Friday, September 30, 2005
We just want you to know
|
 The new Backstreet Boys single, "Just want you to know", has debuted in this weeks ARIA chart at Number #22.
Unacceptable Australia.
This is one of the greatest songs to come from a boyband, not ever, but bloody close, yes. Never mind the fact that there really is only one member to care for in that band (just when we thought Nick Carter could not get any sexier, he goes and gets incredibly buffed, bronzed and completely more fuckable than he ever was. There really is a god, etc etc). And never mind that "B-Rock" started going bald and then found god (possibly not in that order). Do not allow his baldness and love of Mel Gibson to deter you from purchasing a very good pop song.
Nickelback and that disgusting Daniel Powter are in this countries top 10 and sexy Nick Carter The Backstreet Boys don't even scrape into our top 20.
Let us have a look, in true Friday list tradition, at some of the reasons why next week we want the single to at LEAST be number 5.
1. The video clip is simply the most brilliant thing you will see this week.
2. Nick Carter
3. It is a VERY good song that is quite fitting when at the gym.
4. Nick Carter
5. And that's that.
BUY THE SINGLE | BUY THEIR GREATEST HITS
P.S. Just quietly, we're quite "into" the new Shannon Noll and Ricki-Lee singles. We know, how terrible. Also, PPS: Have you missed us?!
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Bit Quiet around here...
|
 ...innit?
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
The Greatest Show on Earth
|
 Stop what it is you're doing and take a look at the TV Guide. This applies to Australian viewers only by the way. Flick over to TUESDAY. That being Today. Take a look at what is returning to our screens at 11:20pm TONIGHT on the home of Dancing with the Stars.
YES. ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. THIS ALL BEGINS IN ROUGHLY 25 MINUTES! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!
Of course, Channel 7 did not finish screening Season 1, so they're continuing where they left off - even though America just tuned into the 2nd episode of Season 3 less than a week ago.
So for those of you who didn't illegally download season 2 in full and have not already begun downloading season 3 through amazing internet torrents have decided to wait for its Channel 7 return, we, in a rather excited state, would like to inform you all that you are most definitely in for a treat.
Season 1 was all about Buster, but Season 2: it's dear mother Lucille who, pretty much, drinks her way through amazing scene after amazing scene. And to make it even hotter for you under that collar of yours, Liza Minelli returns to reprise her role as the same-named neighbour of everyones favourite TV mother since Edina Monsoon. Plus, Portia De Rossi is still in this show, which really makes it all too good to be true.
Comic genius that is being wasted in such a late time slot, but at least they've finally decided to bloody show it again. No doubt 7 will change the day/time etc of the show week by week, so stay "tuned" to your preferred TV Guide.
Whatever you do, DO NOT MISS THIS AMAZING SHOW.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Round and Dead
|
 Dear Amiel & Josh Abrahams;
We very well understand that you two are still not speaking after the horrible split that was your working (and bedroom) relationship sometime this year, but for the love of god, have you both not noticed the disgusting debut of "Round & Round"? Number #64.
Amiel, we really do like your new song but it's just not as good as anything that, say, Josh Abrahams may have co-written with you. In fact, your album, which has now been pushed to a 2006 release, is fearfully not as good either. We'd like you to prove us wrong Amiel, we really would, but of course we haven't yet even heard said album, so unless you send us a copy, we'll keep saying it's probably going to be shit.
Josh, for the love of god pick up your phone and call your former love. "We're not talking!" We hear you shout. Well we don't really give a fuck, text the bitch then, no talking required. Do you really want poor Amiel's next single to end up like Tiffani Wood's did? Missing the top 100 all together?
For god sakes, get it together you two and realize you are both less more than likely nothing without the other. (Subject to change)
Much love, hugs & kisses:
Your friends @ IAR xxx
Separated at Birth part #672
|
Left: Dead Or Alive's Pete Burns
Right: Bold & The Beautiful star Hunter Tylo
Da-dadadadadada-dadadada-da...
|
 Hello.
To your left is a rather low quality scan of a rather high quality 'artist'. His name is Quesh (well, that's not his real name but, you know, same shit and all that) and he has a new single out titled "Candy Girl". Not only is it exceptionally tremendous, but it's also all a bit too overwhelmingly good. It really is the "Feel-good summer hit of the year", but with it not being summer, not really. Giving Kylie's La La La's a run for their money, the chorus is about as infectious as the bird flu.
And then there's his new album 'Egonomic '. Such an outstanding piece of electronic-infused-pop, so much so, it has gotten us very excited and has almost replaced Princess Superstar's ' My Machine' as the most played album at the IAR offices.
"Ghettobitch" is simply divine, but the whole album is of superb quality. Get it. Get it get it get it get it. We strongly urge you to do this. Amazingly, Quesh offers free music downloads (!!!!!!) on his rather green website, even music videos! YES! It truly is just downright unthinkable isn't it?
So, now you must go and buy the electro-pop album of the year, or simply tantalize your taste buds by purchasing the CD single.
Folks, it looks like we have a new favorite artist.
Friday, September 23, 2005
So it's been a while since we last posted a picture of McFly and crapped on about how great sex with Harry would be, hasn't it?...
|
 
Enjoy your weekend! x
 We like to watch Australian Idol here at IAR. Every year in fact. Sadly, each fucking year we develop a favorite and they get booted out early. We already began this year having near coronaries everytime Roxane was told to go home, and the thought of Bendigo-Bogan Kate leaving is just too sad to even contemplate. So to prevent us from the pain of previous years, we've decided to back the most hated woman in Australia at the moment, Laura Gissara. Why? Imagine if she DID win? The outrage across the Country would be tremendously insane. It would be the greatest joke ever performed on reality television, a show which, two winners running, has proven is a crock of shit anyways.
