Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Candle In The Wind
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 As the final episode of this years most intriguing television program, Australian Princess, started to screen, there was somewhat of a dense confusion parading itself through the room. We were heartbroken that our Wednesday nights would have that certain spark missing after the hour was through, but were ecstatic to no end that we wouldn't have to look at Jackie O again for a very long time.
Yes, it really was an evening of mixed emotions, not only for us - but obviously the girls as well. Mare Winningham Wendy, Ally and CrAbby - our final 3, opened the episode by attending a final breakfast with a disturbingly relaxed Paul Burrel, and Jean, looking like the divine leathery turtle that she is. Paul then gave the girls some, quite obviously, heavily thought out gifts (silver fucking spoons), and Jean trolloped on about something unimportant.
All fairly uneventful until the "beaus" came to pick up their "Ladies". Alex - the rather hot blonde one, took Ally - everyone's favourite Kelly Slater fanatic, for a walk through "Goat shit", as she so eloquently put it. God awful Harry took the god awful Crabby for a garden walk. We cannot deny the excitement was of the highest order when Harry mentioned he had a gift for our dear Crabby - it really DID feel like it was going to end in the same way Kylie & Nick Cave's "Where the wild roses grow" video clip.
But no, It actually managed to end better. Harry gave Crabby a pen. A PEN. She didn't seem too impressed either. Probably because it was A PEN.
A FUCKING PEN!
Someone give this man his own sitcom!!
While Crabs had to settle with her shitty writing device, the delightful Ally got diamond jewels, and St Elmo's Fire star Mare Whinningham Wendy managed to score some vintage red wine and a few books on the subject from Phillip. She loved it - and we did too, purely because we all know it was probably worth a lot more than the crustaceans pen.
That's right, A PEN.
Each girl, whilst still with their beau, received a phone call of best wishes from the horrendously grotesque Prince Marek. This prompted Ally, when explaining the conversation to Alex, to stumble so badly with her words, it was quite possibly better than Wendy's "Jean's an old thing" comment from a few weeks back:
"A prince rang me on MY phone!! And I sounded like a coc - a dic - an idiot!! (laughs)"
What an absolute champion. She then cemented her position in our legendary books after commenting on Phillip's ballroom dancing, saying "he was dancing like he had something stuck up his arse", followed by calling James Whitaker a "pervert".
Things only got better as the hour progressed, with each girl - in front of the other two - asked to discuss the weak points of their fellow competitors, and then announcing which of the slags they think deserves the title the least. Of course, Crabby started crying (and no, It wasn't cute like when Laura K did it), we're not sure why this time - but what we ARE quite certain about is that this bitch cries too much. Probably because the last gift she received from someone was a pen.
A FUCKING PEN!
After all that, our apprentice Princesses dressed up in their god-awful home-designed gowns (Seriously... what the FUCK where they thinking?), in preparation for the final ball, ruffled against each other as they hugged and stood in the middle of a lawn with Jackie O as she told them how proud they should be of themselves, and how they had accomplished so much.
Like what Jackie? Let us take a gander at some of these amazing accomplishments they underwent whilst on the show.
- They learnt how to clean silverware.
- They made some dish out of pig intestines.
- They learnt how to throw a royal lunch.
- They learnt how to "design" their own "gowns".
- They learnt how to use a GHD hair straightener. (Slightly important)
- They learnt how to make 'royal' tea.
- They learnt of proper cocktail party etiquette. (What?)
- They learnt how to sail a boat.
- They learnt how to handle the media.
- They learnt the basics of playing Polo.
- They learnt how to peal a banana with a knife.
Wow. These are certainly the kind of accomplishments to be proud of, aren't they Jackie?
But then again, anything would be an accomplishment for a woman who fucked her way into working on radio, married her co-host and propelled herself into fame in such a dirty way that Eva Peron's sexual claw up the status ladder looks like a passing topic on Sesame Street.
A woman who was once described to us during a dinner conversation (with a member of a rather popular girl band starting with "B" and ending with "ot" that she helped "create"), as the most "Vile, disgusting, repulsive and slug-like woman I have met in my life. She's a fucking slut." A woman who was rightfully slandered by Frenzal Rhomb, and a woman who makes her co-host, Kyle Sandliands, seem like Jesus incarnate.
