Thursday, August 10, 2006
Alright, Still? Not really, no.
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 What a fucking disaster last night's Lily Allen gig at St Jerome's was.
It was a disaster because it ended with me not even getting to see her. Myself and a good friend lined up at 5:30pm. Not surprisingly, there was a line already beginning to rear its ugly head through Caledonian Lane. I'm well aware that St Jermoe's is the size of a fucking toilet but I still figured that we'd be right, after all, queuing up at 5:30pm - for something that opened at 9pm - surely we would be fine, right?
NO.
Let me explain just how shithouse the evening was. Lining up in weather which has prompted a severe case of hypofuckingthermia whilst needing to urinate so badly you actually feel like your entire body is about to explode... it's not exactly my idea of a very fun experience. Neither is hearing your stomach churn, begging for some food, all whilst standing in an alley way that smells like the last ever turd to come from the anus of Marlon Brando prior to his death.
This went on until about 8:30, when we were finally alerted that there were only 100 tickets for sale, and we were at least the 200th people in line.
What a fucking joke.
On the bright side of things, I did end up having a lovely time at a Chinese Restaurant with my darling friend Sarah. I had Satay Beef with Rice and she had Sweet & Sour Pork. We also shared a Banana Fritter, and drank Coca-Cola and Lemonade respectively. The staff at the food-ery were a bit shithouse though, they kept watching us eat, hanging around the table and what not. I'll be writing them a strongly worded letter about this some time next week.
Hilariously, after we had finished the meal, a piece of rice fell out of Sarah's breast.
But back to being angry. If there had been more details made available about the gig, I mean, if I had known there were only going to be 100 tickets, I either would have gotten there earlier, or not gone at all. Instead, I drove up all the way from Geelong, taking TIME OFF WORK, to spend an evening of absolute misery in a stinky inner city alleyway. With two absolute fuckwits standing behind us, chattering about absolute dogs-wallop, mind you.
I have no idea why I was so surprised. Lily is absolutely everywhere at the moment. Not only was the gig mentioned several times in the Herald Sun over the past week, but it also had a couple of mentions on evil "youth" radio station Triple J (I'll explain to you all why those sons of bitches at the ABC are evil in tomorrows post, which has something to do with Rage scrapping the Aria Top 50 on Saturday Mornings because of JTV - which is just shitty alternative television for 'dark' uni students, emo kids and people who listen to tripe like Placebo.) - even I mentioned it on this website, and the amount of google searches directed to this site yesterday for "Lily Allen St Jerome's" was absolutely astounding. A good 200 people visited the site yesterday afternoon trying to obtain details.
The thing that upsets me a great deal though is that most of the people who were lucky enough to go inside last night, they would have probably only heard of Lily about a week ago. Do you think any of them know she has a brilliant song titled "Cheryl Tweedy"? OF COURSE NOT. MOST OF THESE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO CHERYL TWEEDY IS!!!! Blasphemy, I know.
Dannii Minogue would not have put up with any of this type of shit, would she? Even she refuses to play in public toilets. Whatever the fee!
Oh well. Time to take "Alright, Still" out of the CD player and put "The Hits & Beyond" back in.
3 Comments:
- 7:10 PM | Woodsman said...
What fucksticks!
Why wait until 8:30pm to notify the hundreds in the queue that they are freezing their bollocks off for nothing?
Im sorry but that is purely poor form and if you want to keep something intimate do not plaster it all over JJJ and the Herald-Sun.
Please tell me there wasn't anyone in the queue wearing a McShit or similar tshirt referencing the Goonies - then u know it is time to leave.
I propose we burn something.
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- 7:51 PM | im-always-right.com said...
Oh there were PLENTY of rip-off-slogan-corporate t-shirts in the line last night, it was actually revolting to watch. Not only did the alley way fucking stink but the view did too.
My retinas are still on fire.
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- 7:57 PM | xolondon said...
very nice blog!! sorry about your bad night. onto the next show!
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