Tell us this: would an American or British pop music enthusiast purchase a Guy Sebastian or Casey Donovan CD? NOT EVEN THE AUSTRALIANS DO! So, in our new Friday afternoon tradition, after last weeks ridiculously successful (!!!) 'Things to make & Do', we've masterminded another half-arsed list...
5 REASONS IT'S GISS FTW!
 1. Her heartwarming rendition of En Vogue's "Don't Le Go (Love)" was truly so breathtaking and unreal that we can only wait with baited breath for her to do "Free Your Mind" on 90's night.
 2. She is probably the only person who would be able to pull off the costume to accompany her performance of "Flashdance (What A Feeling!)" on 80's night without looking like too much of a fuckwit.
 3. Unlike James, Laura's teeth are very well kept. They don't look as if they're about to crumble and fall out from some strange form of bird-flu that's nested itself into her cavities.
 4. You know as well as we do, that if Laura had been old enough to audition for the second Popstars, she would have been in Scandal'us instead of Tamara Jabber Simon Ditcham. Which would obviously have resulted in Scandal'us set to release their 4th number #1 album, produced by Xenomania, before Christmas 2005.
 5. Mark Holden, who has produced the music and albums of such profound and respected pop stars such as Milla Jovovich, David Hasselhoff and Donny Osmond, thinks Laura has no talent. Give her the recording contract now, we say.
Hrmm.
Of course, we're REALLY rooting for Emily and Kate. But they're not as comical as our beloved Laura is, so they don't get a top 5.
We're a bit low on ideas lately aren't we?
 We thought we should bring up a few things before putting ourselves to bed for the night.
Firstly: The Dresden Dolls (frolicking along a beach to your right) are very good, aren't they? So why has no one informed us of their brilliance until now? They are just musical genius on a piano, are they not?! Their self titled album is grand.
 Secondly: After 12 years, Kate Bush has finally put her bong away and has recorded a new album. To make up for the lost time, it's a 2 CD set of all new material, and the new single "King Of The Mountain" is truly exceptional, and is just about what you would expect an amazing 47 years of age Kate Bush to sound like.
We simply cannot contain our excitement for either of these acts, and neither can those over-enthusiastic boys from the McFly.
 See?
Thursday, September 22, 2005
I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me
|
 Dear Kate Moss;
We just wanted to let you know that in this horrifyingly cruel time of need, everyone at the IAR offices are (quite possibly the only people) supporting you as ferociously as ever. Even though we very strongly disagree with your choice of boyfriend, this is obviously a learning curve that you have to overcome to grow as a woman. And this is something we have come to accept.
Like teething, if you will.
So yes, we really do still very much love you dearly.
Just not as much as we love Naomi, but you already know this.
Anyways, have a nice day, and don't worry too much about Burbery or Hennes and Mauritz, you still have your precious Pete.
Warm love, hugs and kisses,
IAR. xxx
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Please cease with your emails of horror and despair...
|
 ...we are as DISGUSTED as you lot that the greatest woman alive, Eva Longoria, was cruelly overlooked for an award, much less a nomination at the Emmy Awards this week.
After spending a fair chunk of the week cursing Television, Americans in general and Teri Hatcher for possibly being the cause of this atrocity, we have decided to launch our own awards show, in which Eva Longoria, the greatest woman alive, shall win every single statuette, and even perform an amazing cover of ZZ Top's "Legs", whilst wearing nothing but the pictures silver swimsuit. Naturally, the awards ceremony will be hosted by Gina Lee Nolin and Yumi from Channel V.
This is where you - the disgruntled Emmy's watcher, comes in. If you would like to possibly fund this fantastic awards ceremony, email us. Any donation would be appreciated, but anything less than $300,000.00 is more than likely going to be quite useless to us.
So "dig deep", as those charity folk say.
 No, that is not a potentially dirty picture of Australian Idol's Tarni Stephens.
It's actually Princess Superstar's very pretty lips/tongue/breasts + clothing, and is a promotional picture for her new album "My Machine".
What is "My Machine" you ask? It's the album of the future, that's what it is. The story pretty much begins with Superstar making 10,000 clones of herself. Don't believe us? Well, you may remember a month back, we spoke quite briefly of a weekly pop column we were 'writing' for djtracker.com... well, it's actually now gone fortnightly. What does this have to do with "My Machine"?
[PLUG] Over on djtracker.com, you can read the wonderful (!!!!!) review we have slapped onto our fortnightly pop column for the amazing new Princess Superstar album "My Machine". [/PLUG]
Amazing! etc etc.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Gissaranother day in Paradise
|
 STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND LISTEN 'HERE'.
It seems that Australian Idol's Laura Gissara, the luckiest woman on Reality Television at the moment, has an entire fan community nesting themselves into a corner of the intraweb. 323 MEMBERS OF SAID COMMUNITY! (The jury is still out on whether 321 of those members are actually Laura's family.)
And in a surprising turn of events, it's run by Laura's dear mother, Mrs. Gissara.
Follow this link to join the said forum, discuss Laura, view photos of her, visit the image blend (!?!?!) shop, and DOWNLOAD ONE OF LAURA'S ORIGINAL RECORDINGS.
YES.
"Ready, Willing & Able" is available to download from the online forum, or simply by clicking here.
It's a really fucking shithouse song, by the way.