Jackie O - your vision of "accomplishment" is nothing short of discombobulated, because we do not see how any of these girls will benefit from any of the listed "accomplishments" unless they already own themselves, or plan to own in the future, a GHD hair straightener. (However, as much as we love to dislike you, we still think your big red phone from Popstars 3 was one of Australian televisions greatest, most historical and pinnacle moments ever, and for that we'll forever forgive you for being a bit crap.)
After the girls were congratulated on their "accomplishments" over the last 8 episodes, Jackie announced that Crabby would be heading home, leaving Ally & Wendy as the final 2.
Thank Christ for that.
Then began more tears - more complaining. Crabby launched into this whole song and dance about how she had given up so much to be there - financially and mentally blah blah blah, and how all things happen for a reason etc etc. But at least she didn't walk away empty handed. For god sakes, she has that LOVELY NEW PEN!
A FUCKING PEN!
It all ended with Ally and Wendy laughing an incredible amount at pretty much everything they saw/heard/said. As the girls entered the ballroom, it occurred to us that something was, indeed, missing.
WHERE IN THE FUCK WAS JANE FERGUSON?
She's been absent for weeks - did she die? Is she a Missing Person? What's going on? WE DEMAND TO KNOW WHERE JANE HAS GONE.
The complete dismay and horror of all this overshadowed the fact that dear Ally was crowned Australian Princess for us, but there you go. Honestly, we're quite happy Wendy didn't win - because really, that's what everyone expected to happen. We are still quite bitter that Laura K was robbed of the title which was rightfully hers, but at least Abby got sent home with her luggage and a pen.
A FUCKING PEN!
So as the royal drama came to a close, we sat and thought: "If there was to be an Australian Princess next year (which is more than likely not going to be due to mediocre ratings), how could Channel 10 make it better than it was this year?"
We wrote these down shortly after:
- Replace Jackie O with Gretel Killeen. God only knows it has been the most horrible 3 months without her on our television screens. Maybe getting her to host will also add some much needed (cl)ass to the program. And could you just imagine the eliminations? Her gowns would be better than ANY of theirs. She truly is the nations REAL princess.
- Let US vote for who should win. This will make more money for Channel 10, and allow us to actually feel somewhat responsible for the outcome. (As if Laura K wouldn't have won if that had been the case?)
- We need a Monday night special, "Princess Uncut". This will also be hosted by Gretel.
- If Gretel says no, get Suzi Wilks. We really miss her.
We wonder if they'll take any of this on board?
 OMGWTFBBQ?! WIN!!! Thanks to our awesome friends at Shock Distribution, you could win yourself a copy of Australian Princess on DVD (no, really). Competition closes on December the 13th 2005, and to win this amazing prize, all you have to do is email us at medication@inthemix.com.au and tell us in however-many-words-you-wish, where you think Jane Ferguson has gone.
The best entry will win themselves the DVD prize. The second best entry will win themselves this:
A FUCKING PEN!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
IS THIS THE MOST AMAZING PICTURE EVER TAKEN OF DOUGIE McFLY?
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?????
NO.
THIS IS....
 On December the 13th , IAR turns 3 years old (Opened 2001 followed by closure in 2002 through 2003, reopened 2004 & through 2005).
On December the 26th, we'll be launching the new look of the site in celebration of our birthday. We're sick of navy blue parading itself amongst our scribblings. It's all about colors that look like childrens food now.
So to celebrate, with X-Mas, our Birthday and New Years Eve all coming up in the next month, we thought we would give you a little gift... one of many to come over the silly season.
Do you like bootlegs?* Do you remember the 'good old days' that consisted of Gatecrasher Black, arms-in-the-air Trance and heaps of mindblowing drugs laser shows?
You don't? Oh.
Well, never mind then, but we still think you should reach for that bottle of mystery love or have a disco biscuit, download this and get ready to dance: It's an MP3 (Click, then scroll to bottom of page and click DOWNLOAD for maximum results).
It's a combination of two classic trance tracks - Verachoca's "Carte Blanche" and Billie Ray Martin's "Your Loving Arms".
x IAR.
