Sunday, July 31, 2005
Are these two delicious McFly members possibly the greatest looking men in pop?
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 YES.
 Well the beginning of another week see's the start of our new "Listen To..." week campaign.
Put on your best shiny shirt, make yourself a nice stiff drink and pull out your old STEPS CD's, because this week, in our first installment, is "LISTEN TO STEPS WEEK".
Don't have any Steps material? Purchase their GREATEST HITS collection from hmv.co.uk by clicking on this bit of the internet. However, while you're waiting for that to arrive in the mail, we at IAR have decided to treat you all to a selected Steps delight in the form of an mp3.
But don't tell anyone because we hear that sort of carrying on is actually illegal. Download their BRILLIANT 'Deeper Shade Of Blue' by getting frisky with this.
 So there is this quite brilliant and amazing dance song out at the moment. It's the flipside to the theme of something or-other, but that's really besides the point. Over on the B-Side you'll find a track called "Bass". It's by Dutchman MARZZ, who is rather wizard like when it comes to producing fabulous dance music (See 2003's "Orbiter" for more info).
What makes this so special you ask? Well firstly, the unsightly yellow color of the cover (which is normally quite delicious to look at) completely collides in a messy fashion with the color coding of this website.
So if we are willing to clash yellow record sleeves with our sleek blue steel type look, all for the sake of a song, you know it must be quite spectacular.
Not only can you dance to it, you can also masturbate quite ferociously whilst its playing. In the introduction, the magnificent sounds of Melbourne girls DJ Jewelz and Clare Dickins (who are FYI, Dance Music royalty in Australia and quite fuckable, if you're into that female sort) moan and, er... moan some more about things being "hard", "driving" and all these other sexually charged insinuations about... er... sausage rolls or something.
So go an buy it. Click on this section of the web to purchase the vinyl or click here to purchase a Legal MP3 copy of the track from DJ Download. Best few bucks you'll spend on dance all year considering its been quite a shithouse year for harder sounds.
I mean, come on... music you can MASTURBATE to. That's quite awesome now isn't it? Girls Aloud take note...
Friday, July 29, 2005
Hurrah!! It's the new McFly video!!
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 Harry is getting wet. He should consider taking his clothes off to dry up shouldn't he?
In fact, why don't you all take your clothes off?
Do you remember those old ad's about Binge Drinking in the early 90's that were aimed at teenagers? Why the hell don't they ressurect them, but use Dougie as the spokesman? Wouldn't that just be genius?! I know that I would stop drinking if he told me to.
But then he'd have to take off his clothes.
Imagine Harry naked.
I wonder what they'll be doing later on in that bed? If those walls could talk...
"His dick was THIS big..."
Oh No!! Dougie has found himself on the edge of a high rise building! Maybe he should remove some clothing to make the fall a bit easier...
Tom... what's with the clothes?
You know what Dougie, you should consider taking some clothes off...
Hurrah!! etc etc.
(side note: the video clips is fucking amazing and the song is brilliant too. mcfly aren't just about being hot/naked/etc etc but it certainly does take up a lot of our time perving at them.)
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
The Death Of Bum Love
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 The Metrosexual is killing the homosexual. Let's be honest. It was certainly a LOT easier to take a random boy home for a bit of hide and seek before "straighties" found it cool, chic, etc etc to dress like faggots.
What kind of a mixed message is this sending out to the poor gender-bedner community of the world? It's just repulsive in the largest of extremeties, you go out - spot a very sharply dressed guy, pink shirt (which seems to mean "straight" these days), immaculate hair, clean shaven, jeans by Sass & Bide, and quite possibly even a pair of the greatest Gucci sunglasses you've seen (other than the pair you own yourself).
You then attempt to go over and contemplate rubbing yourself up against the back of him. When all of a sudden, some dirty slut digs a breast into his chest and pulses her tongue in and out of his mouth like a cat, lapping up the drips of milk.
HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE TO STICK MY DICK?
I mean, you would THINK they could just continue to shop at Jay Jay's wouldn't you? I can understand these straight folk wanting to look their best, but for god sakes, surely looking that good automatically borders on liking a cock or two up the batty.
Elvira: Princess Of The Night
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 You know, after five years of watching Big Brother, you would think that we would all realise by now that getting yourself too attached to one of the housemates is probably not the greatest idea in the world. There was Sara-Marie (who??) in season 1, and... er... others for the three other seasons.