EDIT!!!!!!! Download Laura's AWESOME (!!!!) performance of En Vogue's "Don't Let Go (Love)" HERE!!! OMGOATTT!!
 Poor Javine Lisa Scott-Lee. Her new MTV Rockumentary Series is the funniest show on the box at the moment, and it's quite safe to say this is highly unintentional.
For the uneducated folk, let's take a look at Lisa's pop music history: She was in the band 'Steps'. They Split up. She did some solo stuff. It bombed.
See. It wasn't that hard a history lesson now was it? In this "amazing" television program, Lisa says "Fuck", "Shit" and cries, cries, cries, cries, cries. Some of the famous faces (ha! famous!) in the family clan include her husband, who was that dickhead from Hear'say, Lisa's annoying brother, and his girlfriend Michelle, from Liberty X. Who, may we just add, is a whinging little cunt, and we already do not like her one bit.
The first episode progresses through the promotion of Lisa's less-than-impressive single "Get It On", with the corker obviously being watching her sob uncontrollably as she discovers her single has debuted at... Number 23. Not even top 20. But completely forgettable: debuting in the top 40.
 Lisa Scott-Lee belts out some Aretha
down the pub for "Karaoke Idol".
We all know that this would be the most tragic thing to happen in pop since Take That split/Geri left the Spice Girls/East 17 were blown up on a bus, but can you seriously imagine the terrifyingly brilliant humor if this single debuts at number 11? All that aside, we at IAR are quite confident it'll do well, because it is a VERY good song. Co-written by Ben Adams (of A1 "fame"), it sounds like something Janet Jackson may have once thought about writing, but gave up on it in favor for a slice of chocolate cake.
 Now look to your right. Yes. That is a screen grab from Lisa's new video clip for "Electric". It conjures up somewhat unwanted images of the vid for Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible".
What all this means? Well, it's quite great without actually being any good.
So what we're trying to say is: We need Lisa Scott-Lee in this cruel world of pop. You may not see what we see right now, but believe us when we say, if Lee doesn't hit the top 10 with her new single, THE CHANCES OF A STEPS REUNION IN THE NEAR DISTANT FUTURE CAN BE FOREVER BANISHED FROM YOUR THOUGHTS.
Which means you'll just have to buy her single to assure her of a top 10 debut. No, she may not be Rachel Stevens, but at least she's not Jo Fucking O'Meara.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
It's all "subject to change" and rather rushed, isn't it?
|
So a "challenge" was put into place by our dear friend Scott over at Scott, 2 Be Certain, to come up with the other 4 of 5 greatest pop songs of all time. We very 'loosely' mentioned several days ago that La Stevens' "Crazy Boys" was one of the top 5 greatest pop songs made. But what about the other four, many of you cried!
Well, not only have we come up with another four, we've listed our top 20. Compiled after a rather drunken large night out on the town relaxing 20 minute sleep, we're sure we'll wish we had put certain songs in 1,000 times before Tuesday. But as of Saturday afternoon, here's what we came up with...
 20. HOLLY VALANCE "State Of Mind"
It truly was a tragic moment in popular culture that this song was not Number #1 in every country all over the world for at least 2 years. Instead, it was the song that had poor Holly booted off her label. Cunts.
 19. SUGABABES "Freak Like Me"One of two Richard-X produced gems in this "countdown". After the dirty Adina Howard decided she was not allowing the X-man to use her vocal for an official release, the song landed on the 'babes laps, and 'whalla', suck on that you dirty cow.  18. MEL & KIM "Respectable"Stupid hats, ridiculous dancing and a novelty line that was only rivaled by Kylie's "La-La's" (see "tay-tay-tay-tay-t-t-t-t-t-tay-tay), it's quite upsetting poor Mel passed away too early into their short lived career. S.A.W's finest work. 17. GWEN STEFANI "What U Waiting 4"No Doubt were amazing. This is only JUST better than anything they'd ever done. 'Tic-Toc-Tic-Toc-Tic-Toc' indeed, with a brilliant clip to boot. Was easily the best song of 2004 by a long shot really. 16. BONNIE TYLER "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"Have you seen the video clip for this? If you haven't, we strongly suggest that you do. The dancing fuckwits, alongside the hollow-eyed morons who prance about in it are truly worth buying any crappy 80's music DVD just to see. Oh and the songs brill too.  15. WHAM! "Freedom"George and "that other guy" made many-a-gem, but this one stands out as a large cut above the rest, purely on the Motown feel alone. Wouldn't a Geri Halliwell cover of it be fantastic?!! No, no, you're right it wouldn't. 14. MICHAEL JACKSON "In The Closet"
We are all very well aware that Neil Tennant is the King of Pop, and not MJ. So with that aside, Naomi Campbell was in the clip for this 'tune'. But apparently, Madonna was the actual "Mystery Girl" on this track. Whoever lay the whisper down, this is by far MJ's best song, and is truly underrated.  13. KYLIE v NEW ORDER "Blue Monday Outta My Head" So one of the greatest pop songs gets meshed with one of the greatest dance tracks of all time, as if the end result wasn't going to be as monstrously jaw-dropping as this. Makes the original Kylie track almost unlistenable.