*Not the jeans.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Sex on a stick
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 Well, we were going to - sometime in January - give you an exclusive look at the new Tiga album "Sexor" (released February 2006 - as he so sexually told us when we spoke to him a few weeks back), but it has all been ruined for us as the bloody thing leaked over the weekend.
Well that's just fucking brilliant, isn't it?
Anyway, for the sake of our rather shithouse review, hopefully you haven't found it anywhere online as yet. We're also hoping we may be able to generate some interest in what could be one of the most brilliant albums you've never heard of 2006.
BEST ON DISC: "Far From Home" and "Brothers". Superb electro pop.
ALMOST PERFECT: "High School - Jamaican Box", "Louder than a Bomb", "Pleasure from the bass", "Good As Gold", "Burning Down the House" and "3 Weeks".
GOOD ENOUGH: "The Ballad of Sexor"
FILLER: "Welcome to planet Sexor", "Who's That" and "Down In It".
LOOK OUT FOR: The recorded phone messages hidden at the end of "Brothers". Tiga, obviously a big fan of IAR's mum, has decided to include his mother in on his work. You know what they say, imitation is the greatest form of flattery, etc etc.
OVERALL: 8 Sexual Deviants out of 10.
[PLEASE NOTE: Australian Princess Finale coming tomorrow - we've got a little surprise going along with it which is why it wasn't up over the weekend. Also - Girls Aloud "Chemistry" review, featuring our dear beloved Mum is on the way as well!]
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Another round of Gissball, then?
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 Last week we told you of the brilliant Laura Gissara Campaign set up by the beautiful ladies at CFBGoesPop.
It has taken on a lifeform of its own now, with fellow bloggers across the country (read: Australia) taking part in what will, no doubt, become the most prolific and inspired moment of musical culture in not only this fair country, but the world over.
Just reading some of the comments left by "fans" of "music" group Powderfinger over on CFB is just a prime example of how much Laura Gissara has affected the way we all live.
Let us take a close look at just which internet big-shots are now involved with the amazing huddle which is "Kiss The Giss 2006"...
- Pop Goes Canberra
- Completelybiased.com
- Ausculture.com
- Fop.
And, you'll never guess who's just given her almighty seal of approval?
Yep. Our dear Mum, who's reviews of Rachel and Madonna have made her somewhat of a cult following for readers of IAR.
Outstanding, etc.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Where is the love?
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Hello.
Just so you know, any planned updates of the site have been terminated until we get our copy of this:
 This includes our hilarious Australian Princess Finale write up as well which, just so you are all aware, is more than ready to go. In some circles, this is known as a "strike" of sorts.
Until then, why don't you visit our dear friend Edward over at Umlauts, and read all about the brilliance that is the Ukrainian Top 10. We've even had a part in the scoring process, after cordially being invited by Mr Umlauts himself, and our "side splitting" commentary is currently being displayed amongst some rather better-than-ours comments.
Outrageous, we know.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Sorry...
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 You may recall a few months ago we compiled what we thought were the 20 greatest pop songs of all time, with Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield" coming in at number #1.
We would just like to apologize to all of our readers, for it is only now, after many months, quite obvious that the number #1 spot belongs to Mariah Carey and her outrageously brilliant "All I Want For Christmas Is You".
So again, we're quite sorry about that.
And rest assured, yes we HAVE been listening to it on repeat since we discovered this a good 6 hours ago.
Thank Christ that's settled then.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Dorks!
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 James Bourne from Busted from Son Of Dork wants you to know he and his new band have just released their debut L.P, "Welcome To Loserville".
It's quite a fun little record (ask your parents folks), but would dorks really listen to this?
It's time for an IAR investigation...
Ticket Outta Loserville
Line: "Flashback to 17, got my arse kicked by the football team"
What It's NOT About: A toy train set.
About: Guy is total geek, guy gets hot girl, girl fucks him around and guy catches girl with other guy. Guy sad.
Loserfactor: Quite dorky, yes. There's more than one Star Trek mention too.
9/10
Eddie's Song
Line: "Said he screwed a different girl at the aftershow"
What It's NOT About: Eddie from Rocky Horror Picture Show.
About: Eddie. He has 27 kids that he has no idea about.
Loserfactor: Dorks don't actually have sex, so this is really not that dorky at all, is it?
