A good 200 people visited the site yesterday afternoon trying to obtain details.
The thing that upsets me a great deal though is that most of the people who were lucky enough to go inside last night, they would have probably only heard of Lily about a week ago. Do you think any of them know she has a brilliant song titled "Cheryl Tweedy"? OF COURSE NOT. MOST OF THESE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO CHERYL TWEEDY IS!!!! Blasphemy, I know.
Dannii Minogue would not have put up with any of this type of shit, would she? Even she refuses to play in public toilets. Whatever the fee!
Oh well. Time to take "Alright, Still" out of the CD player and put "The Hits & Beyond" back in.
I'm sure we've all had time to have a wank over adjust ourselves accordingly after viewing the downright amazing pictures of McFly getting their gear off.
For those of you who were not aware this even happened, it occurred a few weeks back at G-A-Y (pictures here, here, here & here).
Yes, they're all very "fit" "lads". This is something you are all no doubt very much aware of by now. It is indeed 'time to move on'*. Which quite obviously means that it is now 'time to discuss the music again'.
We all know that a splendid new album from the boys is literally around the corner. We also know that this new album is probably going to be one of the better Long Players released in the year 2006. But what we don't know is the title. Now, if you all remember, McFly's last album cover came complete with homosexual rabbits, and an even more homosexual title, "Wonderland".
Over on the forums found within the best website ever, DougiePoynter.net, a couple of fans have made claim the new album will simply be called "McFly".
Self titled? Self fucking titled?!! Unacceptable.
Boys, put a bit more thought into it and get back to me.
Maybe they could call it Mangina and use this as the cover...?
Dannii's "So Under Pressure" has debuted at Number #16 this week on the ARIA Singles Charts. This is not good enough. Today, you are all to go out and purchase at least 2 copies of CD1, and 2 copies of CD2, understood?
Very good. And whilst you're there, pick up a copy of her fabulous new album, "The Hits & Beyond". Make sure it's the Limited Edition one though, because that's the one that comes with a DVD containing a breathtaking collection of some of D's greatest video clips.
NOW. On Saturday afternoon myself and a couple of my closest friends (who are also obsessive Dannii fans), drove up to the Virgin Megastore on Chapel Street in Melbourne to meet Ms. Minogue at her CD signing. It was slated to begin at 2pm.
IT DID NOT BEGIN UNTIL QUITE A LENGTHY TIME AFTER 3PM.
Apparently poor Dannii was stuck in Saturday afternoon Chapel Street traffic. Which is fair enough really. Anyone who has driven down Chapel Street between the hours of 9pm Friday Evening through till 1am Sunday Morning will understand that it is one of the most difficult places in Melbourne to travel down. Knowing all this, however, did not stop me from whinging about a sore back the ENTIRE WAIT though, did it?
In a brilliant turn of events, I managed to run into the delightful Patrick from Pop Goes Canberra and the hilarious Will from Fop. It was also with great thanks to them that I managed to cut into the line. Lovely.
During our lengthy wait, Patrick sang "Perfection" and "Love Fight" at an alarmingly brilliant volume, whilst Will took it upon himself to help the Virgin Megastore out in its plight of destruction against itself. Several items, which should have been bolted down properly to avoid any horrific accents, were not. This managed to ignite a spark in Will who decided to bang, knock and generally fool around with any of the items which looked as if they were about to fall apart. At one point one of the items, a large metal thing which read "EASY LISTENING", was going to be ripped from its already failing bolts in the CD rack, and be presented to Dannii in order to be signed. Sadly, the bolts were managing to hold on by a tiny thread, and they stayed in.
Next time I shall have to take a screwdriver for Will to finish the job.
People sang for prizes (some smart arse sang "Better The Devil You Know"), Will hid EVERY SINGLE Gretchen Wilson CD he managed to find in the racks along the way - never to be found again, and I may have gone on about Sandi Thom being an "ugly cunt" for a bit too longer than I should have. I also yelled out "Coconut!!" when the dickhead on the microphone asked if we had any requests for Dannii to sing. She did not comply. =(
Whilst in line we were all discussing what it was we should say/ask Dannii when our time to meet her came.
Some of the suggestions were:
(Take up the "Ultimate Kylie" CD) "How are you feeling now? All better?"
"So Dannii... what was it like to work on the movie 'Secrets'?"