 12. MADONNA "Into The Groove"
Madonna and co. write a song for a new artist on Warner. 'Desperately Seeking Susan' director hears Madonna's demo and wants it for their movie. Unknown artist forever tearful, Madonna and movie big hit. Pussycat Dolls anyone?  11. THE CARPENTERS "Top Of The World"
What do you call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese? Karen Carpenter with a yeast infection. Jokes aside, (and incest stories aside too thank you), this was such a lovely pop song. And then she died a few years later. Oh well.  10. ABBA "Summer Night City"You know, a lot of people don't even KNOW what this song is, and to those people, we say a big "Fuck You". Unquestionably the best Abba song created, we wonder why some fantastic electro making person hasn't covered/remixed it yet for the clubs?  9. SUGABABES "Overload"Debut single from a pop band that would shape the sound of music in the 21st century. This is a landmark in Pop music folks. Let's not talk about the ugly third member that was replaced by the amazing Heidi by the second album though.  8. SPICE GIRLS "Spice Up Your Life"Their solo careers may be as colorful as a shit farm in Werribee, but this song truly marked their 'Girl Power and all that other shite' on the world map. "Wannabe" may have been huge, but this was a MASSIVE pop song in all regards.  7. PET SHOP BOYS "Being Boring"What a lovely song. The Pet Shop Boys are amongst the absolute pioneers of Pop music, and we probably should have had at least another six of their songs in this chart, but you know, we weren't really thinking at the time, were we?  6. GIRLS ALOUD "No Good Advice"'Shut your mouth because your shit might show' is hands down the best of about 600 awesome lines in a Girls Aloud song. The "My Sharona/Hey Mickey!" attitude of this 'ditty' shines through, making it the Aloud's best (of many awesome) songs.  5. RACHEL STEVENS "Some Girls"This was apparently written by Richard X for the mighty Aloud Girls. Rachel got it instead, made it a huge hit and copped a lot of flack for sounding like Goldfrapp. Criminally never released in Australia, like most good pop songs.  4. THE PRETENDERS "Don't Get Me Wrong"Oh lord. Is this song just not mind blowing? Tender lyrics and a chorus that is always to be sung with gusto, Hynde and co really didn't get us wrong with this at all, did they. And let's not forget the songs cameo in Romy & Michelle...  3. BLONDIE "Atomic"Disco-tastic Deborah Harry and Band really brought out the big guns for this number. Those chords! That chorus! Those yellow gloves in the clip! That tin foil! Some people argue they truly were the best pop band to make music. Those folk are probably right.  2. MADONNA "La Isla Bonita"Well and truly before it was fashionable to make Latin-inspired music, Madonna recorded the most amazing song of her entire career. For a tear-jerkingly moving rendition of it, check out Madge's 'Drowned World Tour'. Absolutely inspiring.  1. PAT BENATAR "Love Is A Battlefield"If you have ever been in a club when this song comes on, you'll understand the sensation of feeling goosebumps running up your spine as you dance the night away to it. Pat's best moment, and, in our eyes, Pop's most perfect time in the spotlight, timeless classic that we'll never be sick of. Also, if you can watch the video clip... comical genius - Benatar's first - AND ONLY - dance sequence in a clip. And you'll see why she never did them again once you've watched this pearler. Brilliance of extreme proportions. So there you have it, the Top 20 Greatest Pop Songs of all time according to IAR (well, the songs we thought were the 20 best on Saturday anyways). We have already started thinking of one's we forgot to mention, so without further ado...
The "Honorable Mentions" are:
Bardot "I Need Somebody", "Empty Room" and "Poison", Cyndi Lauper "She Bopp" and "The Goonies", Betty Boo "Doin' The Do", S Club 7 "Don't Stop Movin" and "Natural", The entire STEPS back catalogue, S Club 8's "Sundown", Bananarama "Cruel Summer", "Robert De'Niro's Waiting", "Venus" and "Nathan Jones", Geri Halliwell "Calling", Real McCoy "Automatic Lover", No Doubt "Don't Speak", "Running" and "Simple Kind Of Life", Pet Shop Boys' entire back catalogue: especially "Go West", New Orders Love Triangle, also Madonna with "Gambler" and "Burning Up". And about 600 others we can't think of right now.
So that's that then.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Things To Make & Do
|
As we prepare ourselves for the weekend, we thought we'd leave you with a top 10 list of things to "make and do" this Saturday and Sunday. The increasing amount of 'lists' that keep appearing on this site are due to a complete lack of inspiration merely here by your request.
 01. FIND A LONG, STURDY STICK...
...and impress your friends and family with your amazing Ruslana impersonations.
 02. PRE-ORDER RACHEL'S NEW ALBUM...
...and relax in the comfort of knowing you've made the most amazing contribution to keeping pop music alive. Just Click!
 03. SPEND 20 MINUTES ADMIRING KELLY CLARKSON...
...because she's the first International Mega-Superstar in possibly forever, that is bringing her Australian tour to GEELONG. Unbelievable really.
 04. SEND UNIVERSAL MUSIC AUSTRALIA AN EMAIL...
...explaining that you will be killing yourself if McFly don't have anything released in Australia by Christmas. Do that here.
 05. CLICK HERE...
...and visit EVERY SINGLE WEBSITE we've listed in our AMAZING new 'Websites To Worship' page. It truly is just outstanding.
 06. GO TO THE MOVIES...
...purchase a ticket to 'The Dukes Of Hazard', and see why Johnny Knoxville is one of the most luscious men on the planet. Dear lord.
 07. PURCHASE SOMETHING TRULY SHIT ON EBAY...
...like this brilliant waterproof 'pill holder'. Store your favorite prescription pills such as Xanax, or hide that 'Green Mitsubishi' you're taking to Godskitchen in a few weeks.
 08. GO TO YOUR LOCAL MUSIC OUTLET...
...and purchase the brand new Princess Superstar CD "My Machine", which is just nuts in all the right ways. "Do yourself a favor, and grab this", or something like that. So there you go.