7/10
Little Things
Line: "To watch you playing badminton, with all your slutty friends"
What It's NOT About: Tom Cruise.
About: Guy who's fallen for this wondrous girl (!!!) for all the little things she does. She has slutty friends, and she's a bit of a cow.
Loserfactor: Binoculars and Badminton are all mentioned. Clearly that combination is a dorks paradise, is it not?
5/10
Party's Over
Line: "Party's over, I just watched my girlfriend get laid on the sofa, Does that seem weird to you?"
What It's NOT About: The S-Club Break-up.
About: Guy throws party, his woman fucks another guy - on his sofa - after a game of poker.
Loserfactor: It's all a bit emo more than anything else - which, we guess, does equal "Massive Dork". Or at least "Major Fuckwit".
4/10
Boyband
Line: "Good Charlotte said they like McFly"
What It's NOT About: East 17
About: Someone joining a boy band, after quitting his job etc.
Loserfactor: Not very much at all, we like boybands here.
6/10
Sick
Line: "Redemption: Is that a sin? I'd never run him over..."
What It's NOT About: The Two Fat Ladies
About: Chick cheats on guy, guy ponders slitting her throat and running the other guy over with his car. It's all a bit dark, scary and stalker-ish. Best song on the album.
Loserfactor: Dork's sometimes go off on stalking sprees, yes?
10/10
Slacker
Line: "He's getting sharp pains in his wrist, in his world girlfriends don't exist"
What It's NOT About: Television show "Models Inc."
About: A computer hacker/s who is a rather shitful excuse for a human being.
Loserfactor: The highest you can get on the dork-rictor scale.
7/10
Holly... I'm The One
Line: "I know, I'm dumb, but Holly... I'm the one"
What It's NOT About: Holly Valance
About: Some bird named Holly, who, funnily enough, is not with any of our friends from Son Of Dork. Ho fucking hum.
Loserfactor: It's that whole emo thing again.
7/10
Wear Me Down
Line: "Feels like there's something missing"
What It's NOT About: A shoddy pair of jeans.
About: Breaking it off with a girl because she's a sordid cow every minute of the day.
Loserfactor: Somewhat dork-ish.
8/10
Murdered In The Mosh
Line: "Instead all I found was a letter, her correspondence with some popstar magazine"
What It's NOT About: The Monster Mash
About: Another fucking girl, this time she pretends to like Janes Addiction and Sonic Youth. Jesus Christ, talk about alienating the possibility of a gay audience!
Loserfactor: She's no loser, she likes the Backstreet Boys, duh!
1/10
----
Verdict:
Well it seems this really is music Dorks can enjoy whilst playing Worlds Of Warcraft. Obviously not as good as anything Busted released (who did not have any material as good as anything McFly have released), but is probably better than anything Fightstar have done, which therefore makes this a pretty triumphant return for James.
In three words?: It's Good enough.
Mathew Broderick's out of 10?: 7/10
Monday, November 21, 2005
Nation Confesses: "Madonna's fairly good, isn't she?"
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 The Queen of pop has repossessed her throne and crown.
It's hard to believe this woman is 47.
A woman who is still regarded as extreme hot property after 22 years at the top of her league.
But is it truly all that hard to believe she's done it again? After 22 years of memorable career high points and - apparently - low points ("American Life was/is genius" -Ed.), Madonna has topped the Australian (and UK) charts with her outstanding new album "Confessions On A Dancefloor".
Don't believe us?
 Amazing.
And yet, around the time "Hollywood" was released in 2003, the majority of the folk who have gone out to buy this new album and first single "Hung Up" (which is currently #1 on the World Singles Chart), said she was through - done - past it. This is the same woman who rose from the ashes after a traumatic marriage to Sean Penn, The whole Sex book/Erotica saga, More than a handful of shitty films, and now, the apparent terror that was said to have been the flawless American Life album.
History has a tendency to repeat itself on regular occasions. Madonna's career is no exception. The mere thought that our 'Madge' would fail in every musical project she endeavored after American Life is laughable, isn't it? It was even then, but we honestly felt like we were the only people laughing about it.
To say this is a triumphant return is a severe understatement. This is quite possibly the most monumental return Madonna has ever made in her amazing pop culture history.