But there always seems to be at least one of the housemates each year that you fall in love with so fast you don't realise its happening until it's too late, and your phone bill is that high from trying to keep them in the house that you cannot eat for a week.
So What is it about Vesna, the almost-intruder who came into the house two weeks after it began? Other than the fact she looks a lot like Elvira (do a google search kiddies), this would have to be the funniest woman on Australian Television since Jackie MacDonald.
Take a look at Vesna's online profile. Here her sheer genius comes through - when asked what her favourite pick up line is, Vesna responds with "I'm Hungry!". Followed by admitting her greatest fear in life is "Getting pushed of a balcony". And then, there's that pair of tits... and that snatch.
While the annoying Rita may have been able to perform the entire score from The Sound Of Music with her vaginal fluids, it was Vesna's open acceptance of a case of thrush she had developped in the house, that seems to have made so many fall in love with her even more.
Sara-Marie may have had that horrible bum-dance, but she certainly didn't get thrush in the house, now did she?
Hence, Vesna should win the game or at least come second.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Grease is the word
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 Pictured there is Nadine from Girls Aloud. It's a screen grab from the new video to their awesome new single "Long Hot Summer".
And would you believe it, Nicola gets just as much screentime in this one as any of the other girls.
Finally... PROGRESS!!
The clip is very good, so we decided to show you the clip in a step-by-step fashion, with the world famous IAR social commentary to boot. All the fun can be found on one of our old webspace sites, by clicking here. But do make sure you return back.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Better Than Ricocheting Champagne
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 Stop the nonsense that you are currently involving yourself in and pay close attention.
THE NEW GIRLS ALOUD SINGLE IS ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT. It's called "Long Hot Summer". It's prett much what you'd expect in a summer-anthem from Girls Aloud. Those lucky Brits get this song in time for, funilly enough, their summer season. But "Woe-is-us-because-we're-aussie" sentiments aside, lets get back to this great song. It contains lyrics about people dancing with pants on fire, Ricocheting around the world easily drinking champagne, and has not only one of the most attitude-filled rap verses (courtesy of Nadine, 2nd from the left), and the most adorably catchy "bah bah-baaaaaah" in the chorus. YES! It just could very well be 7th the best song to come from a pop act this year. Hoorah! You can pre-order the single here from our good friends at HMV-UK.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Celebrity Maths: Lesson #001
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Nice Legs
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 That's Alison Goldfrapp.
She's got nice legs. She's also got a lovely pair of Knickers too.
But that's not what we're here to discuss. We want to fill your minds with the amazement that is the new GOLDFRAPP single "Ooh La La". Everything you've come to expect from the Frapp, and then some.
And the single doesn't even come close to the gems on their upcoming album. So while Australia wets itself over the tour plans of Tina Cousins (I'm happy that we live in a world that allows someone like Cousins to make a comeback...), the rest of the world are ejaculating over Goldfrapp.
It's time you started doing the same.
Visit the Frapp's official website to SAMPLE all the tracks on their album.
And click >here<>
Monday, July 11, 2005
Bar the Dot...
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 Natalie Alphabet is quite good, isn't she? Not only is she easily the only reason one would put themselves through 30 minutes a day of "Neighbours", but she's also also made Melbourne dance "outfit" THE ROGUE TRADERS quite possibly our most exciting pop act of the year. Closely followed by former Bardot member and part-time bitch Tiffani Wood.
So let us look at Tiffani. Observe her picture to your left, and marvel at her black & white brilliance. Isn't she just fabulous?
This time last year, however, Tiffani was not fabulous. In fact, she was just another shitty addition to our horrible pop music scene, with her record label trying to push her as Australia's answer to Michelle Branch. Who is not very good really.
After getting the boot/leaving on her own from her home of WARNER, Tiff has since returned with an Electro-Rock stormer that WILL should set the charts on fire.
Unfortunately, the country of Australia is not known for having an ear for good music.
Let's face it, whilst the UK are graced by the presence of GIRLS ALOUD, McFLY and RACHEL STEVENS, we're left with Shakaya, Anthony Callea and - worst of all - Casey Donovan (who has a really shit new single out for those of you who still remember who she is).