 09. PRAY WITH US...
...that the movie version of the greatest novel EVER written will not be total utter shit, and will actually be miraculously outstanding. It's quite paramount this is the case.
 10. GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER...
...and pour yourself a stiff drink. It's Friday!! (or, for Scott: Investigate the metaphysical limitations of basic existence.) Enjoy your weekend folks, see you on Monday!
x iar.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Does your mother know?
|
 No this isn't the cover for the new Rachel Stevens album "Come & Get It", but it is, however, the best fan made one going around at the moment, and it'll have to "do" for the latest IAR Rachel Update.
Because everyone on the internet will be reviewing this album on their websites, we've decided to take a different approach. We'll (that being "us") be describing the song in a sentence or two, followed by our dear mother (!!!!!), who will also be commenting on each song (she really does love Rachel). Then we'll sum it up and rate the whole shebang out of 10 Rachel gloves. Exciting? No, not really, but let's get on with it.
SO GOOD
WE SAY: "Excellent opener, excellent single, crap clip, marvelous gloves."
MUM SAYS: "Quite lovely. She sounds like Dannii Minogue a bit here..."
CRAZY BOYS
WE SAY: "The new Richard X/Hannah Collaboration that is one of the greatest songs of our time."
MUM SAYS: "It sounds like something I listened to when I was younger... which is a very good thing.
JE M'APPELLE
WE SAY: "A little bit Ciara, quite RnB and not very Rachel, but we're somewhat drawn to it."
MUM SAYS: "Pretty stinky."
I SAID NEVER AGAIN (BUT HERE WE ARE)
WE SAY: "One of the singles of the year. Very "Ballroom Blitz" by The Sweet. Outstanding."
MUM SAYS: "Just Lovely. It's like Adam & The Ants, I feel like dancing to this! My favorite for sure. If only more music was made like this."
NOTHING GOOD ABOUT THIS GOODBYE
WE SAY: "Not as good as Alexis Strums original, but growing on us rapidly as each day progresses. Guitar bit at the end sounds a tad like Natalie's 'Torn'."
MUM SAYS: "Why's she so sad? No sad songs please. Very upsetting. She was going so well too."
SOME GIRLS
WE SAY: "One of the top 5 greatest pop songs ever created."
MUM SAYS: "I know this song don't I? YES! It's on one of my CD's! Adorable! Isn't it a bit old though?"
EVERY LITTLE THING
WE SAY: "Pleasant Enough and quite 80's of Rachel. Nice."
MUM SAYS: "Bit boring."
DUMB DUMB
WE SAY: "Second best non-single on this album, truly unreal. Bad name, gorgeous song."
MUM SAYS: "Well this is better! Song with a pulse, i likey. Reminds me of that crazy lady with sticks from Eurovision." (We later informed Mum that the crazy ladies name was Ruslana.)
FUNNY HOW
WE SAY: "Best song that isn't a single on this album. If 'Some Girls' wasn't on this album, then this WOULD be the best song here. Totally brilliant, and boasts the great line "Take these fools away from me. Genius."
MUM SAYS: "This reminds me of early Madonna. Very good. Very luscious melody and her voice is angelic here."
NEGOTIATE WITH LOVE
WE SAY: "Cutest pop song ever made. Subject to change."
MUM SAYS: "This is my 2nd favorite song on the album I think. It's very pretty. You just want to hug her and make her something to eat don't you?" (Er.....)
SECRET GARDEN
WE SAY: "Hrmm. It's not great, but there's something appealing about it. We're not quite sure what yet, so we'll get back to you."
MUM SAYS: "Oh god. Can you put the next song on please?"
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME
WE SAY: "Sounds very American, belongs on the OC or something. Still quite amazing though. Samples the Cure, which is always a good thing."
MUM SAYS: "What's happened to her voice? She sounds horrible! I don't like this. Yucky."
I WILL BE THERE
WE SAY: "Singing about a dead love. Well, kind of. Perfect ending to an almost perfect album, touching, tender and almost danceable."
MUM SAYS: "Angelic again! Well this is good to hear. Sounds like Kylie's last one a bit. Nice."
So there you have it. The I'm Always Right review, in cohorts with our dearly amazing mother. Our beloved WILL return to review other things "in the foreseeable future", or something like that.
OVERALL RATING - Gloves out of 10?
 9 out of 10... In a word?: Notfunkydory.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Listen or Die
|
Hello. Here are 5 acts that we absolutely love at IAR that you may not have heard of. Of course, if you have you'll already know how brilliant they all are. Hurrah!
 ELECTROCUTE
Coco Kix and Holly Doll are an unsigned 2 piece electro-punk act that really should have taken over the world by now. We're actually a bit pissed off that they haven't. A slightly tamer version of Peaches, these girls have been likened to everyone from Le Tigre to Felix Da Housecat.
And rightfully so. With song titles such as the amazing "Cops Copulating" and the equally as marvelous "Shag Ball", the fact these girls are still rather unknown could quite possibly be one of the top 5 crimes of the century. Visit their MySpace website and listen to 3 of their songs in hi-quality full goodness. And you can even download another of their songs, all free. How brilliant! etc etc.
 MOTHER INC
Yvonne & Sandra, are a Yankee bunch. These two ladies hail from New York City, and have a passion for money and not much else. Well that's what their music claims anyways. They're actually late-30-something mothers. Bless. Slightly Pay-TV, slighty Ab-Fab, they're really not all that bad. In fact, they're fucking amazing.