To say that the queen has finally taken back her throne and crown is silly, however, for she had never passed it on to anyone else.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Gissball
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 We're not going to take up too much of your time on this rather wet Friday evening.
All we're going to do is tell you we're in FULL SUPPORT of CFBgoespop's latest Laura Gissara campaign.
Alyson from CFB has just shipped off a letter to Football Australia, in a bid to have them select "our" Giss as the performer of a World Cup anthem for our nation. It would be about 600 times better than the Anastacia one, and we don't care to think how much more "ace" it will be than Belinda Chapple's horrible Olympics Themsong about people rowing, lifting and running, from last year.
We, among a sea of others, not only believe this will be the most magnificent event to occur in the history of recorded song, but it is also The Giss' birthright.
DO. YOU. SEE?! HER BIRTHRIGHT.
Read all about it here.
While we're on the subject of CFBgoespop and Belinda Chapple:
 The toothy ladies above are faces you may once have loved seeing on your television screens every Sunday night. No - not the 'stars' of "Thorpie's Undercover Angels", but very close.
Bardot were the Australian Popstars. They were the first second in the world, and were really quite good without actually being all that great.
It is imperative, paramount, etc, that you read CFBgoespop's Almighty 4 part investigation on the girls, which is the must read of 2005.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Away now young children, and have a splendid weekend.
x IAR.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
What can you get for $(1)10 Dollar?...
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 Holy Shit.
Just when we thought next years Big Day Out festival was going to be utter tripe, we got sent the full list of artists performing on the day, and oh lord - we were mighty wrong. For this is going to be massive.
Not only are we being treated to the genius likes of Franz Ferdinand, Vitalic, 2 Many DJs/Soulwax, Gerling, The White Stripes and Sonicanimation, but one of the most downright spectacular performers of 2005 will be there.
Who?
M.I.A.
Jesus wept, this is going to be fucking amazing.
Get more details on ticket prices and Australian/NZ Tour dates from the BDO2006 Official Website: www.bigdayout.com
 So the new Girls Aloud single "Biology", the 2nd best song made this year, is released in the U.K. this week, but you of course all knew that seeing as you've either purchased it already or, like us, have ordered it online because you live outside of said country.
But this is not what we're here to discuss.
You see, on our desk sits a copy of the Aloud's next single, "See The Day", a 'syrupy' cover of a ballad previously sung by Dee C. Lee. It will be the gals X-Mas single and, no doubt, there are high hopes this will be the seasonal number #1.
We all know full and well that The Backstreet Boys' "Climbing The Walls" is - by far - the ballad of the year. So imagine our surprise when we chucked on "See The Day", listened to it on repeat for 6 hours straight and decided that it was indeed....
 You can all take a sigh of relief, for this is not "I'll Stand By You" Part II. We can't wait for the remixes...
So in short, this makes "See The Day" the ballad of the year, unless the Backstreet Boys decide to release "Climbing The Walls" as a proper single before the New Year in which, we'll probably award them back the title.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
='(
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Laura K has been booted of Australian Princess.
11:30pm UPDATE: We know who wins.
='(
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Not Such An Innocent Girl
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 The winner of last weeks WOLF CREEK competition is Martin Duvcovic from Sydney, Australia. We asked you, the viewers, to send us your funniest/scarriest garden adventures, and in turn, the best would receive a double Village Cinema pass to see "Wolf Creek". Martin's was by far the simplest, but easily the funniest:
"My grandmother is a peaceful woman, and about 6 years ago the poor lass had a run in with the law. You see, my Nan had a massive garden. It was enormous, bigger than the house.
One day, during a family lunch, the police arrived and arrested my grandmother. Turns out she had this massive Marijuana plant in the corner of her garden.
My Nan, who's English is, at best, heavily broken, sat there yelling, mainly in Slovenian, declaring her innocence, saying that someone in the street had set her up. She went on about catching people sneaking through her backyard at night, but the police were ready to dismiss these claims as those of a crazy old woman. After some initial police investigation, the police had discovered my nan's neighbours had actually planted the bloody thing in her backyard, and were waiting for it to fully 'bloom' under her unknown care before they yanked it out."
Amazing. Congratulations Martin. We hope you and your nana enjoy "Wolf Creek".