The only problem (there's always a "but" isn't there?) with Tiff's new single, is the budget video clip. Horrific in many ways, the clip could be the songs downfall. With a budget of about 20 cents, the video for "Devil In Your Soul" looks like it may have been filmed in a High School Hall, with a white sheet used as a backdrop. Still, the song *IS* marvelous, and you will all go and buy at least one copy of it on Monday the 18th of July. If you're yet to hear it, click me now, but be wary of the video clip that comes with clicking that file
Friday, July 08, 2005
I'll have a Large Big McFly meal
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Hello.
Look over to the top just there.
That's McFly.
They have a new single out soon. It's quite brilliant, and is called "I'll Be Okay".
Educate yourselves. Hop onto iTunes and buy some of their tracks or jump over to hmv.com.
Again, they are, quite good.
And There's also the Dougie/Tom/Harry factor (the last three pictured). ie: They are quite yummy.
You can visit their plain looking website by touching me somewhere, or the outstandingly brilliant fan page DamnRock, and join us all in the wait for the amazing new single and album release.
Friday, July 01, 2005
The Profile From Hell
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 Full Name: Adem Ali (Recent photograph to your left).Place of Birth: Geelong, Victoria. Grew up there and still live here today.Education: Norlane West Primary School then North Geelong High. Occupation: Credit Management Consultant. Ambition When Young: To be famous. Or Madonna.Most loved beverages: Coke, Olde Port, Mango Liquer and Mountain Dew.Most loved Club Night: I do quite enjoy it when the science club gets together.Celebrities Most Laughed About: Marie Osmond (Pictured), Sienna Miller,Melanie B, Melanie C, "Amber Gates", Jordan, and a whole array of other brilliantly shithouse celebs, mainly from the U.KAll Time Pop-Music Line up for a concert: Madonna, Girls Aloud, RachelStevens, The Spice Girls, Bowie, Liza Minelli, McFly, Dannii Minogue, Goldfrapp, Blondie, The Carpenters (I know), Tina Turner & Cher.Proudest Moment: Quiting Smoking after about almost 9 years of being a heavy puffer! Was quite ground breaking, etc etc! Most Impressive Scar: HAHAHAHA... Well, there's a story that goes with my quit smoking campaign. I got Pleurisy quite severely early this year and was shoved into hospital for a couple of weeks. Had some major surgery on my lungs - and thus - have an extremely LARGE scar going across my back from where I was operated on. Apparently, I was quite ghastly whilst in the 'pital, and to your left is a picture of my ghoul-like presence whilst slowly dying on a hospital bed. Some people even commented on how much like Maria Shriver I was starting to look. It was al very tragic. Worst Personality Traits: I talk too much when nervous, and can be very loud in un-needed situations. And I can never just have "one". Favourite Movies: St Elmo's Fire, The Breakfast Club, Primal Fear, Fight Club, Pump up the Volume, Serial Mom, Cry Baby, Velvet Goldmine, Spiceworld, Trick, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Mullholand Drive, Flowers In The Attic, Mean Girls, Mermaids, Beaches, Steel Magnolias, Dick, Desperately Seeking Susan, In Bed With Madonna and Grease 2. Favourite Television Programs: Footballers Wives, Absolutely Fabulous, Six Feet Under, Arrested Development, Family Guy, American Dad, Sex & The City (RIP), Melrose Place (RIP), Kath & Kim and Nip/Tuck. Also Dallas, The OC, and may their souls eternally rest in television heaven, Bramwell and Touched By An Angel.
Earliest Memory: This. (Pictured Right)
Favourite Dance Artists: Rollo, Red Jerry, JX, Sasha, Sash!, Tina
Cousins (Shoosh Now), Michiel Overeem (Marzz), Gabriel & Dresden, Above & Beyond, Marco V, Benjamin Bates... The List goes on really.
Inspirations in Life: Paul Dowsley & Lisa Foley, Music, Madonna,
My Family & my Friends, Jewelz, Rollo & Sister Bliss, Arthur Golden
(who wrote Memoirs Of A Geisha), and Yoko Ono.
Would love... Girls Aloud to cover Madonna's under-rated musical
gem "Gambler". It screams "COVER ME THANKS!" doesn't it???
Genie grants you three wishes: 1) To be the richest person in the cosmos, 2) The be happy with health and 3) *puts on Miss Universe voice* World Peace!!
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