If you can, hunt down the superbly flawless "Megacolon", a collaboration with Fischerspooner, in which they sing the ultimate line of line's "Finger in my hole, gettin' into the dig, there's cum-stain on my panties, and jizz in my wig, my man calls me cherry - thinks I'm uptight, but I'm gonna blow him off cuz I'm dynamite", along with some other just-as-amazing lines about being toilet slaves. Once you've heard that, Two of their other rather good songs are available for free download from their official website: the superficially unreal 'ATM no TLC', and 'Native New Yorker', with the latter being the more enjoyable of the two.
 SPALDING ROCKWELL
Mary-Louise & Nicole had some rather amazing commercial success as guest vocalists on Armand Van Helden's greatest single ever, 'Hear My Name'. They were also stars of the 3rd greatest video clip made in the history of music for that same track, where they spanked - albeit rather fabulously - a stack of people, still finding time to drink tea, eat a chocolate bikkie and look glamorous.
Their LP titled "KATE" is a work of genius, and their previous EP contains a track geniusly titled 'White Cotton Panties'. They're very good, we love them and we feel that the hairstyles they had in the 'Hear My Name' clip, are just legendary. Visit their official website and make sure you buy their new album on cd or on iTunes.
 SISTER 2 SISTER THE VERONICAS
Don't let the freakishly scary likeness to S2S deter you from the fact that these girls aren't all that bad. New single '4ever' seems to be doing all a bit well on the Australian charts, and we wouldn't mind if they stuck around for a while.
Well, at least for a second single. Visit their online haunt, and purchase their new single while you're at it. Australia's answer to a female Busted. Or something.
 PRINCESS SUPERSTAR
Since her first 'proper' commercial debut 'Bad Babysitter', the Superstar has been leaving an almighty big impression on those who've heard her music. Not the worlds best rapper, but so much spunk and attitude, she could think she was a fucking Von-Trapp and we'd still want to shag her senseless.
DJ, Rapper, and bootleg queen - her new album is simply sublime. The first single, 'Perfect', samples the disco-romp-goodness of 'Stars On 45' (!!!!!!!!!!!), which is obviously going to be regarded as the 2nd most clever sampling of a disco song this year (see Madonna 'Hung Up'). You can purchase the superstars intergalactic album of the future 'My Machine' here, and visit her online home shortly after. If free music's your "thing", then head on over to this bit of the net, sign up to the Princess' mailing database, and, whalla! Free MP3!
And may we just add, way back in god-knows-when, Superstar was virtually an unknown, we went to see her play support at a local 1200 Technics (horrifying, we know) show - and she tore the "roof" off, so to speak. Then, she signed our vinyl for us and gave us a "Fuck Off, I Want Princess Superstar" T-Shirt. Isn't she just an absolute saint?!!
So there you have it. Our attempt at educating some of you.
It will probably happen "never again", so lap it up while it's fresh.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Buses & Trains
|
 Yes viewers.
That IS Gloria Estefan in the ravishing red jumpsuit to your left.
Indeed, what many have been fearing for years, is about to unleash itself upon us once more. Gloria Estefan is making a comeback, and anyone who stands in her way, will be killed. Or something to that effect.
The average eye may think this screengrab is simply from the Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound Machine's video "Dr. Beat". But no. No, it's far more sinister than this. It is indeed a grab from the new (!!!!!!!) Mylo vs Miami Sound Machine bootleg, "Dr. Pressure", which has done the rounds on mash-up sites for a few months now.
This week, Glo-Glo and My-lo are in the UK Charts - bulleting in at number #3.
God only knows where she'll debut in Australia when released in a couple of weeks.
Overlooking the fact that this is the 2nd greatest bootleg of the year (following Soulwax's "NY Lipps" of course), the reality of it all is truly sickening. She has new material coming out aside from this masterpiece.
And it's being plonked onto the "Desperate Housewives" Soundtrack. Then, to make it even worse, it's slow, dreary, crap, and probably about victims of hurricane's or tsunami's.
Now, hypothetically speaking, if you had a club "hit" in the charts, were a former pop music diva, and seem to be getting nowhere with your last 600 albums, wouldn't the next step ultimately be to do a "Techno-Cher"?
Isn't that ultimately what all diva's turn into? And don't say you're not looking forward to the next Celine Dion album. Because we ALL know that it'll be filled with Amyl-Nitrate floor-stompers, co-written by Hex Hector and Junior Vasquez. But no, Gloria chooses to live in absolute horrifying denial - not succumbing to her obvious BIRTH RIGHT, and is making us settle for a bootleg. Shame on you Gloria.
It's the end of the world as we know it folks. To celebrate, why not view the outstanding "Dr. Pressure" video clip: either with your Windows Media Player or RealAudio Player. Then, why not treat yourself, and go here to listen to the horrific new Gloria single on her official website. But do be careful. It's almost reminiscent of the soothing sounds of a horse vomiting.
Just a little bit worse though.
But where is Logan David?
|
 Fantasy involving twin brothers from Reality Television aside, it's about time we concocted one of those links pages, seeing as there's no room on our main page to post a fucking button, much less a row of links.
We know, we know, we have that really shitty drop down menu with, like, one site to go to, but well, we're quite slack etc etc, and you get that on the big jobs now don't you?
So we're about to "draw up" an outstanding guide of where to go when this site's just not good enough anymore you've read every single piece of literature available here. This cleverly crafted and well thought out (!!!) page will include links to such amazing online treats as the almighty Popjustice, Fop, Scott, To Be Certain, Pop Goes Canberra, SnapCulture.com, etc etc.
Oh we've already linked some of them for you now.
Aren't we clever.