"Would you like to explain just exactly why you seem to have forgotten about your brilliant cover of 'Coconut'?"
(Take up the "Nip/Tuck" Season 1 DVD) "When's the anniversary?!"
There were plenty more but I've forgotten them.
We all eventually found ourselves closer in the line to Dannii, and once my turn came along, I asked her of any possible Melbourne shows some time down the track this year. "Not this year" she said, "But if things change I'll definitely be putting all the details up on the website".
She also told Will, when he asked about the next single, that "Love Fight" had been suggested by quite a few fans, and that she would be speaking to her record company this week to decide what single would be next. So, we all got our singles, albums, posters and VHS releases signed, and she even took the time to stand up and get her photo taken with anyone wishing to do so.
WHAT AN AMAZING WOMAN.
Overall, it may have been a long wait, but it certainly was not without any brilliance and chaos along the way. I would like to thank my friends Ben & Michelle for coming along for the afternoon, and an even bigger thank you to Will and Patrick, who managed to entertain me for a good three hours and were probably the sole reason I did not throw a major hissy fit and leave. BUY! >> "The Hits & Beyond" with bonus DVD BUY! >> CD 1 "So Under Pressure" Single BUY! >> CD 2 "So Under Pressure" Single
Dannii Minogue's amazing new single "So Under Pressure" is out right now.
In fact, this brilliant single was released this very week.
I'll be honest with you all. This song is more than just brilliant, it is easily a contender for pop release of the year, and in the video clip, Dannii straddles a snake. But this is all stuff you are more than likely aware of by now.
I'm assuming all you Aussie fans tuned into Rove Live on Tuesday Night to see our dear Dannii discuss the single, the hits collection and just generally look quite pretty (maybe a tiny bit hungry though, poor love). If you are still reeling with absolute joy from Tuesday Night (and you are from Melbourne), why not lift such joy to even higher heights, and pop down to the Virgin Megastore on Chapel St in South Yarra at 2pm to MEET DANNII MINOGUE AND HAVE HER SIGN THINGS FOR YOU.
She'll be signing copies of her ace single and the brilliant "Hits & Beyond" Greatest Hits CD, which is released this coming Saturday - AND - has six new songs on it, along with most* of Dannii's best, including "All I Wanna Do" and "$ucce$". So why not make a day of it? Head on over to Virgin, buy the new Dannii album the day it comes out, AND get her to sign it for you while you're there!
GENIUS REALLY ISN'T IT?
I shall see you all there, and for those who I shall not see there, I ask "Why Not?!" and then follow it up with "Have a great weekend!"
Dannii-Watch Week #3, Nicola Monday and a stack more to come after the weekend has passed...
x Adem IAR.
* I am still absolutely livid the Australian Hits Collection is WITHOUT 'Coconut'.
This afternoon whilst I was on a much deserved two hour lunch break, my 13 year old brother called me to ask whether I had heard of Lily Allen, and if I had any of her stuff, if he could have a copy of it.
I wanted to feel quite proud of the moment. But I then noticed that this was not the same pride I felt when my brother, a good year or so ago, came up to me one day and requested I burn him a Girls AloudCD, because "You always listen to them and I want to listen to them too. They're fucking wicked as and that red-haired one's really hot." Needless to say, I have an awesomely cool younger brother with, on occasion, fine tastes in music. But back to the story, it was not the same pride because, as much as I love Lily, she is someone he had heard about at school, and not through me. Which means that Lily Allen is no longer someone only a handful of folk know about.
It really is no surprise that Lily Allen fever has well and truly hit Australia. Triple J are doing everything but licking out her vagina on air, TV seems to love the single "Smile" (it's already being used for a JUST JEANS advert campaign, the same company who used the ace Princess Superstar track "I'm So Out Of Control" last year in a similar set of ads) - things are looking good for Sunday's album chart placing.
This is when the selfish prick in me rears its ugly, ugly head. You all remember how upset I was when Girls Aloud's "Biology" failed to set the charts alight here in Australia when it was released earlier this year? Well, I'd hate to even imagine my thoughts had they done really well. I seem to suffer from the terribly schizophrenic habit of wanting really great pop from Overseas to do well here in Australia, and when it doesn't, I get upset, angry and blame the country for being deaf. But on the odd occasion, much like in Lily Allen's case here, when they end up doing quite well, within about a week I am filled with anger. Being able to introduce someone to new music is an exhilarating experience, and every single one of my friends who I played Lily to, loved her. It was nice to feel like we were the only people in Geelong who not only loved her, but knew who she was. And now, 13 year old girls at my brothers high school know who she is.