Monday, November 14, 2005
She's like a dog to get you...
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 Many said it was not going to happen...
People cruelly slammed her as "Oldfrapp"...
Instead of crying, she slapped on a pink leotard and made Saturday Night Fever cooler than it probably ever was...
And look where she's debuted, in quite the pretty fashion in Australia, The United Kingdom and The Netherlands...
Yes.
Madonna is well and truly back. Here's hoping the album does much of the same this coming Sunday Night right across the globe.
Suck on that Whitney.
 So we're not really having much bloody luck at all this month, are we?
A long(ish) Australian Princess report was all ready to go, and the PC decided to shit itself.
And as hilarious and charming as it probably was, you'll never get to read it and we certainly won't be trying to conduct the same product all over again.
So, without further ado, Highlights and tidbits from/on Aus Princess: In point form.
- Wendy called Jean a "Funny Old Thing".
- The men taking the girls around the UK were just average plebs who work (!!!!!) for a living. One of them works in a jewel shop. A SHOP!!! Was there an outage of unemployed and somewhat rich male offcuts related to Fergie or something?
- Laura K, on shooting, said "I was just happy to be holding a gun".
- Abby insisted Laura K would return to stripping.
- Abby has obviously forgotten that Laura K will probably win this competition.
- Abby is just jealous she couldn't embark on a stripping career even if she wanted to.
- Laura K looked amazing.
- Wendy insinuated the other girls were whores. We couldn't agree more.
- James Whitaker is a fucking moron and should have that street light yanked from out his arsehole.
- Paul Burrell should have been in the car that night with Diana, not Dodi.
- There really isn't enough Jane Ferguson being shown anymore.
- Thank god Melissa is gone.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Our hands are small, we know, but they're not yours they are our own...
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 So with all the mugging that's been going on, we decided it might be a good idea to calm our nerves by revamping our Links page.
This is something we were meant to have finished over a month ago.
Oh well.
It has pink & green text, and looks a little more organized than the last almighty links page. We've also thrown in a couple of new pages, like the overwhelmingly funny "Tard Blog", and updated the picture for "Poptext", among other things. We've also got the new link to "Worldmix". Which you should all know about by now. Click HERE to visit our amazing (ha!) new links page.
Hurrah!
x
[PS: We've started our Princess "2 in 1" update, look for it on Monday kids.]
Friday, November 11, 2005
Blood On The Dancefloor
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 You will forgive us for being so slack with our Australian Princess update after hearing of the shock and horror we have suffered this afternoon.
On our way to pay bills after purchasing some goods at a recently updated shopping centre, a beanie-clad local decided to try and snatch our bag (we're not bloody joking). Of course, if this were any other day we would probably have allowed the thief to run off with our rather empty bag, but no, not today.
For you see, today we had a copy of the brand new MADONNA ALBUM in said bag. In fact, it had only been purchased a good 5 minutes prior to the incident.
Initial reaction was to hold onto the bag for dear life, but the crafty theif would not have any of this, and, quite forcefully, continued to yank at the bag.
It all ended with us whacking him across the head with a clenched fist, him falling to the ground - out cold, and us spending our Friday afternoon being questioned at the police station about what happened.
No charges have been pressed on either side.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Tea with Mussolini Tiga
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 Remember about two weeks ago we were crapping on about securing an interview with some seriously hot pop music property?
Well, it's finally up online.
The very spunky Tiga was kind enough to indulge in a cup of tea with us whilst we asked him deep probing questions.
You know, about Emma Bunton and the like.
Anywho, the man is in Australia over the next few weeks to play a set of gigs for the new CD he's mixed, "Inthemix05", which is being released through Central Station Records on Monday.
But yes, back to that interview bizzo, read our riveting Q&A by pointing your cursor here.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Better Homes & Gardens
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 If you haven't made it to your local cinema of late, maybe catching "Wolf Creek" might be the movie to break your drought.
You've heard all the hype and hoolahah behind the film, with one reviewer claiming its gore almost rivals the likes of snuff pictures. There have even been reports of movie going patrons walking out, before any of the real horror has even begun.
It's the most talked about movie of 2005, whether the talk be in favour of or opposed to. And, surprisingly enough, it's an Australian fillum.