The finished page will be online when we feel like it by this Friday, so if you have a site you feel we should "heart", email us before the mentioned day and we'll "see what happens".
Ho Ho Hum!
Monday, September 12, 2005
Come & Get "It"...
|
 To celebrate how much we love Rachel Stevens (and how "upset" we are that a further three more AMAZING songs from her new album have been leaked online), we thought we would "cook up" this rather average desktop wallpaper for you.
It's really not that bad, and we've decided that each month we will treat you, the loyal viewer, with one of these fabulous (!!!!) wallpapers, made by us or stolen from somewhere else.
Large monitor? Click here.
Smaller 800 x 600 monitor? Click here.
And don't forget to "enjoy" etc etc.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
The last Supper
|
 Every so often a television show manages to crash through the barriers of the mainstream, and bring forth these barriers out into the open world. Sadly, this is not something that happens enough.
The HBO produced Six Feet Under (from the team that brought us American Beauty) was one of those shows. Sadly, 2005 marks the shows curtain call, with the creators deciding that over five seasons, they had taken the show as far as they could, and it was time to end whilst still on a high, so to speak.
The final crucial 12 episodes of the fifth season of Six Feet Under are terrifyingly amazing. The show that dared to toy with many taboo subjects, including Incest, Homosexual Marriage, Gay Parenting, Adultery, Domestic Violence, even Kidnapping in 2004, has ended in only a way a show as astounding as this one could. Not even the effect of Sex & The City's final episode could rival anything in the finale of this genius program. Many in the states have even heralded the finale as a land mark moment in US television... the finishing episode is touching, moving, shocking and perfect - in true Six Feet style, you just don't know what's going to happen. And when it does you're either pissing yourself with laughter, or hysterically crying.
It's been two hours since we watched the finale, and we still haven't ceased our endless and ridiculous fits of hysteria, slowly scarring our eyes and noses from too many Kleenex tissues. This really is life changing television people.
So as IAR lowers the casket, and farewells Six Feet Under forever, we're asking you - fellow "viewers", what some of your favorite moments of the last five years were. We'll compile the best with some of our favorites, and post the "final 10-13" (how Idol of us) on the site next week. Email them through to us by this Wednesday the 14th of September, and we should have it up Friday the 16th.
Goodbye to the most brilliant television program in the history of film. And the most loving farewell to some of the most marveled characters ever created.
See what we mean?
What show in the world are we ever going to get scenes like that one again we ask you? GOODBYE SIX FEET... ='(
|| 6ft returns to Ch. 9 in Australia for its final season late 2005 ||
 Natalie Bassingthwaite truly is the greatest person drawing breath in this country. In the space of a couple of years, she's helped make Neighbours almost watchable, ruined an on-screen marriage and is now persuing a credible run as a pop star.
Today, we'll be talking you through phase 2 of pop star status: The 2nd Rogue Traders single with new band member Natalie Alphabet.
The single is called "Way to Go", and it's quite outstanding. Not only that, but the magnificent video clip features our dear Izzy dressed as a sexy school teacher. She even has a big stick, which she slams on a table.
 Amazing.
Then, Natalie turns into a hybrid of Samantha Fox meets Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan, sings into a microphone and looks like she's ruler of the world.
 Once again, Amazing.
Thus, we at IAR feel that it really is just no contest: Australian of the Year 2005 - give it Natalie. Not only does she make being Australian look very sexy to the rest of the world, the poor bitch had to kiss Dr Karl Kennedy week in, week out, to get where she is.
Surely this qualifies her for the award.
Surely.
|| view the clip on the sony bmg website by clicking here ||
Friday, September 09, 2005
Back-Door says: "I'm gonna feel So Good"
|
 "Revealing Clothing."
But enough of those Empire Records quotes, it is time to knuckle down and get to business - we are starting to get SERIOUSLY excited about the new Rachel Stevens album "Come & Get It" here at the IAR offices. An album, for those of you playing at home, that shall be released in the UK (sorry Australia) on October 10th.
And if you're one of the folk who've "illegally" "downloaded" "Crazy Boys", then you will understand why we're excited. Snippets of the album have been floating all over the internet for a few weeks now (and no, you can't find these 30 seconds snippets by right-clicking here), and these short clips really are enough to demonstrate that this will be regarded as the 5th greatest album of the year, once, of course, it (2005) is through.
We want to "bum-root" songs like "Crazy Boys", "Funny How" and the criminally awesome "Dumb Dumb". Yes "Dumb Dumb". Crap name, amazing song.
And whilst we're on the subject of anal pleasure, let's not forget about the Fudge-Packing brilliance that is "I Said Never Again (But Here We Are)". The aforementioned songs video clip see's Rachel wearing new gloves (that are, once again, very amazing) - but after viewing the glossies from the ARENA photo shoot (pictured for your spank-bank pleasure), we're wondering if Rachel's arse is more legendary than her gloves? So... is it?
Yes. Yes it is.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Rok out with ya Kok out
|
 So another day, another post about Madonna.
This will no doubt continue until her album is released, which isn't till November, so get used to seeing her mug all over the site. Especially since she is about to release...
THE SINGLE OF THE YEAR.
Yes ladies and gentlement, ANOTHER clip of Madonna's new single is available for previewing pleasure on the Motorolla website (go and listen to it), and its just fabulous. Us at IAR (us being one person) are that bloody excited we're even having dreams about the song.
Music really just doesn't sound the same anymore unless it has a sample of ABBA's "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!" slapped in it.
Oh well.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Bjorn Again
|
 Hello.
That's a picture of Madonna with a mouse. Isn't it amazing?