I completely understand that "pop" is short for "popular", and, you know, it's supposed to do well, but, regardless of which artist it is, I always tend to do this. I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to things like that.
I have no idea why I wished to share any of that with you but there you go.
Lily is playing a gig in Melbourne next Wednesday night at the ultra trendy ST JEROME'S. Doors open at 9pm, with tickets ONLY on sale at the door on the night. You'd probably want to get there fairly early though, there will definitely be a massive line and if you leave it too late, you most likely will not get in as the club is rather bloody small.
Surprisingly, Beyonce's rather average new single has a rather nauseating video clip. In quite possibly the most hilarious turn of events against a pop star in years, a good 5620 fans of Beyonce Knowles have decided that the current video clip for her new single "Deja Vu" is just not good enough. So much so, they've all signed a petition REQUESTING BEYONCE RE-SHOOT THE VIDEO CLIP TO MEET THEIR REQUIREMENTS.
OH. MY. GOD.
Isn't it about time SOMEONE'S fans fucking did this? How many Saturday Mornings watching Music Television have flown by over my life? You can just imagine then, how many of those mornings I have spent screaming at the TV, wanting to hurl objects of a sharp nature at so many popstars I love to death purely because of their shithouse videos.
And now, thanks to a group of disgruntled Beyonce fans, you too can take a stand. This petition is very much worth signing, because the aforementioned video clip really IS as terrible as the fans claim.
Let's take a look at it for those of you who've not seen it yet.
Hmmm. Would anyone like a pain-killer?
So whilst Beyonce frolics about corn fields (!!!???) and dry roots Jay-Z (for goodness sakes Beyonce, HE IS OFFENSIVE ENOUGH TO LOOK AT WITHOUT HAVING TO STARE AT YOU PRACTICALLY BEGGING - WITH YOUR EYES - FOR HIM TO PUT HIS COCK IN YOU. YOU GROTTY WOMAN.), her fans have decided that this is not right at all.
The petition claims that the video needs a re-shoot because:
A) There is no clear story or theme to the video. B) The dancing is erratic, confusing and alarming at times. C) The sexual themes and shots between Ms. Knowles and Mr. Sean Carter PKA Jay-Z, are alarming and show unacceptable interactions between the two. D) The fashion in this video, while haute-couture, is unbelievable and ridiculous. E) The editing, while professionally done, causes one to get dizzy and disoriented. F) The overall feel of the video leaves a sense of much to be desired. G) The video is very disappointing and is not a clear representation of any of the songs themes.
Genius.
View - and then sign - the full petition here. Big thanks to the brilliant Scott from Scott 2 Be Certain for pointing this absolute gem my way...
Is there a petition to have the entire song pulled off the release schedule?
Tuesday, August 01, 2006 Big Brother 06: "Like recovering from surgery"
I'm not going to say much about this years Australian Big Brother Finale. I'm still very confused as to who this "Tilli" person they kept going about last night is, but alas, nothing too exciting to convince me to spend actual minutes of my time doing some kind of "Finale-wrap-up" like I did last year.
I mean really, what can be said about the most boring Big Brother House we've seen?
Let's not say anything, and simply take a look at one of the genius trains of conversation between 2005 housemate Vesna and Big Brother. If there had been a moment even the slightest bit as funny as this was, maybe things would have been a lot easier to watch this year.
Vesna: Big Brother. Big Brother: Vesna. V: Umm. I just wanted to know why didn't you help me when they were throwing me in the pool? BB: Can you not swim? V: I can. But... they exposed my whole snatch to the whole Australia... and I wasn't waxed! Properly! BB: ... so you were concerned about the exposure? V: Of my snatch. BB: To use your terms... was your.... 'snatch'... in any danger? V: No. My snatch was not in danger. But my snatch was in danger of being exposed. As I did not choose to expose my snatch I had no choice in the matter. BB: Do you feel sexually harassed? V: No. I don't feel sexually harassed. I do feel harassed. And I would like to know if you could give me a bottle of laxatives so I can put it in their food.