Ex Mr. Noni Hazzlehurst, and star of such compelling Australian films like All Men Are Liars; (which starred Toni Pearen playing a lesbian of sorts - life imitating art is ALL we're going to say on that one) John Jarrat, plays outback man Mick Taylor. Mick seems like a nice enough guy to three backpackers, Liz, Kristy and Ben (played by sexiest man alive Nathan Phillips), when their car breaks down after visiting some ridiculous crater site at Wolf Creek.
Taylor, being the true outback gentlemen, offers the gang some help, and eventually begins to tow their vehicle back to his residence. After several hours of driving, they arrive at the destination, are welcomed - quite nicely - by Jarrat's character, and eventually fall asleep whilst the outback bush-ranger feverishly begins repairing their automobile.
But several hours later, they realize that their ultimate worst nightmare has unraveled whilst they've been napping. For the next 45 minutes, your stomach will turn, churn and try to empty itself all over the seat in front of you. Your brain will twist and you will probably have the biggest headache you have ever encountered in your lifetime.
John Jarrat is flawless as the freakish Mick Taylor. His now infamous murderous snicker is the main subject of our nightmares night after night. Nathan Phillips, who has been in more than his fair share of Australian Movie Turkeys, shines through as Aussie Ben. His charisma sparkles on the screen, even when he's being tortured you just can't help but notice his extreme star appeal.
The other two backpackers (who are British girls), played by Aussie actress' Cassandra Magrath and Kestie Morassi are also compelling to watch, and somehow manage to pull of being Brit girls.
To be honest, though, it's merely the thought of all this outback murder happening that is ultimately scary, not necessarily the movies gore. Regardless of what one Herald Sun journo's "snuff" comment may have generated, it's nowhere near as horrific in the graphically disturbing stakes as the general media would have you believe. It's scary - yes, and sickening even (if you don't feel like fainting when Jarrat explains what a "head on a stick" is, then you've got some serious mental issues), but nowhere near as blood-n-guts as its being made out to be.
That said, this movie does what every horror should - scares the living shit out of you AND make you think after it's all over. There's a hint of romance halfway through the movie, but it all soon very much dies on its arse once the gruesome behaviour begins. So thank goodness for that.
If you've ever felt an eerie sense in regards to the Australian outback, we can guarantee that after you've watched Wolf Creek, your eerie sense will develop itself into a preposterously large terrifying fear. You will also disregard any plans of becoming a backpacker, cringe when you look at rusty nails in the wall and scream whenever John Jarrat appears on television.
Hands down, the movie of the year.
WIN!!!
Thanks to our friends at Village Cinemas, we have one double pass to give away for any Australian viewers (sorry International folk!) who wish to see WOLF CREEK for free at a Village Cinema of their choice. Simply email us with your full name, address and a short story telling us of your scariest/funniest garden adventure, and we'll give the best entrant the tickets. Entries must be in by no later than THIS FRIDAY 11th November at 4PM EST. It's that simple!
SIDENOTE!!
We'll be opening our very own highly-tacky Nathan Phillips micro-site over the next few weeks, so keep your eyes peeled etc etc.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Mum On A Dancefloor
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 She's back!! And so is Madonna!! Yes, our mother has come out of the woodwork to observe yet another pop music gem for you all. After the roaring success of the Rachel Stevens review we conducted with our dear Mum, she's here to do it all again, but in the name of disco, something she says she was very fond of before we ruined her social life.
HUNG UP
IAR: Opening the album with this excellent ABBA stormer, a clear indication of why Madge really is the queen.
MUM: This is almost better than the actual original ABBA song! Lovely. 9/10
GET TOGETHER
IAR: Hints of slick-French House, the robotic 'melody' is somewhat floaty, with Mo purring about hooking up with someone. Would sound amazing on a large system at one of those daytime summer raves.
MUM: It's a bit like that song... uh.. (starts to sing Daft Punk's "One More Time"). Very good. 9/10
SORRY
IAR: It all starts with the Queen of pop apologizing in different languages. The jury is still out on whether this multi-cultural apology is for dueting with Britney Spears. Anywho, "Sorry" will be the albums 2nd single, and it's very easy to see why. Pop perfection with a chorus that sucks you in, and the amazing lyric "There's more important things than hearing you speak".