Not as amazing as Madonna's new single "Hung Up" is. Let's take a look, in our very famous (!!!) countdown-style-fashion, why "Hung Up" is going to be the greatest song released in the year 2005.
1. The single has been co-written by Jacques Lu Cont, which can only mean one thing: Brilliance. How Joyous!!
2. Madonna not only sings "Ring Ring Ring on the telephone" in one of the verses, but she also croons "Tic Tic Toc it's a quarter to two". Astonishing!!
3. It Samples ABBA's (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) amazing "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)" ever so slightly in the chorus. Razzle-Dazzle!!
4. It's Madonna. Exactly!!
5. And that's that.
Download a 28 second sample of the greatest song made this year by clicking this.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Who is Marcia Hines?
|
 Well looky here at what we found.
The answer to a question which has burnt the soul of man since about 1977, "Who is Marcia Hines?"
In this amazing 5 point description, shock revelations of the "Hines" variety are exposed forth into the sun like a vampire in Sunnydale, such as...
* Why Marcia likes to pray
* Why she wishes she'd aborted given up daughter Deni for adoption
* and Why The Fugees are "her thing".
This magically written piece can be found on this brilliant corner of the internet. It's from a "blog" titled "Scott, To Be Certain" ("how clever!!!" - you.) and it truly is the most amazing thing you will ever read on the internet.
So rest assured, it's obviously not something we've come up with.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Poor Javine: Part #973
|
 In years to come, history books will reveal that one of the most commonly used phrases of the 21st century was "Poor Javine".
After losing a spot in the UK's biggest pop group of current times, Girls Aloud, to flopping with her debut solo album, to coming 3rd last in this years Eurovision, and more recently with Touch My Fire not exactly lighting the UK Charts on, er... fire, it's been the bumpiest of roads for the 'Vine.
And it's just gotten a slight bit worse.
Poor Javine's (do you see?!!!) drink was spiked whilst out clubbing at a bar a few weeks back. Apparently Miss Hylton suddenly blacked out, fell to the ground and had to be carried out by friends. Of course instead of taking the dear to hospital, her "friends" took her home to sleep it off (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and she spent the next day in much pain, throwing up all over the place and showing up late for the ITV Disco Mania rehearsals.
And to make it JUST that little bit harder for her, good 'ol Eurovision rival Jordan (aka Katie Price) was at the rehearsal session giving Javine serving after serving about scoring so horrid in the song competition.
Poor Javine.
We hope she's gotten healthier since the ordeal, and has learnt the all important lesson of "If you put your drink down, IT'S NOT YOUR DRINK ANYMORE!".
='(
The greatest thing on the internet ever, etc etc...
|
 It seems that potty-mouthed Naomi is as it again.
The wannabe Sandra Sully (amazing channel 10 news reader for those of you living outside of Melbourne) suffered some extreme 'controversy' after she was secretly recorded saying words like "Fuckwit" and "Bullshit" about the auto-cue man on her Current Affairs style show Today Tonight.
And now even more controversy, much to the delight of the team here at I'm Always Right. Watch as Naomi makes fun of fat people, says "Bullshit" more than once, and laughs like a donkey. Of course, viewers outside of Melbourne Australia won't even know who this stupid bitch is.
Click on this bit of the internet to view the greatest 1 minute and 17 seconds of your life.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Lest We Forget
|
 In case you have forgotten who the amazing BODIES WITHOUT ORGANS are, we thought we should kindly remind you of their brilliance. Other than the fact that the lead singer Martin is one of the most fuckable people in pop music this very minute, they also have some amazing songs and video clips.
In case you have forgotten who the amazing PAY TV are, we thought we should kindly remind you of their brilliance. They played their first gig in London last night, and hopefully, one day, we'll get to see them *somewhere* in Australia. Cross your fingers. Oh look... some of their video clips to download...
 It seems even the Turkish are so revolted by the horrible new Liberty X single "Song For Lovers", that they've taken a stand against the Popstars rejects "coupling" with Run DMC.
How?
By hacking the Liberty X forum.
It seems, however, that the Liberty X forum gets about 3 page views a week (quite like our forum) - and the message is only being spread amongst a few annoyed teenage fans.
Turns out, and unfortunately, no, we don't speak Turkish, that the message left is some Anti-War/Blair thing - some "sources" are saying it translates into a bunch of hoo-haa about war being crap and the like, and it seems that Liberty X are being held accountable for it by these crazy Turkish hax0rs.
Well, Perhaps.
One "fan" expresses his amusement:
"I'm a bit pissed off at the moment and this has certainly brought a smile to my face."
Which follows some horror and disgust from 'real fans':
"youre f*cking turkish hackers bring the forum back!!! "
er....
" yes, yeeees, woohooooo the forum of my fave band has been hacked YAAAAAY omg thats soooo funny yayayayayayayayay.... that was sarcasm btw"
OH! No fucking shit!?
and then there's THIS:
"Stupid Turks. No wonder Greeks hate them im half Greek so i hate them anyway"
Thank you very much Stalin, you're opinions have been graciously taken aboard.
As amusing and comical the Liberty X forum seems to be, the point of the hack seems extremely clear: "The new Liberty X single is the reason why troops have gone to war in Iraq. It's so bad that people in Western countries are BEGGING to go to war - as the chance of survival at war seems far more possible than any chance of survival listening to 'Song for Lovers'."
We are SURE that's the REAL reason they hacked the website. Nothing to do with Tony Blair AT ALL.
You too can visit the forum by clicking the frameshot below...
 Stay "tuned" folks. We're interviewing the Slinkee Minx next week!
|
|
