Monday, September 19, 2005
One (more) for sorrow
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 Poor Javine Lisa Scott-Lee. Her new MTV Rockumentary Series is the funniest show on the box at the moment, and it's quite safe to say this is highly unintentional.
For the uneducated folk, let's take a look at Lisa's pop music history: She was in the band 'Steps'. They Split up. She did some solo stuff. It bombed.
See. It wasn't that hard a history lesson now was it? In this "amazing" television program, Lisa says "Fuck", "Shit" and cries, cries, cries, cries, cries. Some of the famous faces (ha! famous!) in the family clan include her husband, who was that dickhead from Hear'say, Lisa's annoying brother, and his girlfriend Michelle, from Liberty X. Who, may we just add, is a whinging little cunt, and we already do not like her one bit.
The first episode progresses through the promotion of Lisa's less-than-impressive single "Get It On", with the corker obviously being watching her sob uncontrollably as she discovers her single has debuted at... Number 23. Not even top 20. But completely forgettable: debuting in the top 40.
 Lisa Scott-Lee belts out some Aretha
down the pub for "Karaoke Idol".
We all know that this would be the most tragic thing to happen in pop since Take That split/Geri left the Spice Girls/East 17 were blown up on a bus, but can you seriously imagine the terrifyingly brilliant humor if this single debuts at number 11? All that aside, we at IAR are quite confident it'll do well, because it is a VERY good song. Co-written by Ben Adams (of A1 "fame"), it sounds like something Janet Jackson may have once thought about writing, but gave up on it in favor for a slice of chocolate cake.
 Now look to your right. Yes. That is a screen grab from Lisa's new video clip for "Electric". It conjures up somewhat unwanted images of the vid for Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible".
What all this means? Well, it's quite great without actually being any good.
So what we're trying to say is: We need Lisa Scott-Lee in this cruel world of pop. You may not see what we see right now, but believe us when we say, if Lee doesn't hit the top 10 with her new single, THE CHANCES OF A STEPS REUNION IN THE NEAR DISTANT FUTURE CAN BE FOREVER BANISHED FROM YOUR THOUGHTS.
Which means you'll just have to buy her single to assure her of a top 10 debut. No, she may not be Rachel Stevens, but at least she's not Jo Fucking O'Meara.
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