MUM: Very good this is. Impressive, can only imagine what the video clip will be like. Strong vocals too, I like this better than the new single actually. 10/10
FUTURE LOVERS
IAR: Slightly "borrowing" a bit of Donna Summer, this Mirwais production is quite nice, with a spoken intro that runs about 20 seconds too long. When the beat finally does kick in, it's all worth it.
MUM: This is rather terrible. 7/10
I LOVE NEW YORK
IAR: Yes. Album hits its weak point right about here. You would all have heard about the infamous lyric where Madge refers to herself as a dork.
MUM: Is she serious? Someone should tell her to shut up. 5/10
LET IT WILL BE
IAR: The opening violin strings sound a lot like the string arrangement used on Mo's "Papa Don't Preach". Aside from extremely poor grammar in the title, this is quite a lush song that would probably sound rather divine after double dropping some ecstasy.
MUM: This is much better. It reminds me of a song you could light some candles and have a bath to. 8/10
FORBIDDEN LOVE
IAR: There are slight hints of earthy-Ray Of Light melodies through this entire album, just a lot bigger and dancier. This is THE mellow-ray moment on the album. Exquisite in so many ways. Pity she had a song with the same title on her Bedtime Stories album.
MUM: Yeah it's nice enough. She sounds rather sexy on this. 9/10
JUMP
IAR: Reminding us of "Thief of Hearts", this track is probably her most early-90's-house moment. Killer choon with an infectiously jovial chorus.
MUM: Another dancey number! Madonna's great, isn't she?! 9/10
HOW HIGH
IAR: Sounding like a MUCH better take on Kylie's mediocre "Come Into My World", another major album highlight, with some rather strong lyrics: "I take just about everything/except my own advice/Nobody's perfect/I guess I deserve it".
MUM: The whole album is a lot more floaty-like than I expected. Not complaining, but it's a far cry from rave music isn't it? 10/10
ISAAC
IAR: Another top album highlight, Kabbalah infused Hebrew prayer opens it, following some extremely hypnotic and just-damn-lovely beats, with Madge "mmmmm"ing through out. Absolute ripper.
MUM: That hebrew chant is quite haunting in such a lovely way. I have goosebumps, this is very good, and her humming has been taken right from some of her other singles. She's a clever little Italian isn't she? 10/10
PUSH
IAR: Ode to hubby Guy, this is extremely world-music like in all the right ways. The chorus is strong and solid, but it's the rapid rate of each verse that gives this number its potent edge.
MUM: Another favourite. This album is shaping up to be a lot better than her last few. 10/10
LIKE IT OR NOT
IAR: This is pleasant. Not a bad way to end the album, with Mo singing "Sticks and stones may break my bones/but your names will never hurt". She also sings a line containing "Better the devil you know" which can only be a good thing.
MUM: Nice enough. 7/10
So that's that really. Without a doubt this is the greatest album of the year, and is probably Madonna's 3rd or 4th best album overall.
American Life is still probably her 2nd best, and in about 5 years time, everyone will realise that it is just spellbindingly good and Madge's own "Impossible Princess".
Until then, "Confessions" dishes up all the right moves and grooves. Welcome back Madonna, we've bloody missed you.
Mirrorballs out of 10? Without a doubt...
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Shaking you all weekend long...
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- TOMORROW: Madonna review with our dear Mum.
- SATURDAY: "Wolf Creek" Bizzo.
- SUNDAY: Australian Princess Update.
How bloody exciting. SEE?!?!! We aren't dead!!
WITHOUT A DOUBT, THIS IS THE GREATEST ALBUM OF THE YEAR.
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More on the matter when:
a) We've woken up properly.
b) Our Mother is ready to review it with us.
c) We've listened to it another 100 times.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Everybody comes to Rachelwood
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 We urge you all to stop what it is you're currently doing and take a look at this little snippet from a recent Madonna interview...
Interviewer: So how come you chose Bloodshy and Avant (to work on the new album)?
Madonna: Because of the records they did with other people... My daughter was listening to Rachel Stevens, her album... I thought they (the songs on album) we're really catchy, and danceable... and I liked them!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking Amazing!
If you do not believe us, watch it yourself. Requires RealPlayer.
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